Chapter 23
Noah
As I scramble to prepare for my trip to California, I don’t see Emma around the office. That doesn’t stop my mind from wandering to her every other minute though. Our conversations over the weekend play on a loop inside my head, drawing me into an emotional spiral.
I’m so distracted on my way to the airport that I don’t notice when the car in front of me hits their brakes. I barely have time to react before I rear-end them. The sound of metal crumpling and horns pierce my ears. Thankfully, everyone turned out to be okay, but there is no hope for my car. After exchanging insurance information, I take an Uber the rest of the way and make it to my flight on time.
It’s only when I finally touch down in California that I realize I had a text from Emma, sent five hours earlier.
Emma : I tried to catch you before you left for the day; you must have been in a hurry. I hope you have a safe and smooth flight. Xoxo.
I lean my head back against the seat, feeling like a dick. I’ll have to call her later, tell her about the fender bender so she doesn’t think I’ve been ignoring her.
Except I don’t call her. In typical Noah fashion, I don’t text her either. I stay busy over the week, checking on the hotel project and keeping Mr. Adachi updated at every turn. The first
hotel in this series is the most crucial. After the first one is complete, the project manager will oversee the rest. And this is the excuse I tell myself for avoiding Emma like the dirtbag I am.
When I’m with Emma, everything else fades away, and it’s easy to be with her in the moment. I can almost see a happy future with her filled with children. I can almost feel her erasing my fears completely. But the second I’m away from her, all hell breaks loose. All of my doubts come flooding back. How can I possibly be a father figure to her kid? Hell, we’ve only known each other for about seven months now—who am I to take on that responsibility?
As Thursday evening unfolds, guilt finally takes over me. I pull out my phone and stare at her contact, my thumb hovering over the call button. What would I even say? That I’ve been a coward? And that I’m terrified—terrified of how quickly she’s wedged herself into my mind and heart. I shake my head and decide against it. I fly back tomorrow evening. I’ll go straight to her house and explain everything face to face. I owe her that much.
———
In the middle of the night, I’m awoken by the incessant buzzing of my phone.
"What the hell?” I murmur, sitting up slightly disoriented. My surroundings are blurry in the haze of sleep, my brain struggling to focus on Marcus’ text messages.
Marco : Hey. Sorry to wake you so late.
Marco : I think Emma is in labor, I’m about to take her to the hospital. I’m just waiting on her to pack her hospital bag.
Marco : She’s been having stomach pains all day. I took her home around lunch, but they haven’t stopped. Call me when you wake up.
I blink into the darkness as the situation slowly comes into focus. Emma is in labor and he couldn’t be bothered to call me? I don’t care that it’s the middle of the night, this is something that warrants a phone call. My heart races as I dial the number for the private jet charter company and order an Uber, and my mind races ahead, imagining Emma in pain.
Me : Tell her I’m on my way, I’ll be there in just a few hours. And next time, for the love of God, CALL ME. Fucker.
Just as I set my phone down, Marcus calls me. I answer the phone with urgency, my heart pounding as I throw my clothes into a duffel bag.
“How is she?” I demand.
“She’s in a lot of pain and she’s really anxious. We’re getting in the car now,” Marcus replies breathlessly. The sound of panic in his voice sends a jolt through me.
“Let me talk to her,” I say, slipping my shoes on and heading towards the exit.
“Noah,” he says exasperated. “She doesn’t want you to come right now. I think it's best if you just stay in California and finish whatever you need to do. You’ll stress her out more by being here.”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut. “There is no way in hell I’m staying here. I have a jet waiting for me and I’ll be there in three hours, whether she wants me or not.” I end the call before he can argue.
The Uber pulls up to the curb right as I’m exiting the hotel. I throw my bag in the backseat and jump in after it. I turn to the driver and hand him some cash. "Run every red light.”
“You got it, sir,” he replies with a grin.
As we speed through the city, I can’t help the cold dread I feel in the bottom of my stomach. I’m not sure I’ll make it in time. I close my eyes and picture Emma in pain and scared. I shouldn’t have left her with her being this far along. She told me just last week how alone she is in this world and I abandon her. Just like her parents did. Just like I did with Henry.
I never committed to her, but deep down I know I want this. I want her and everything that comes with her. I’ve been a coward. I should have told her instead of running again.
Two hours and forty-five minutes later, I’m finally deplaning. I quickly check Marcus’s location to see which hospital they went to and head that way. The twenty-minute drive it takes to reach the hospital feels like an eternity. The thought of Emma scared and in pain gnaws at me. I tap my knees with anxiety.
