Chapter 20 Nova
NOVA
SHHH…
I’m not sure what time it is, but the sun is gone, and there are no streetlights quite this far out of town. The moon is bright, though, and the sky is clear, so I still see Lincoln in the shadows. His unhappy glower. “You seem cranky. Most men are in a better mood after sex.”
“I’m not cranky.” He feathers the tip of his finger across the mounds of my breasts, tracing my nipple and moving down, over the chain around my neck, then back up on the other side to repeat. “I’m pissed.”
Oops.
“I’m furious, because we weren’t supposed to do that, but you couldn’t keep your hormones under control. Now here we are, and I’m about to burn the fucking world down for you.”
“That’s a tad dramatic, don’t you think?” I scratch his scalp and purr. His stroking finger is nothing short of bliss-inducing. “The world needn’t burn. So, you could probably just lie here a little longer and relax.”
“This isn’t as black and white as you think.
” He pushes up onto his elbow and stares down at me in the darkness, the whites of his eyes like stars in the sky.
“There are bad people out there, Nova. And sometimes, good people get caught up in problems they never created. It’s not fair. But life so rarely is.”
“You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t felt cold, cruel punishment for things I didn’t do?”
“Nova—”
“My entire family is dead, Lincoln. My whole universe, it just…” I look up at the ceiling and sigh. “It ceases to exist. My bloodline dies with me, so you don’t need to tell me what’s fair and what isn’t.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can get a word out, I place my hand over it with a noisy clap. “Would you prefer I wallow and scream to prove I’m paying attention? Should I sit in the corner and weep for what’s lost?”
He nips at my palm, following it with a kiss to soothe the ache.
“Or is this about sex? The world has gone to shit, which means I’m not allowed to come.
Because…” I bring my free hand up behind my head and use it as a cushion.
“I don’t even know. I can’t think of an intelligent reason I should never enjoy myself again.
I can grieve and mourn and miss them with every fiber of my being, but I still have to go to work.
I still have to buy groceries and talk to people at the store and spend time with my friends.
” I meet his eyes in the dark. “I still get to be with a man, if that’s how I choose to spend my time. ”
“But I’m not just any man,” he growls, stroking my jaw with the side of his thumb. “You pulled me in like the fucking succubus I said you were. And now—”
“You wanted that.” I press a kiss to his wrist. “You thought you were protecting me by saying no, but there isn’t a single doubt in my mind that what we did was consensual.”
“Wanting you is easy. It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever known. But taking what I want and not expecting there to be consequences…” He shakes his head. “What we did changes everything.”
“What did it change?” Frustrated, I attempt to sit up, but he doesn’t shift his weight for me to move.
Instead, I reach for the lamp on his bedside table, stretching my fingers and flicking the switch until the room fills with blinding light.
My eyes slam shut, burning as they adjust to the brightness.
When I open them again, squinting and searching for his, I’m met with his curious gaze pointed straight at my chest.
Not my breasts. But at the coin Ryan left for me. He takes it between his fingers and strokes the serial numbers marking the edge.
“Lincoln?” I grab his jaw and force his eyes back to mine. “What changed?”
“What’s this coin?” He pulls free of my grip and looks down again, gently turning the coin over. “I haven’t seen one like this before.”
“It’s a family heirloom.” I fist his hair and drag his focus back up. “What’s the big deal about sex? Men and women do it every single day. It can be as much as we want it to be, or as little. It can mean something, or it can be a physical release.”
“Yeah?” His jaw clenches, his dark eyes flickering between mine. “Well, while you’re out here looking for a physical release, I went and did the stupidest thing ever.”
“What stupid thing? Do you mean the condom? Because while that may not have been our smartest idea, I’m protected, and since it’s too late for the ‘are you clean?’ talk, I’m gonna hope you are and pray we’re fine.”
“It’s not about the condom!” He drops the coin and crushes the heel of his palm against his eye.
Just one, since his other hand supports his weight.
“Dammit, Nova. Don’t you fucking see?” He pins me with a glare.
“Like an idiot, I came to town confident you were just a target. Just a girl I would hang out with. Flirt with. Trick into trusting me.”
My heart gives a heavy thud that painfully reverberates through my chest. “Trick?”
“I wasn’t supposed to catch feelings for the beautiful woman who lives next door!
