Chapter 6 Lauren
Lauren
The cold darkness wrapped around her, tingling over her skin as she walked toward her car in the library parking lot. A nudge in the back of her mind said the chill in the air wasn’t real, but the hairs on her arms rose anyway.
A thick haze distorted the view, and her stomach turned. It was happening again, and there wasn’t anything she could do to stop it.
A strong hand pressed over her mouth and nose as a sickening weight coiled around her, pinning her arms to her sides. It was always the same, and she was helpless—always thrashing but never breaking away.
Needles pricked her lungs from the inside, and her legs wouldn’t budge. They hung useless as the force dragged her against her will. She couldn’t fight this—couldn’t even try.
Then the voice—strong and commanding. “Stop!”
Lauren’s eyes opened immediately. Blinking back the fog of sleep, the dresser and closet door came into focus. She was in her bedroom, safe at home. She turned onto her back. The ceiling fan moved in its slow, dizzying circles as she tried to anchor herself in reality.
The dream was slightly different each time it came.
This time, a wave of peace had washed over her when Zach shouted at his brother.
The dream hadn’t been the true sequence of events, but her mind liked to piece together subtle changes in the replay she never wanted.
She still hadn’t made sense of it after all these years.
In the dream, a dark force had her in its grip, then the command came to release her. Immediately, her rapid heartbeat had begun to slow. It was a welcome reaction considering some of the nightmares left her in a cold, sticky sweat, screaming and gripping the sheets tangled around her.
“Just a dream,” she whispered into the quiet room. It was a tool she’d learned in her psychology studies. Speak the truth. Call it what it was, and the fear of the unknown no longer held its power.
A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table said she had fifteen minutes before she had to get ready for work. Pushing off the blanket, Lauren sat up and stretched her arms above her head. Another day, another wake-up call.
Zach had spoken the word, but something bigger than him had given the command. He would never understand if she told him she believed the Lord had worked through him that night. In fact, he’d laugh in her face.
Dragging her feet to the bathroom, she fell into her daily routine.
Praise and worship music filled the air as she got ready for work, then she grabbed her Bible and study guide and headed to the kitchen.
She brewed a single-serve cup of coffee and pulled eggs and bacon out of the refrigerator.
Doubling her usual ingredients, she let the sizzle of grease in the pan wake her up.
When the food was cooked, she sat at the worn table and ate while scrolling through news articles. The bottom of her mug snagged on a bump in the wood and almost spilled her coffee. She’d picked the table up at Blackwater Restoration over a year ago, but she hadn’t had the time to restore it yet.
Maybe things were about to change. She had a handyman now. A free one, at that.
When she’d finished eating, she opened to the day’s lesson and found the accompanying scripture.
The words on the pages blurred until they were merely gray smudges on the page.
It happened every time she tried to read the Bible these days.
Other books didn’t bring on the immediate anxiety—just this one.
Balling her hands into fists, she let out a bone-deep sigh and hung her head. “God, why is this happening? Why do I have this block keeping me from You?”
Never in her life had she doubted the presence and the power of God. She’d been praising His name since she was a teenager, and it had carried her through the darkest times in her life. Her faith wasn’t fragile.
Why did she feel so lost when she wasn’t? God had her securely in the palm of His hand, and His word promised that nothing could separate the two of them.
Moisture seeped from her closed eyelids, and she took a fortifying breath. “Help me to see. I don’t know what I’m doing. Why am I struggling when the truth is right in front of me?”
Her hands gripped the Bible. It all seemed so complicated.
“God, please guide me. Show me how to see You.” She wasn’t above begging, especially when she needed to figure out a Sunday School lesson for the kids and prepare for her own Bible study class.
She took pride in knowing others could count on her, but here she sat, falling apart before she’d even read the first words of the study guide.
A quick succession of three knocks sounded at the door, and she pushed away from the table, wiping her eyes as she left the lesson behind. She wouldn’t be making any progress this morning.
Brushing her hair over her shoulders, she prayed as she neared the front door. “Lord, give me patience for him today.”
As expected, Zach stood on her front porch wearing the clothes she’d purchased for him yesterday—a white T-shirt and jeans, as he’d requested.
Dark stubble covered his chin and jaw. She would run by the store on her way home and get him a razor.
It was just one more item added to the huge list of things he needed.
She’d never picked up a stray man before, but it was turning out to be more work than bringing home a traumatized puppy.
