15. Noah
Chapter fifteen
Noah
"So Dad's still pissed, huh?" Cory asks as he comes into the room Henry and I share and drops onto the bed across from mine. He hands me a beer, which I clink against the one in his hand, eager to drown my sorrows after the world's most awkward family dinner.
"It would seem so," I say with a sigh.
Dad and I haven't spoken since I told him I wasn't coming back to Yale for junior year.
It didn't matter that I hated it there, or that I handled my transfer to USC all on my own, the perfect school for what I really wanted to do with my life.
All he saw were the favors he wasted to get me recommendations that would impress more than my test scores did.
The embarrassment he felt that one kid couldn't wait to follow him into a courtroom while the other, born on the same date and almost the same time, preferred to "waste his time on silly movies".
Those are the words I'd overheard during his and Mom's blowout fight.
The night Henry skipped his sacred sleep routine and woke up the rest of the brothers to take me out to get shitfaced.
He didn't understand why I was leaving Yale either, but for once, he was my brother and not Dad #2, there to keep me in line.
In the morning, Mom was making pancakes, her eyes red and puffy from crying, and Dad was gone.
The one time I stood up for what I really wanted, refused to play Dad's game, I broke the family apart.
But of course, Mom didn't let that happen.
Through the walls, I'd heard her fighting for me, and that morning, she promised that though things were bad now, he'd come around.
"At least he's done with the silent treatment," Cory tried, doing his best to find the silver lining in this clusterfuck.
I scoff.
"'Please pass the rolls' is barely talking, but I guess it's better than before."
Before, he wouldn't speak to me. Wouldn't even look at me when he came back the next day. I stayed with a friend until my flight the following week and skipped Thanksgiving for the first time ever. Mom was devastated.
"It's 1000% better," Cory insists, his tone bitter. "You weren't here for the worst of it. You threw that bombshell and hopped on a plane; meanwhile, Adam and I were trapped in what felt like a war zone. Do you know Mom and Dad almost got divorced?"
That has me sitting up.
"What?"
"Yeah," he says, shaking his head. "Mom was talking to lawyers and everything. I think that's what snapped Dad out of it, because he sent the check for school the next day."
I rake my hands through my hair, speechless.
"They really—" I stop, choked up. "Why didn't you or Adam tell me? I had no idea it was that bad."
"Like you told everyone you were planning to transfer?" Cory asks. His anger is clear, and I stay quiet. After what he's been through, he has every right to be mad.
"You did what you felt you had to do, and we support you. But next time you're planning on making some life-changing decision, maybe let your brothers in on it?"
I nod and blink back my tears.
"I will. I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I just…felt like everyone would try to talk me out of it. I'd wind up clerking at some soulless law firm just to make Dad happy."
Cory snorts.
"Well, I bet you're happy now," he says, grinning. "With Crystal, and Awa, and Emma keeping your bed warm, and two thousand miles from Dad's bullshit, what's left to complain about?"
I chug my beer to hide my reaction to hearing Awa's name.
We were friends. I told her nothing would change once we hooked up, and then I completely ghosted her.
I felt like shit every time I ignored her texts.
Even worse when I screened her calls. But nothing prepared me for that look of hurt when she caught me with Emma.
We weren't exclusive. We weren't even dating.
But I broke her trust, then acted like she got the wrong idea.
She didn't get the wrong idea. I'm just an asshole who's not ready for the feelings that I felt when I held her that night.
Sex, I can handle. And I was warming to the idea of female friends, even though we were clearly more than that.
Whatever that warm feeling was in my chest when I felt her clench around my fingers? What I saw in her eyes before she snuggled against me and fell asleep? Nah. I'm nowhere near ready for that.
"You know it," I lie, unwilling to share my true feelings with my brother.
We've had enough sharing for the rest of break. I just want to hang with my brothers, patch up whatever can be saved with my dad, and focus on the school that almost tore my family apart.