Chapter 16
Then this morning, I waited for Nate to leave for his run before getting dressed and sneaking out as if I had been the one to do something wrong. Now, I’m by the pool where Nate won’t find me, reading the rest of his first novel on my e-reader.
Not his fault the book is unputdownable.
Actually, it is, but I need something to distract me from replaying Jamie and Nate’s kiss.
I shake the memory out of my mind for the umpteenth time this morning, return my attention to Nate’s book, and try hard not to think about the weird mishmash of feelings warring inside of me.
I don’t see Nate again until it’s time to get ready for our next excursion.
He tries talking to me at the bungalow and on the way over to the lobby to meet the crew, but I only acknowledge him enough to maintain his cover as Brody.
I don’t bring up last night or try to forgive him for his betrayal.
If he notices the shift, he says nothing.
He talks to Dave and Jamie instead, acting like everything is normal between them, while Corbin checks his camera gear.
Fine by me. Totally freaking fine.
I pretend to sleep on the ride over to the filming location so I avoid dealing with Nate until we start our next excursion, riding ATVs.
If I’d known Nate would drive over the muddy paths like this, I would have wormed my way out of filming.
Clearly the guy doesn’t need me after all, given last night.
In front of us, the crew and our guide get a smooth ride in Jeeps while Nate accelerates, weaving our ATV to hit every bump and puddle, splashing mud up and around us.
Our every move is documented between the cameras on the Jeeps and the GoPros affixed to the ATV dash, so I need to accept how awful I’m going to look when Rush hits streaming devices.
At least the ATV coordinators let me slap one of Brody’s sponsors’ stickers on each helmet. Tiny victories.
“Can you relax?” Nate asks when I grumble at hitting another puddle that splashes mud up my entire right side. “This is supposed to be fun.”
“Don’t tell someone to relax. It has the complete opposite effect,” I shout back, tightening my grip on the side of the ATV.
“That’s why I didn’t tell you to do anything. I asked.”
“Then I decline the opportunity.”
“We’re in Fiji, Gingersnap. There’s no better time to relax. Instead, you’re acting as if these could be your very last moments. If they are, would you really want to waste the limited time you have left being mad and afraid of my driving?”
“It’s not a choice if you bring those emotions out naturally.”
“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Nate shoots a meaningful look at the camera affixed to the ATV, reminding me we’re on camera as “Brody” and Abigail. Gnat isn’t here at all.
I can work with that. If he wants Gingersnap, he can have some. “Someone won’t have a bed to sleep in if they keep it up.”
Nate doesn’t mention he doesn’t have a bed here in the first place, saying, “Somehow I think I’ll sleep fine.”
“That makes one of us with all your snoring.”
When Nate pauses, it seems like I’ve taken things too far. When he finally says something like, “Earplugs exist,” his words lack the typical spark our banter usually ignites.
Good, because all Nate is igniting in me is anger from last night’s betrayal.
My brain knows we’re on camera with Nate pretending to be Brody, but the rest of me doesn’t care.
My blood is still boiling, bubbles amplifying every moment Nate wastes not telling me what happened.
As much as I don’t want to hear about it, it’s worse that Nate isn’t telling me, so I keep barreling down this path of verbal warfare.
I smile for the cameras. “Earplugs would be great to have around you 24/7.”
My jaw clenches shut as Nate steers the ATV to hit another puddle of mud that splashes up around us. In real life, my sightline is all mud, but I’m only seeing red.
“Then you wouldn’t be able to hear all the great one-sided conversations you’re having,” Nate says. The ATV turns sharply to hit another mud puddle that sends the final blow exploding out of me.
“At least I’m not saying one thing, only to do the opposite.” That’s exactly what Nate had done last night. After saying there was nothing to worry about with Jamie, there he was—in public, no less—kissing her without a care in the world. Like I didn’t matter at all.
Nate whips the ATV off the main trail we’ve been serpentining on behind the Jeeps and steers us into the rainforest where it’s just wide enough for us to scrape through.
The path (if it is one) is punctuated with sharp bumps, and there’s less light penetrating the forest canopy the further in we go.
I barely stop from shouting out Nate’s name. “What are you doing? You’re going to get us lost. Worse yet, very injured. Maybe killed!”
Jamie and Dave talk in our earpiece, but I don’t hear what they’re saying.
Nate hits the brakes, practically jumping out of the ATV before it’s fully off.
He rips off his helmet, followed by his earpiece and personal microphone.
He drops the lot onto his seat before signaling for me to do the same.
I’m about to protest, but there’s a thunder behind Nate’s steely gray eyes stoked by confusion or even hurt.
I comply, removing my helmet, mic, and earpiece as Nate peels off his t-shirt, revealing abs glistening with sweat.
There’s no way he’s a writer. If he is, he spends far too much of his writing time working out. Right now, the distraction is a very unfair advantage.
“What are you doing?” The question squeaks out of me.