As I enter the hospital, the harsh fluorescent lights amplify my anxiety. I approach the front desk and ask for Emma's room number. After getting the information I need, I break into a jog down the hallway until I reach her room, and my heart stops momentarily at the sight of Emma. She's laying in the bed pale, yet still gorgeous as ever, her chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. She looks up at me, her eyes heavy with exhaustion, and despite the anger she must feel towards me, she looks relieved to see me.
“You came,” she whispers, her chin trembling. Her voice pulls at my heart.
“Of course I came,” I reply, as I take my place in a chair beside her bed. I glance at Marcus who’s fast asleep on the sofa. Pathetic. He couldn’t even manage to stay awake for her.
I reach for her hand, the one free of IV tubes, and kiss her palm gently. Turning it over, I squeeze reassuringly. “How are you feeling? Marcus said you were in a lot of pain.”
She sits up slowly, wincing briefly. “They gave me something for the pain and some fluids,” she explains. “They said it was false labor. My contractions are too far apart and irregular for it to be the real thing. I am dilated to two centimeters, but they said I could stay that way for several weeks. I’m free to go home now, they’re just preparing the discharge papers.”
Relief floods me. “I’m so glad to hear that," I smile at her.
"I'm sorry you rushed all this way for nothing. I told Marcus to tell you not to come," she says with a serious expression that makes me feel uneasy.
"No. Don't even worry about that, work can wait," I insist. "I'm so sorry, Emma. I shouldn’t have left you here all alone.” The weight of regret settles heavily on my chest.
She shakes her head, a soft smile breaks through the seriousness of her features. “Noah, I don’t need a babysitter. And I wasn’t alone—Marcus hasn’t left my side all day.” Her eyes shift to the sofa, where Marcus is still fast asleep.
The mention of my brother slices through the moment. A familiar ache of resentment returns. “Right,” I say, my voice tight trying to keep my temper at bay. The thought of him being by her side, comforting her, makes me bitter. It should have been me.
Emma must feel the shift in my energy because she squeezes my hand, a look of pity on her face. “Noah,” she whispers gently. “You’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t want to do this. Of course I called Marcus instead of you. I didn't have anyone else in this city—"
"No. You have me ," I interrupt. "I'm sorry I haven't talked to you this week. Honestly I've been busy, but I thought about you the entire time I was gone."
"You’re better off— “
“Better off?” I cut her off again, sharply. “You think I’m better off sitting in California while you’re here with my brother? My brother, who is only here because he has some sick, twisted attachment to your baby. He thinks he gets a do-over to be there for your baby like he wasn’t with our little brother.“
Emma's eyes widen in a mix of surprise at my outburst and hurt. I regret the words immediately after they leave my mouth, and I can feel the heat of shame creeping up my neck. Emma removes her hand from my grasp.
"Noah, that’s not fair," she replies, keeping her voice low in order to not wake Marcus. "That's not true and you know it. He’s my friend and he’s protective because that’s how you are when you care about someone!" Her voice gets increasingly louder.
“You’re right,” I admit,” I didn’t mean that. I’m just struggling here—“ I stand up, feeling restless. I grip my hair with both hands. I’m losing it right now.
"Do you think I wanted to call him?" she counters, her emotions rising to the surface. "You were the first person I thought of. I wanted YOU here, Noah! But you've made your choice clear, and I can't just wait for you to decide when to show up."
The intensity presses against my chest. "I'm here now," I say, my voice softening. "I didn't mean to lash out. I'm just... scared."
“I don’t know what kind of weird jealousy thing you have going on with Marcus, but I don’t want to be apart of it," she continues without listening to me. "I don't want you around if it’s just about some pissing contest between the two of you.”
“It’s not! I didn’t mean that, Emma.” My heart races as I scramble to repair the damage I just caused. “I want to be here with you. I realize that now,” I plead, desperately trying to reach her through the wall I've accidentally built.
“I think you should leave,” she whispers as a single tear rolls down her face.
“No, Emma—“
“Please, Noah. I can’t keep doing this back-and-forth thing with you. My heart can’t handle it, and the stress you’re putting on me and the baby is not healthy,” she says, her gaze fixed on her lap.
Her words are like a punch to my gut, and my chest tightens as I grapple with the reality of my actions. Each moment of silence only widens the space between us. The longer I wait for her to meet my gaze, the more the flicker of hope I had fades.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to cause you any stress. I just get so scared—“
"I know," she chokes out. "I need stability, Noah. Whatever has been going on between us isn't working. From the start, you've told me you didn't want this and I thought I could change you. I should have just listened. You were right all along. I'm begging you to please just go," she says with finality.