Being released from an extended stay in prison had to be a lot like starting over. Thankfully, her church had a clothes closet and plenty of basic items set aside for helping the people in the community, and she’d been slowly furnishing the rental house with secondhand pieces for years.
“Morning, angel.” The words were hoarse as if they were the first he’d said since waking, and there wasn’t a bit of sweetness in them.
“Good morning.” She stepped to the side and waved her arm. “Come in.”
Zach stepped over the threshold and took in her meager home. Everything from the cheap crown molding to the baseboards had been out of style for over fifty years, but the house her grandparents had lived in for the majority of their lives served its purpose well, and that was enough for her.
They’d been too old to raise her and Anthony when their parents decided drugs were more important than kids, but her grandparents had done everything they could, including leaving their house to her when they passed.
Anthony had already gone off the rails, and his name was removed from the family like all of the others who’d fallen into a lawless life.
The worn carpet from the nineties scratched the bottom of her bare foot as she gave him space to enter. Replacing the flooring in both houses was at the top of her to-do list. Hopefully, he could manage it.
“Nice place,” he said, rubbing the scruff on his cheek.
“Is it everything you expected?” she asked, half curious and half numb to what he might think about her and her home. It had been a long morning already, and it was barely daylight.
Zach’s gaze lingered a moment on her before he resumed his assessment. “No, but nothing about you has been what I expected.”
Of course she’d surprised him yesterday. She’d kept her intentions close to her heart until the time was right—until Zach could actually use his connections to help her find Anthony. Zach probably hadn’t expected her to offer him a place to live either.
Any of his other expectations? They didn’t mean anything to her.
She wasn’t out to impress him. Truth be told, she understood expectations that missed the mark.
She’d hoped to be well on her way to building a family by now, but that wasn’t the season she was in.
It might not ever be at this rate. She hadn’t exactly gotten the whole dating thing down pat, and the thought of giving that kind of trust to anyone was terrifying.
Lauren grabbed the spare key off the small table beside the couch. “This is yours.”
Zach’s brow lifted, but he didn’t reach for the key. “You sure you want to do that? I could rob you blind.”
She’d considered that possibility ad nauseam, but there wasn’t anything in this place she couldn’t live without. Material things didn’t mean much to her, and if someone took them, maybe they needed them more. Besides, a robber didn’t need a key if they really wanted inside.
“I’m not worried about it.”
Zach’s stare remained locked on her as he slowly shook his head. “You’re not smart all the time.”
Lord, I could use that patience, please.
“I’m too tired to be smart right now.” Striding past, she ignored his heavy gaze. “Let me show you around, so I can get on my way to work.”
“You still working at the library?” he asked behind her.
“Yep.”
“One-word answers. You’re not as chipper as you were yesterday,” Zach pointed out. “Not a morning person, I take it? Regretting the convict you offered to house?”
As if she needed a commentary of her morning. It was hard enough getting out of bed after a nightmare. Couldn’t he just let her wallow in her gloomy mood?
She led the way to the small laundry room at the back of the house and turned on the light. The orange glow did nothing to romanticize the outdated dark wood paneling, light fixture, and appliances.
“The washing machine had a major leak a few weeks ago, and I’d like to have this hardwood flooring torn up and replaced.
Everything including the subfloor. Tools you’ll need are in the storage room next to this one.
I think you can get it all torn out today, and I’ll pick up the new flooring during my lunch hour. ”
Zach must have noticed the sagging floor between the joists as he stepped from one section to the other.
“I’ll get someone with a truck to help me with the lumber. There’s a metal bin in the back where you can put the—Don’t!”
She lurched out of the room as he jumped on a weak spot on the floor.
His grin took on a boyish gleam as he bounced again. “Feels like I might fall through.”
“Precisely!” Lauren spoke through clenched teeth. “That’s why you’re going to replace it.”
Zach’s gaze roamed the tiny room. “You’re telling me I get to tear something apart on my first day?”
“Yep. Your destructive tendencies get a chance to break free. After I leave the premises. You can move everything into the bathroom. My computer is on the counter in the kitchen. You can use it to search anything you don’t know how to do.
Your breakfast is in the microwave. It may need to be warmed. ”
Lauren turned to step past him through the narrow doorway, brushing too close to his broad chest. “I’ll be back around noon.”
Leaving her untouched coffee on the table next to her Bible and study guide, she made a direct path for the front door. She needed to get away from Zach Wilson so she could breathe again.