CHAPTER 23
Harlow was filling out paperwork for an apartment.
No, she had filled it out. It was done. Submitted, probably.
Now, she was sitting next to Larissa, looking like she wanted to be anywhere else but there.
Normally, Harlow participated in the interviews or, at least, looked interested in the responses, but since she’d arrived, she’d been sitting and staring out the wall of windows as people wrapping up their days walked by.
To be fair, Larissa herself wasn’t doing much better.
Her sister hadn’t exactly told her to stop working on these interviews, but as they’d sat down at their table for lunch, Aggie had suggested that Larissa look at the interviews as a chance to gather more data for her paper and use them for that until after she had the Ph.D.
Then, if she still wanted to work on a book, it would have Dr. Larissa Hanson on the cover, which would give it more credibility.
Aggie hadn’t been wrong, but Larissa had countered that she wouldn’t finish writing it, editing it, and learning how to self-publish the thing before she completed her doctorate, which meant that she would already have that title before it was on sale.
Aggie had remained skeptical about the amount of time Larissa spent on something that didn’t pertain to school, though.
In addition, Janine had been let go at work, and she had asked Larissa out again.
Well, not on a date this time; more as a friend hangout now that they wouldn’t be working together anymore.
While Larissa liked Janine as a person, she wasn’t interested in anything romantic with her, so she’d told her that they could hang out this weekend, but made sure to tell her that it would only be as friends.
Janine had been okay with that, and Larissa had hated to see her go.
The other two part-time employees would continue to work with her, but everyone would have their hours cut, which wasn’t great because, even though she didn’t have many bills to pay, thanks to her parents taking care of school and the house she lived in being paid off, she still had some, and her parents didn’t pay for anything else.
She’d had to run some numbers in her car after leaving the bookstore, and with the cut to her hours, she had figured she might need to start supplementing that income or find something else altogether until the next semester started and she could teach again.
She wouldn’t go totally broke in the meantime, but she really didn’t want to tap into the very small amount she had for emergencies, and these interviews were already costing her more money than she’d initially budgeted.
She had planned on offering only a hundred bucks per hour, per couple, but when she and Harlow had been talking about it, Harlow had thought she’d meant per person.
Larissa hadn’t wanted to tell her that she probably couldn’t afford to do that if they did all the interviews she was hoping for, so she’d gone with it and had decided to only pay the in-person people the one hundred per person and no one else.
She hadn’t conducted any video interviews yet, but those would come later, and she hoped people would still want to tell their love stories without the promise of cash. If not, she’d figure something out.
She could get a roommate. If Harlow didn’t want the room and wasn’t moving in with a girlfriend, there was less chance she’d need it for the next year, so getting a roommate was a possible option to supplement her income.
All of those thoughts had taken her into the building, where she’d found Harlow smiling and laughing with her ex-girlfriend, as well as filling out leasing paperwork to move out of Larissa’s place.
It had hit her like a ton of bricks then: Harlow was leaving.
It was a done deal. On top of that, Harlow was making it all happen the day they’d woken up holding on to one another.
Larissa’s rational brain kept telling her that it was just a coincidence and timing thing, but it still hurt and felt like Harlow was trying to run away from her.
“So, tell me about the feelings you had that first night. I don’t think we’ve talked a lot about that. We sort of glossed over it and went straight to you two living together,” Larissa said, trying to pull herself back into the present moment.
“Well, I was thirty-nine at the time, while she was only twenty-six, so I wasn’t expecting her to want to go to my room with me, but we’d been sat at the same table for the reception, and we’d both gone to the wedding alone,” Sandi said.
“I’d just gotten out of a relationship, which was why I later needed a place to live, and Sandi let me stay with her,” Anber added.
Harlow cleared her throat then, and Larissa looked over to check that she was okay.
She handed Harlow the bottle of water she’d bought for herself, and Harlow took it from her, but she didn’t take a drink.
She set it back down on the table between them, and Larissa returned her attention to the two women in front of her.
“When I first saw her sit down at the table, I had to turn away.” Sandi chuckled. “She was so beautiful in her dress, and I felt a little like a pervert, looking at her. I’m not really old enough to be her mother, but not far off, either, so I felt like I shouldn’t be staring at her.”