I wasn’t supposed to humanize you at all.
I came here for one reason, Nova. One really fucking specific task.
Now we’re both screwed. Because you’re wearing your brother’s dog tag and a coin I know—I fucking know—isn’t what you think it is. ”
“What?” I shove up to my elbow, then onto my backside, forcing my spine into an unnatural curve as I trap the coin between my fingers and look down at it. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Where’d you get it?” he asks instead, sitting up and taking the coin for himself.
For a brief flashing thought, I think about the steel chain still hanging around my neck. His broad fist—so strong, so sure—could so easily hurt me. If he were a lesser person, he could end my life, and no one would even know I was gone.
I have no one left to report me missing, and by the time my colleagues ask questions, my body could be removed, buried, and forgotten. My truck, parked in my driveway and left to confuse the authorities.
I place my life and trust in this man. The one who mentions tricking me.
“Nova?” He allows the chain to hang limp, but pinches the coin between his thumb and finger. “What do you mean it’s a family heirloom?”
“I mean, Ryan left it for me. After he…” I won’t cry tonight.
I refuse. Not while I’m here. Vulnerable.
Naked, even. “After the accident and everything was settled, the police gave me his things. His tags. I buried one with him and kept the other for myself. There was only one coin, and he used to carry it around with him always, like a lucky charm.”
“Did it always have a hole drilled through?” He brings it closer, squinting in the lamp’s light. “A hole that literally eliminates two of the digits. Was that always there?”
“No.” I tug the coin from his grasp. “I put that there because the numbers are meaningless, but the coin means everything. I wanted to hang it around my neck and keep it close.”
“You deleted it.” Delirious, almost, he chokes out a startled laugh and turns to move off the bed.
Sadness envelops me—I wasn’t done lying here. I wasn’t ready to go back to the real world. But he pushes to his feet and grabs his jeans, stabbing his feet in and tearing the denim up to sit on his hips.
His back is broad and strong, but it’s the entire half side covered in ink that catches me by surprise. An intricate wing—just one—carefully needled into his skin, the feathers spreading not only from his spine to his shoulder and ribs, but across the back of his arm.
Momentarily distracted, I crawl across the bed and stop just a foot away, tilting my head to watch the ripple of his muscles impact the delicate lines of art someone spent hours and hours on. Days. Perhaps even weeks.
“This is amazing, Lincoln.” I reach out warily, like I would if approaching a wound, or even new ink. Though I know this is neither. “It’s so good. You must’ve sat so long for this.”
“You deleted the code, Nova.” He refastens the button on his jeans and turns back to face me, his eyes dark, burning a deep black that already visits me in my dreams. In such a short time, Lincoln Castro has already become a deep-seated part of my psyche.
“Are you listening to me?” He grabs my jaw and pulls me up, cutting off my air with the way he angles my head back. “You deleted the fucking code.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He laughs, tipping his head and growling up at the ceiling. “This whole mission. The whole thing was for nothing because the code is gone!”
“What code?” I brush his hand off and twist, bringing my backside under me once more. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I search for a way to make him speak without riddles. “Lincoln? I need you to explain yourself.”
“I’m not who you think I am.” Like a storm surging with rage and pulsing with energy, he pushes away and paces the room, his back tattoo rippling with the movement. “This was all a lie.”
“You…” I stand, completely vulnerable to his gaze. “What?”
“You’re gonna hate me when I tell you.” He turns and looks me up and down.
With both desire and sadness. Lust and longing.
“You’ll want to kill me, and I’ll deserve it.
And even if you don’t, my boss will kill me.
He’ll probably succeed. But you need to know, Nova.
And then you need to get in your truck and leave. ”
“Why will I hate you?” I bend and sweep up my dress, yanking the fabric inside out, then outside in.
My hands shake and my throat aches, but I keep him in my peripherals while my stomach heaves with nerves.
With intuition. “You say you care about me? Stop talking in circles and just explain what the hell is going on.”
“Care about you?” He barks out a laugh. “Care about you? I fucking love you, Nova! Like an idiot, I had a mark and a mission, and instead of doing what I was supposed to do, I got soft.”
“Love?” I tug the dress over my head and down my body, momentarily trapping my arms in the fabric. “What?”