Chapter 46
What was intended to be a second round turned into a third, and so forth.
Even in the shower, Nicolas had Emily coming on his hands as he helped her wash like it was his life’s mission.
They’d lost track of time so much that they didn’t realize they’d taken up the entire day. By the time they’d eaten and sobered up from their lavender haze, it was late again.
“This is all your fault.” She panted as her cheek rested against his broad chest. He played with the strands of her hair as the unsteady beating of both their hearts somehow became in sync.
“Yes, it’s my fault you’re irresistible.” He kissed the top of her head, making her shudder. “Definitely not because you know how to make a man lose his willpower by giving one look.”
She huffed at his words, but they made her even more lightheaded. “But I’m extra sore now. There’s no way we’ll be able to go sightseeing today.”
Hearing the whine in her voice, Nicolas brushed her hair away to get a better look at her face. Pausing for a moment, he bemoaned, “I’m sorry—”
“Again, you’re not!”
“You’re right. I’m not,” he admitted this time teasingly, causing her to groan in frustration.
“I couldn’t ever be sorry for the way you’ve been making me feel.”
When she brought her hand up to choke him, he couldn’t help but chuckle.
Grabbing hold of her tiny hands, he scolded her playfully. “Hey, hey. No choking. Unless you want to go for another round that is.”
Her mouth dropped open. “You’re insatiable.”
“I thought we already established this last night. And this morning. Even right now, Em.”
Emily’s cheeks were the shade of rosé.
Even with the scowl on her face, Emily’s eyes shone in a way that only deep happiness could bring. It blossomed from within her heart, and she couldn’t hide it for all she was worth.
“Your eyes are smiling,” Nicolas stated, tracing the outlines of them, causing the skin at the sides to crinkle with a small smile.
“That’s because even when you’re being a pain in the ass, I can’t help but like you.”
“Like?” His eyebrows rose unpleasantly.
She rolled her eyes. “Love you.”
He pinched her cheeks. “That’s more like it, baby.”
God, she wanted to eat him up every time he used that pet name. But she couldn’t. Well, she shouldn’t. Not if she wouldn’t physically be able to keep up.
Batting his hands away, Emily shifted her gaze out to the distance where the patio door was left open and gave a nightly view of the Eiffel Tower. It’d now be a reminder of all the passionate stirs that happened between them here.
“I really wanna see the city,” Emily sighed.
“And we will.” He caressed her jaw lightly. “Tomorrow, but we have to be more discreet.”
She looked at him, suddenly on high alert.
Emily hoped the fear she felt wasn’t showing on her face, but she guessed it had, given how quickly Nicolas followed up.
“Someone got pictures of us from earlier. I took care of them. They won’t reach the internet.”
“Oh God.” She groaned.
Emily thought about what could have happened if he hadn’t been able to do so.
It would have been a disaster. The thought of being public with her relationship didn’t scare her anymore, but there was still fear of it coming out like that.
Once was enough to know how brutal paparazzi could be in the aftermath of a dating exclusive.
Imagining a marriage one gave her the chills.
Especially one involving someone like Nicolas.
That needed to be revealed on their own terms.
She wanted to make the best of this week since it was a once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon.
Not just have them roll around in the sheets.
She wanted to bring her husband to her special spot, take pictures, buy souvenirs, and walk hand in hand down the Parisian streets.
She desired all of that and more, but maybe it wasn’t a good idea.
“Maybe we should just stay inside.”
“Are you sure?” Nicolas frowned, his bottom lip tugging into his mouth with a harsh bite before releasing it. “I didn’t mean to scare you by telling you this. I just thought you’d like to know.”
Her hand caressed the side of his face. “I know,” she breathed as his eyes fluttered close at her thumb brushing against his cheek.
“But we can have fun indoors.” Emily tried to sound more convincing but maybe it didn’t work with how his eyes snapped back open. “Plus, I feel like night comes drastically faster here. We woke up before eleven this morning yet it’s already five.”
Nicolas’s dark eyes studied her momentarily, shifting at every point on her face, then he gave her forehead a quick kiss.
“I always lose track of time when I’m with you,” he mumbled, rubbing down the length of her arm to nail his point.
She looked at him with eyes that had turn to splits. He laughed with a shake of his head. “I won’t do anything to you. I promise.”