“I’ve always had a thing for older women, so I didn’t mind,” Amber said with a smirk.
“So, you noticed her looking at you?” Harlow asked.
“Oh, yeah. She was obvious about it.”
“And how did you feel about it?” Larissa asked. “Specifically.”
“She made me feel beautiful,” Amber replied with a soft smile this time.
“I’d just been cheated on and dumped like a week before this wedding.
I didn’t want to go because I was supposed to go with my ex, but I decided to go stag instead, and I saw Sandi staring a few times.
She had this sweet smile, and it made me feel – I don’t know – like I was in the right place at the right time, maybe. ”
“And I was over in my chair, thinking I needed to leave the table, or she was going to call me on the staring,” Sandi said with a laugh.
“But she didn’t. She moved chairs after the dancing started, and we talked.
It was unexpected, but so nice. I’d never gone for a younger woman before, but there was something mature about her, so when she asked me to dance, I said yes. ”
“You danced?” Harlow asked.
Larissa looked over at her again, noticing that she was paying more attention now, but she still didn’t seem like herself.
Her face wasn’t stone, exactly, but it wasn’t as expressive as it usually was.
She looked tired, too. Larissa hadn’t looked great to her sister earlier, either, but that had been primarily due to her being worried over holding Harlow all night.
She had actually gotten really good sleep, even though she would never admit that to Aggie or, likely, to Harlow.
Hell, Larissa had been lying to herself about that fact until this moment, when she realized that while she hadn’t gotten many hours of sleep because they’d stayed up watching a movie, she had gotten quality sleep.
“We danced to several songs,” Sandi replied.
“She’s a great dancer,” Amber noted.
“I took ballet for fifteen years, but I cannot dance like her.”
“Different kind of dancing, babe,” Amber said. “And you were great. You were so great that when the DJ played that slow song, I just had to pull you in against me and keep dancing with you.”
“Were you scared?” Larissa asked, surprising herself by asking the question.
“Scared?” Amber asked back, confused.
“I mean… Were you scared to go from dancing up to her room?”
“Oh. I guess, yeah. I had some baggage from my ex. I mean, we’d been together for over a year, had just moved in together, and I’d found out that she’d been cheating on me for months, so I felt like crap about myself and my faith in women, too.
When Sandi asked me to go to her room at the end of the night, though, I had this calm wash over me after the initial doubt and fear. ”
“Can you describe that?”
“It just felt like even if I said no, it would still be okay. If I said yes, we could talk and get to know each other, or we could do more, but that everything would be okay. She’s always made me feel that way: like everything will be okay, no matter what.”
Larissa looked over at her best friend and knew she felt the same way about Harlow. She swallowed and looked away just as Harlow was turning toward her.
“When we got up there, though, I knew I wanted more. I wasn’t into talking. I wanted to touch her. All that dancing had me turned on, and we did very little talking after that.”
“Sorry if you answered this earlier, but what happened the next morning?” Harlow asked. “You two woke up in bed and…”
“No, we kind of skipped this part earlier, so no big deal. That’s when things got awkward,” Amber revealed.
“I got weird. That’s what she meant,” Sandi added and took her hand. “I didn’t know how to process what had happened because I’d never, in my life, had a one-night stand.”
“And she didn’t know yet that I wanted it to be more than a one-night stand,” Amber shared.
“I had my own insecurities, so I got scared that she got what she’d wanted, I got what I’d wanted, and we’d go our separate ways. I kind of acted like that after we woke up and made her think it was all I wanted.”
“The fear crept in,” Larissa said with a small nod.
“Yes. I wish that it hadn’t. In a way, we still got around it, and we’re together now, but what if we hadn’t? What if we hadn’t talked after that morning, and we’d just let the other person think that all we wanted was one night when we were clearly meant for something more?”
“We’d at least exchanged numbers, and when I reached back out, it was to talk,” Amber shared.
“I wanted to tell her that my ex hadn’t left the apartment we’d shared how she’d promised to, but that I was hoping Sandi and I could maybe go out sometime.
