Chapter 33
Noah
Seven the next morning finally rolls around and I’m ready to go visit Emma in the hospital. Last night was the longest night of my life. The baby woke up nearly every hour. Her cries echoed through the empty house, a constant reminder that I have no idea what I’m doing and that I’m alone in this. She’s either a very fussy baby, or she can sense my fear.
I’ve never been so sleep deprived, almost to the point where I feel delirious. Walking towards the bedroom, I catch my reflection in the mirror. My hair is a mess and I have dark shadows under my eyes. Pushing through the fatigue, I quickly get dressed, throwing on jeans and a t-shirt. I pack the diaper bag, and buckle the baby in her seat.
I’m desperate to get out of the house, the walls feel as if they are going to close in on me. Emma’s things are a constant reminder that she’s missing. I just need to be with her, holding her hand. “Let’s go see your mom,” I say to the little one.
———
Another day filled with disappointment passes. Nurses and doctors are in and out of her room with no news to give me, only pitiful looks and fake enthusiasm. Every hour that passes has me re-thinking the choices I made. What was I thinking? What if Emma doesn’t wake up for several months or—and I hate to even put this thought out there—ever? Am I just going to raise this child? I’ll probably end up in prison someday for kidnapping.
The baby sleeps on Emma’s chest in between feedings, her gentle breaths are a small comfort in this grim reality. I scroll on my phone, reading the latest news stories and celebrity gossip to Emma. While telling her about the baby’s first night at home, the pain becomes too unbearable to continue. I close my eyes for a moment, envisioning the family we could be together if she would just wake up.
Later that night, Marcus meets me at the house again. He holds the baby and watches tv on the couch while I savor a long shower, eager to wash away my exhaustion from the day. I take Marcus up on his offer when he insists on staying in order to help me with the night shift. I have no business turning him down, knowing I’m utterly exhausted and teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown right now.
When morning comes around and I see the sun shining through the blinds in Emma’s bedroom, I jump out of bed in a panic. My heart races as I rush to the nursery. Why didn’t the baby wake me up last night? As I round the corner, I spot Marcus fast asleep in the rocking chair by the crib.
I approach the crib, heart pounding, as I lean in to check on the baby. When I see her chest rise and fall, a wave of relief washes over me and I can finally breathe. She’s safe.
“I stayed with her the whole night,” Marcus whispers. “You needed the sleep, bro. You didn’t look good yesterday.”
“I’m fine,” I reply sharply.
“No. You’re not,” he insists. “You can’t push yourself like this. You won’t last long.”
“I can handle it,” I snap back. Marcus follows me to the kitchen and doesn’t let up while I start a pot of coffee.
“Why don’t you hire a nanny? Even if it’s just part time while you’re visiting Emma or over night?” He crosses his arms and leans against the sink, studying me with concern.
“I will not have a stranger taking care of my baby,” I retort. The words slip out before I can stop them.
“Your baby?” His eyebrows shoot up.
“Emma’s baby. She may as well be mine, too. She already has me wrapped around her finger,” I admit, my voice softening.
“Look, I get it. Just let me help you,” Marcus says, the sincerity in his eyes makes it hard to resist.
“You can help me by staying with Emma tomorrow morning. The baby has an appointment with a pediatrician, and I hate leaving her at that hospital alone.” My heart tightens at the reminder that she spent the night alone again.
“I’ll be there,” he says without hesitation. He moves to the machine and pours two cups of coffee, handing one over to me.
"Let me take the morning shift with Emma today, too," he insists.
I take a sip of the steaming coffee, letting it burn its way down my throat while I contemplate the offer. "Alright. Fine. I do need to catch up on emails and check-in on the hotel project. I'll be there around lunchtime."
"You should think about letting me take the lead on the hotels for now, too. I know what I'm doing and you need to focus on other things." Marcus pours his coffee into a travel mug and starts heading for the door.
"I'll think about it," I say, locking the door behind him.
The baby's soft cries drift to the kitchen just as I'm finishing up the last of my coffee. Perfect timing. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this. I feed her, burp her, change her diaper, and dress her in a new outfit.
"I just have to swing by my house and grab my laptop, then we'll go to the store and buy more formula," I explain while strapping her in the seat. She just stares back at me with wide eyes. "We will go see your mommy soon, I promise," I whisper, kissing her on the head.
I pull into the parking lot, taking my time to get out of the car. I tie the baby sling around my chest and behind my back. Carefully, I place the baby in the sling against my chest. Paranoid someone might try to snatch her from the carseat, this is the perfect solution.
Pushing the cart with one hand and rubbing the baby's back through the soft material with the other, I peruse the baby aisles. I grab several large cans of formula and go to checkout. "Hopefully this will last you a few months," I murmur.
"Your total is two hundred and forty eight dollars," the cashier says.
For such a tiny little thing, she sure is expensive. I hand the lady my credit card at the same time my phone starts buzzing. Checking my watch, I see it's Marcus calling. My body instantly goes cold. Did Emma wake up? Or did something bad happen to her? He wouldn't be calling me already if it wasn't important.
Grabbing the bags of formula, I rush out of the store and walk quickly to my car. I call Marcus back, putting the phone on speaker while I buckle her in.
"Noah. We have a problem," he answers.