Chapter 29 #2
Damon dropped onto the passenger seat, moved it back as far as it would go, then maneuvered each leg into the car.
He scowled at the crutches he still held outside the car.
Usually whoever drove him put them into the back seat, but he was not about to ask Grace to get out and take care of them after snapping at her.
Doing his best to avoid hitting her in the head, he pulled the crutches into the car, angled them behind her seat, then tucked them behind his own.
"Are we ready to go then?" She looked at him expectantly.
"Yes."
"Are you sure you don't want a jacket or a hoodie? It's cold out today."
Damon looked down at the goosebumps on his arms. He'd been so keyed up about having to ride with Grace that he'd forgotten to grab a sweatshirt. He wanted to insist he was fine, but he shivered despite the warm interior of her car.
The prosthetic place would likely be cold, like doctors’offices. Add to that, his anxiety over walking again with the help of the prosthesis and he could barely control his shivering.
"Would you like me to run back into the house and grab a hoodie for you?"
It was a good thing they rarely bothered to lock the door.
"Yes, please. There's a black one hanging behind the door in my bedroom. And grab my other tennis shoe on the bench by the door." He motioned to his foot, pointing out the one he already wore.
She was gone in a flash, returning with his shoe and a hoodie with the word ARMY across the chest in white lettering with a yellow outline.
That wasn't the black one he meant, but he didn't have the heart to make her take it back.
It wasn't until he'd pulled it over his head and fastened his seat belt that he realized it matched her hoodie.
The one he had Maria leave on her doorstep after her mom passed away.
Giving him a stiff smile, Grace put the car into gear and backed out of the driveway. She cast several concerned looks his way as they got on the freeway.
“Are you okay?” The question was quiet, but it echoed like a gunshot in the car.
He looked out the window, studying the barren landscape. He didn’t need to search for threats behind every sagebrush, but he couldn’t seem to shut off the part of his brain that said danger lurked around every corner.
Every unexpected sound made him want to take cover. Bright flashes of light made his heart leap to his throat. And then there were the nightmares.
His mom was worried about him, but after the fifth night of her showing up in his bedroom, he’d finally convinced her he was fine and there was nothing she could do for him. Or maybe he hadn’t convinced her, but at least she’d stopped hovering so much.
He hated the way he reacted to Grace’s entrance back at the house, but he couldn’t stop his brain from going haywire every time something startled him.
“I’m fine,” he said yet again with hardly any sharpness this time.
But he wasn’t fine. Not even close.
“You can talk to me about anything. You know tha—”
"Thank you for driving me to my appointment." He cut her off. He didn’t want to talk to her about his problems. It was bad enough telling Emily how screwed up he was. He didn’t want Grace to feel like she had to help shoulder his burden.
Disappointment flashed across his face. "I'm happy to do it. Anytime. Seriously."
Quiet filled the car again, except for the low volume of the pop song on the radio. He was tempted to turn it up but knew it would make him look like a coward.
After a few more minutes of silence, he said, "I'm sorry, Grace."
She turned wide eyes on him for a moment before shifting her gaze back to the road. "For what exactly?"
"For snapping at you back there."
"It's okay. I guess I haven't been around you enough to realize how independent you are. You'd think I would have learned that lesson with my mom."
"I'm sorry about that too." His voice was low and remorseful.
"Thank you. I appreciated all your kind gestures.”
"No, I'm sorry I pulled away...and treated you so horribly while you were still dealing with the loss of your mother. I feel bad that you had to spend Christmas alone."
"I wasn't completely alone." She blinked rapidly. "But it wasn't the same."
"I know."
"How are you sorry?" She said the words slowly then let out a little huff. "I mean, what are you saying exactly?"
He caught the hint of hope in her voice and hated to disappoint her, but he had to.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, but nothing has changed."
Her slight smile stiffened as though frozen in place.
"You're better off with someone else." He forced the words out.
Someone who’s not so messed up in the head.
She scoffed as her hands tightened on the steering wheel. "Would I really be better off with a womanizer like Zack Hastings, who asked me out, by the way."
Damon's heart thumped in his chest, hard and angry. "He did? When?"
"After word got around that you broke up with me." She darted another glance his way. "I told him no, of course."
"Why did you do that?"
"Seriously?" She rolled her eyes at him as though he was a three-year-old who wouldn't stop asking why. "You mean besides the fact that I’m in love with you?” Without giving him a chance to respond she went on. “I have no desire to be another one of his conquests.”
A surge of relief shot through Damon, which was stupid because he had no claim on Grace anymore. He shouldn't care who she dated. But he did.
"Maybe you think I'd be better off with Travis Brooks, who would likely be an abusive husband thanks to his drinking problems."
"Of course not." His words were vehement. The thought of anyone hurting Grace made his blood boil.
She spared him another lengthy look before returning her gaze to the road. "Tell me again why you think I'd be better off with someone else."
Damon clenched his jaw and shifted his gaze out the window again.
He was slowly coming to accept the fact that others weren’t as bothered by his missing foot as he was or the possibility that he might not be able to father children.
But after that scene back at the house, surely, Grace understood there was a lot more wrong with him than those two things.
"I'm going to say this one more time, so you understand nothing has changed as far as I'm concerned; I love you, Damon Knight.
" She swiped a stray tear from her cheek, pulling his attention back to her.
"It took me way too long to get on the same page as you and admit it, but I'm fully immersed in this book. In our story."
Hearing her say our story was almost his undoing. He loved Grace. But he was too damaged right now to even think about picking up their book.
He was trying to find the will to lie to her again; to tell her he didn't want a relationship with her when she spoke again.
"I know we're not even in the same book anymore, but..." Disappointment filled her voice as another tear rolled down her cheek. "I miss you. I miss our talks, sharing bucket list stuff, and joking and laughing with you. I miss my friend."
I miss you too.
But he couldn't tell her that. He didn't want her to think they could go back to the way things were, but he wanted to be her friend again. It would make it harder to keep his feelings for her from deepening—like that was possible—but maybe they could be friends again.
"I miss my friend too."
"You do?" Her face filled with surprise as she gave him another wide-eyed look.
"I do." He held up a hand. "But don't get your hopes up, Grace. I can't make you any promises until I work through...everything.”
Most days, he didn’t feel like that would ever happen.
“Just friends." He put heavy emphasis on the words.
"Just friends." Her lips turned up in an impish smile that made his heart skip a beat.
Oh boy, what have I done?
The rest of the ride to Richland was more comfortable as they caught each other up on all that had happened in their lives over the last two months. They sympathized with each other as they shared their challenges, then laughed over silly things.
When they arrived at Tri-Cities Orthotics and Prosthetics, Damon felt the need to put the brakes on the friendship they were rapidly rekindling.
"You don't need to come in with me," he said before opening his door. Even though he wanted a friend by his side when he walked again for the first time.
"Well, it's cold out here, and I don't want to destroy the ozone by keeping the engine running while you're in there, so I'm coming in."