Chapter 19 Impedance #5
I don’t know. No. Yes. I shake my head and blindly grab his arm, digging my nails into him. His biceps is an oak tree, no give to the heavy muscles, and I feel less stranded. Anchored.
I want more of this. Of Jack. But I’m already full, bursting at the seams. “You have really big hands,” I say, and I don’t say, I like your hands. I love your hands. I watch your hands.
“Okay.” He wets his lips against mine. We’re drawing a map together, of a place neither of us has visited. “Okay, let’s stick with one.”
“I think . . .” I cup his cheek. Make sure my eyes are on his. “I think we should go to bed. Have sex. Real sex.”
He laughs, strained. “I think you should let me go on my knees and eat you out until tomorrow morning.”
God. God. I shake my head, dizzy, warm, dazzled. “Let’s just have sex. You—you can’t be enjoying this,” I tell him around a moan. I clearly am. Enjoying it.
“You sure?” He angles me a little, and there is no mistaking the hot bulge of his cock against my hip.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not—I’m not even doing anything. If we went to bed, I could—”
“You make soft little sounds. You shift your hips when I do—ah, yes. This. And these tiny spasms around my finger, which make me think of you clenching around my cock. Given how tight you are, it isn’t happening anytime soon, but—” He closes his eyes and takes a deep, undone breath. “Sorry.”
His rhythm on my clit is picking up, and I’m fading fast, all shallow breathing and spotty vision. “Sorry?”
“Just trying to get a grip.”
“You don’t have to get a grip. You can take me upstairs and—”
My channel contracts around him and we both groan. “You sure you don’t want two fingers, Elsie?”
I let my shoulders fall back against the window. It’s wet with my sweat, not cold anymore. “We should try.”
He watches himself this time. He stares at his index finger disappearing inside me alongside the middle, his other hand drawing calming patterns on my waist. I clench and gasp and twist on him, but he doesn’t let up, keeps pushing in slowly, and after some resistance, I’m taking him, arching involuntarily to make room, letting out a final little noise of gratitude and disbelief.
“Jesus,” Jack says. “Fuck.”
I’m getting used to it. This sense of being crammed with something hot and beautiful. I move experimentally. Squeeze around him till we both make sounds that belong to animals.
“Good?”
I nod. The edges of my vision are blurry. “Good.”
His kisses are gentle pecks, almost chaste. Afterthoughts, punctuations to this lurid, soaking thing we’re doing. “So maybe you like to be full,” he says, voice husky.
I nod. Maybe I do.
“I will give you anything I have—anything you want, if you let me go down on you right now.”
I lie back, enjoy the fullness, and try to decide in the mush that is my brain. “I’ve never done it,” I whisper, and Jack must find the situation unacceptable, because he drops to his knees in front of me and inhales deeply against the crease of my abdomen.
It takes exactly two swipes of his tongue to send me to outer space.
One around my opening, where he’s stretching me too wide, and I think I’m going to die of embarrassment, of heat, of the liquid pressure that grows with each of his guttural groans.
Then he moves up to my clit, and I know—I know—that nothing has ever felt like this in my life, that good things come sparingly, that I should try to make this last, but it’s over before it starts.
My body seizes and snaps and bursts into a bubble of simple, pure, physical pleasure that feels too intense to weather alone.
My fingers pull Jack’s hair too tight, dig in his scalp, and he keeps on eating at me, even when I’m coming down.
His fingers stay deep inside, as if to give me something to contract around while I ride it out, and it’s perfect, this.
It’s explosive, crashing, nuclear. Somewhere in the universe antimatter is being produced, and it’s all because of this.
Because of us.
“I think I’m dying,” I say the second I can breathe, completely serious. My heels are digging into his back, and wet noises rise up from where he’s still running his tongue over me.
“I think I want to do this every day,” he responds, kissing my pussy like he would my mouth. “Every day for the rest of my life.”
His words barely register, the glow of pleasure scrambling my mind as he pulls out his fingers and stands to press a soft kiss on my jaw. He murmurs soothing praises and nuzzles the top of my head, like he knows how disoriented I feel. I think these are cuddles. They feel as good as the orgasm.
Then something occurs to me: I came. He didn’t. I think of that moment of tense desperation just before, the fear of being stuck on the verge of pleasure, and I wonder if that’s where Jack is at now. If that’s how he feels, pulled too tight, too big for his skin.
“I want to have sex,” I tell him for the millionth time, and it’s true. I do. I want to see Jack come, for a whole host of reasons that have little to do with him. I’m utterly, purely selfish.
“Against tonight’s rules,” he mutters into my shoulder.
“So you’re just going to stop?” I shift my thigh, and it’s still there. His erect cock.
“I’m fine with—”
“Honesty,” I cut in. We’re both starting to wield the word like a weapon. “What do you want now? Putting aside your ‘rules.’ ” I roll my eyes at the last word, which seems to amuse him. My stomach blooms with heat—a physical reaction to his dimple.
“I don’t have to—”
“Honesty.”
“Okay.” He exhales and stares down at my body. Considers the possibilities. “I want to come on your stomach.”
“Oh.” I expected . . . I don’t know what. Not this. “Is it a . . . kink you have?”
He shakes his head. “Not usually, no. But . . .” He looks past my eyes, uncharacteristically bashful.
“Honesty?” I request.
“I never thought of myself as the possessive type. But . . . you were someone else’s for a long time. It drove me a bit crazy in my lizard brain.”
I nod, thinking of my own vague jealousy. “I think you should, then.”
He swallows. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I bite back a smile. “Make sure your clothes stay on. Rules and all.”