He wordlessly drapes his shirt over the GoPro strapped to the ATV before motioning for me to follow him. We go several feet away where we can be confident no one can see, hear, or talk to us without arriving in person. Only then does Nate speak.
“What’s going on, Abigail? Why are you being like this?”
I cross my arms. “Like what?”
Nate reaches up to run his fingers through his hair, only to remember it’s pulled back. He scrubs a hand over his stubble instead. “Like we’re back at square one.”
“You’re giving us too much credit,” I say with a shrug. “We never left square one territory. That’d explain a lot.”
“Aha!” Nate snaps a finger as if he’s solved a mystery. “So there is something going on.”
“Leave it be, Gnat. There’s no reason to bring this up again.”
“Again? Abigail, just tell me what’s going on, so I have a chance at fixing things.” When I don’t reply, he continues. “I know I’ve managed a lot of impressive feats this week, but mind reading is not one of them.”
His tactic shouldn’t work, but I’m biting back the beginnings of a smile all the same. He’s right; we have come a long way since day one in Fiji, and we both deserve better than whatever this is. I may not have been the one to start the problem, but I could end it.
“I saw you,” I say, earning an eyebrow raise from Nate. “Last night.”
I can see on his face the exact moment it all clicks together. “With Jamie?”
I nod once, not daring anything more.
“That was nothing.” He must see the doubt on my face. “The crew grabbed me for some last-minute confessional footage. Then Jamie suggested we get a drink and catch up. Really, nothing.”
“Looked like something to me.”
His voice softens. “How much did you see?”
I scoff. “Plenty.”
Too much. Far too much.
“So, the kiss, then.”
Isn’t he supposed to dance around it or feign amnesia about anything resembling the meeting of lips? Instead, he’s jumping right in. Owning it. Admitting something had transpired and not letting me think it’s my imagination.
I shrug, feigning an indifference I’m far from feeling.
Nate exhales loudly, stress radiating off him. “Okay.”
“No need to explain yourself to me.”
“I want to. You saw the kiss, but what about after?”
“What about it?”
“Did you see the part where I broke it off and told her there’s no way anything is happening between us? Between her and Brody.”
No, I hadn’t. I’m not confessing to feeling so betrayed by the sight that I knocked over a tray full of drinks, hid, and then raced out of there. All I saw after the kiss was a mess on the floor, and then dimming stars in the sky.
“I told Jamie I’m not interested,” Nate says when I don’t respond.
The words shouldn’t matter, but I already feel lighter.
“Whatever was going on between her and Brody, it’s over.”
It’s impossible to explain how such a simple statement could feel like a bombshell.
While I always knew Nate was pretending to be his brother, I somehow forgot Jamie wasn’t just making a move on Nate.
She thought he was Brody. My Brody, and she made her move right under my nose!
A person doesn’t do that unless they’re confident their feelings are reciprocated.
“Abigail, I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Nate says, proving he actually can be a mind reader.
“Don’t I? Jamie knows Brody and I are a couple. Heck, she spends every day watching us film together, yet she still felt confident she could come between us. Between Brody and me.” My cheeks heat at the slip-up, but I push forward. “What is going on between them?”
I leave out the rest of what I am thinking. What had Brody done to give this woman such hope? Where did that leave us?
There’s a long pause during which I can tell Nate is trying to think of what would hurt me least.
“The truth, Nate.” My voice wavers. “Please.”
“I don’t know the full story, but I can piece some together from what Jamie was saying…enough to conclude there may have been something at one point. However, it could also have been a one-sided crush that went nowhere.”
I cross my arms. “And the kiss?”
He exhales loudly, averting his gaze as if he can’t bear to see the pain he’s about to inflict. “The kiss would suggest the former, but I don’t know for sure.”
“What do you know?” I expect the question to roar out of me like a frustrated scream, but it comes out as a hoarse whisper.
Another pause. “I know you should probably talk to Brody. I’m not an unbiased party, and I’m sure this is a conversation he’d prefer you have with him directly.”
“You’re right.” Whatever is going on between Brody and Jamie has nothing to do with Nate, so it’s not fair to punish him—to hold him accountable—for whatever Brody may have done. I gesture toward the ATV. “We should probably get back to…”
Nate nods. “Only if we’re okay. We’ve made a lot of progress on this trip, and I can’t stand starting over because of some ridiculous miscommunication.”
I inhale deeply, then let the air rush out of me. “I don’t want to start over either.”
“Let’s agree to forget this ever happened,” Nate says with a smile, reaching out to squeeze my hand.
I want to agree, to forget, to move the heck on, but forgetting isn’t so easy. Last night stirred up realizations about Brody and Jamie, but it also showed me something I can’t keep denying. I’m jealous, and not about Jamie’s feelings for Brody.
I’d been jealous because of Jamie and Nate-freaking-Bannam.
And that’s a serious problem.