Chapter 5
five
. . .
“My father was my world,” Aurora said, gleaming at the glistening lake underneath the midday sun.
The weather was mild enough for her to be comfortable with her legs crossed and elbow pressed on the arm of the outdoor sofa.
“My mother passed away during childbirth and from the stories he told me and the ones my grandmother shares from time to time, she was the only woman he loved. And he was determined to show her after death that he could be the best father. He was. With the help of my grandmother, of course. But he was everything and sitting out here just…”
She paused to control her emotions. Before she could swipe the tear from her cheek, Khalif’s thumb gently swiped it away.
The gesture offered her confidence to continue.
“Reminds me of him. Before everything got complicated. I had a whole world with so much love and then, in the blink of an eye, it was all over. He went down and never got back up.”
She wiped her face and chuckled dryly. “I’m sorry, this is morbid. None of this should be about me. Are you okay? Like for real.”
Khalif looked at her for slow, silent seconds before turning to look at the lake. “The truth is, I didn’t want to get married. Not to her at least. But you picked up on that last night. I didn’t know it was so damn apparent.”
“Why would you marry someone you didn’t want to marry to begin with?”
Khalif swiped his hand over his face; so much to reveal but too much to lay in her lap and expect her to hold it.
So he answered simply. “Because it worked. On paper. Our families know each other. And for the majority of my life, I’ve strived to make them both proud.
It was the expectation. Henry and Marketta’s kids would not be the fuck ups.
At least not outside of the house. It was drilled into my head.
Do better, be better, don’t embarrass the family, don’t tarnish our name.
And then, I’m a twin. We’ve been compared all of our lives.
Khalif don’t act like Khalil. Don’t be that twin.
“So I fought all my life just to be a good son, to make them proud regardless of the shit I buried. If marrying her made me a good son, if it made our families happy, then I was cool with it.”
“That’s the part that’s tripping me out. I don’t know much but I know that you’re too good of a person to settle. Unless you’re a monster in sheep’s clothing.”
Khalif slightly turned to her. “Is that what you see?”
Aurora shook her head. “Not at all. I know you’re considered a beast on the field, but your energy feels…gentle.”
“That’s why no one sees me. They have two images of me. The world and the media see the beast I become when I hit the gridiron, my family sees someone soft. No one sees me. I couldn’t marry her. She didn’t see me and didn’t care to.”
“Do you feel guilty for choosing yourself?” Aurora posed.
Khalif bowed his head. That earned him a soft touch, guiding it back center. His brows fused, almost confused by how someone he just met did more than someone he’d spent years with.
“Don’t bow your head unless you’re praying.”
He nodded with thankfulness and continued.
“Yeah. A lot of it. The guilt has been on me since I realized I would be the one carrying everyone. Leading the family but doing everything they say makes me feel more of a puppet than anything else. How am I thirty-two and I still feel like a little ass boy looking for approval?” Silence fell between them as Khalif sat back and peered at the lake.
“You asked me something last night that keeps playing in my head.”
Aurora furrowed her brows this time. “What could I have possibly asked you that’s on repeat?”
He turned to face her. “You asked me if she made me feel like a man.”
Aurora immediately pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. She recalled that – recalled the look in his eye and the follow-up.
“And then you told me to tell you what made me feel like a man. I didn’t answer it because I didn’t want to say the shit out loud.”
“Well… we’re here now.”
“You see me.” He finally gave her an answer to her question. “That shit right there makes me feel like I’m that motherfucka.”
That response made Aurora’s heartbeat as if it was coming out of her chest while her yoni throbbed at the same time. She tightened her thighs, refusing to break her last two rules. She couldn’t break them.
A faint smile crossed her lips as her brain searched for an excuse to escape his presence that was getting ready to swallow her whole. “I’m happy I could help.”
Unbeknownst to Aurora, Khalif was exercising every ounce of control he possessed. He had rules too. He had a moral compass and didn’t want to fuck away his troubles or use her as a rebound. She was too good for that. He needed a break from her energy.
“Me too,” he spoke. “You need something to drink?”
“Yes,” Aurora answered breathlessly as if she’d been deprived of a basic human need. “Water?”
“Yeah, hold on,” Khalif said, standing and taking long strides up the stairs toward the deck to the back door.
Away from Aurora, he sighed in relief. In the kitchen, he pressed his hands against the counter and looked down at his sweatpants-covered legs. “You got to chill.”
Aurora was on the floating deck giving her yoni the same speech. “We don’t know this man. You will not do something we can’t take back.”
After their prolonged speeches, they were back in each other’s space. The conversation took turns, they shared more about themselves, and the sun beginning to set gave Aurora her out. She stood, stretched slightly, and smiled down at him.
“It’s getting late. I should go.”
Abandoning control, Khalif took her wrist. “Stay.”