I ended up complaining about my ex and her new girlfriend being assholes, sleeping together in the apartment we’d still shared, and that I couldn’t stay there anymore.
Sandi offered to let me crash with her, and I took her up on it.
I decided not to let pride get in my way and packed a bag. ”
“Did you think it would lead to more?” Larissa asked Sandi.
“No, I still thought it was just one night. But the more time we spent together after she arrived, the more it became clear to me that we both wanted more than friendship. So, I pushed the fear aside again and asked her out on a date.”
“We had sex first,” Amber shared with a laugh.
“Oh,” Harlow said. “Yeah?”
“I saw her coming out of the shower in the guest bathroom,” Sandi said. “We were getting ready for our date separately, but I guess I just couldn’t wait until later that night.”
“Trust me, I’m still grateful for that fact,” Amber replied.
“But, yeah, that’s the beginning. If you want me to go deeper into any of it, I can, but basically, I felt like I’d finally met someone who was worth it; who wouldn’t hurt me like my ex.
It felt right. I was supposed to know Sandi, and later, I was supposed to love her. ”
“Thank you,” Larissa replied. “Can we move on to the first time you felt that feeling? Love?”
She listened as they both talked about when they knew they had fallen in love, but she couldn’t stop thinking about what they’d said so far about fear and what they would have missed if they’d let it get in their path.
She also couldn’t stop thinking about how good it had felt to have Harlow in her arms that morning, or what her nosy sister had said about them being in love with each other and needing to finally admit it.
“That went well,” Harlow said once Amber and Sandi were gone. “Well, the second half, at least. I wasn’t here for the first part. How did that go?”
“Um… Good,” she replied but was unable to recall anything from the first part of the interview. “Did you get everything done that you needed to for the apartment?”
“Yeah, for now,” Harlow confirmed and grabbed her bag off the floor.
“I had to agree to all these other things first. I guess it’s a really nice place, and they plan to keep it that way.
Now that I submitted all of that, I have to sign the lease and send them their money, but I probably won’t get that until tomorrow since it’s after business hours, and I need to pick a move-in date.
I hate to ask, but would you be able to help me?
It’ll be easier if I have two cars making trips over there.
I think I can do it all in two trips and pay movers to get the furniture out of storage.
It’s probably a waste of money to even have it there since the monthly cost is more than the cost of the furniture I’ve got stored there, but if I get it out before the beginning of next month, I’ll save some money there.
I’ll pay for your gas in cash and your time in cooking if you help. ”
“Of course. Whatever you need,” Larissa said.
“Are you okay?” Harlow asked.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just tired. I don’t know that I retained anything from this interview, but at least I recorded it.” She held up her phone. “Hey, it’s only eight. Want to grab dinner? My treat.”
“Now?”
“No, tomorrow morning.” She laughed. “Yes, now. I haven’t eaten since lunch. I’m sure you’re hungry.”
“I can’t. I’m actually going bowling. I’m supposed to be there at eight-thirty, buying pitchers for everyone and curly fries for Samantha.”
“Samantha?”
“She’s the one who invited me. A friend of hers canceled at the last minute. I told her I’d fill in, but I’ll just eat there.”
Larissa took a deep breath and said, “Harlow, can you cancel?”
“Cancel? Why?”
“I was hoping we could talk. Maybe going out was a bad idea on my part. We could go home and do it there.”
“Talk about what?”
Larissa swallowed and said, “Never mind.” She shook her head at herself rapidly. “Sorry. Go out with your friends. Or, I guess, Samantha’s friends. We can talk another time.”
“I’d invite you, but–”
“No, it’s fine. I’m tired anyway. I’ve got a TV dinner at home calling my name.” Larissa grabbed her bag and stood quickly. “I’ll just… I’ll see you later. Have fun.”
She moved quickly to the door and pulled it open.
“Wait. Why are you rushing out of here? We can walk out together. Where did you park? Need a ride to your car? I got a good spot right in front of the building.”
“No, I’m in the lot. I’m good.”
Harlow put her hand on the door handle over Larissa’s and said, “I’ve got it.”
“Okay,” Larissa replied. “Thanks.”