“You better not.”
He gave her a look. “It’s not like you’d even stop me if I tried. You love being ruined as much as I do.”
Her palm became sweaty as her eyes expanded in shock and what was no doubt shameless excitement.
“Nico—”
“Okay, okay. I get it.” He held up his hands in surrender. “Why don’t we smoothly transition into a change of topic? Like, what do you want to do for Christmas?”
Emily’s eyes widened at the reminder.
The holiday was next week, yet she hadn’t remembered a thing about it.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that celebrating it hadn’t brought much joy in her life for a while now.
Over the past few years, without her family being present, Emily was never in the spirit.
She hadn’t even given two cents about Thanksgiving either because it was always so depressing for her to eat alone.
“I haven’t celebrated Christmas in four years. I just kind of…forgot about the holidays over time.”
“Even with all the festivities? The constant excitement of people?”
“My mind has, strangely enough, adapted to blocking it all out. Christmas hasn’t felt merry since my family and I drifted apart. Jake’s always busy around this time of year too. I think he buries himself in work because it’s easier than dealing with everything else.”
Nicolas probably knew what she was about to tell him.
“He doesn’t speak to his family anymore. His father has a criminal record, and his mother only calls when she needs money. I think he’s ashamed to be connected to them. So he’s probably written the whole holiday off. It’s the loneliest time of year for him…and me.”
“Oh, Emily.” Nicolas gathered her into his arms at her revelation. For once, he didn’t seem to mind the mention of Jake.
“I mean, it wasn’t all that bad.” She patted his arm reassuringly.
“Chelsea would come over the day after Christmas to celebrate with me. She always felt bad that she couldn’t do it on the day itself because that’s obviously when she’d be with the rest of our family.
Talia would come over for drinks as we counted down to New Year’s as well. ”
“Thank God.” He blew out a breath. “Even though it hurts to know you’ve spent Christmas all alone like that, I’m glad they made the effort to keep you company at some point during the holidays.”
“Yep.” Emily flicked his nose playfully like he always did hers. “So you can stop giving me that look of pity now. I’m a grown woman that can manage a couple days of solitude by herself.”
“That’s not solitude. It’s emotional abandonment. Because of what you went through, you had no choice but to stay by yourself. You didn’t want to go back home after everything they had done to you. They hadn’t made any efforts to get you back either except for your sister.”
Emily couldn’t look him in the eyes, so she settled on the next best thing, which was his chin.
Unfortunately, Nicolas wasn’t having that; he used his finger to tilt her head back up to meet his expressive eyes.
“You won’t ever have to feel like that again, okay?
From now on, we’ll spend every holiday together. ”
Emily could feel her lips trembling as the tears came. She couldn’t believe how incredible this man was.
“What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly before wiping her tears.
Shifting onto her belly, Emily looked at him directly. “Why do you love me?”
He jerked back like he’d been struck. “What?”
“Why do you love me?” she repeated herself, becoming more emotional.
“I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve someone who cares for me as much as you do.
It makes no sense with the track record I’ve had.
Not to mention how much I lose my cool around you.
When it comes to anyone else, I can be such a charismatic person, but when it comes to you, I become so…
sensitive, reliant, needy. It’s pathetic. ”
Nicolas shook his head. “No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is!”
She chuckled darkly. “Just look at me. I’m losing my head by solely speaking about it. I’m not the person someone like you should love. It doesn’t make sense to me.”
He swallowed harshly. “I guess you’ve been thinking about this for quite some time, huh?
I don’t know what you mean by you not being the kind of person I should love because you’re everything and more.
You’re beautiful, smart, resilient, funny—that’s what pulls me in.
You ask what you’ve done to deserve me? But it’s really what have I’ve done to deserve you?
“You’re outside the scope of this, but I’m a selfish bastard.
I haven’t had anyone stick by me for a long time.
No one that’ll cause me to have the urgency to not let them go.
You break in front of me because of our trust. I trust you enough to show you the darkest sides of me.
Just like you do to me. It’s not pathetic, Emily.
It just shows how much we truly love each other. ”
It was like a trigger had been pulled, and finally, Emily broke down, sobbing into the crook of his neck.
Nicolas rubbed at her bare back as she cried out her insecurities. “Silly woman.”
His right hand went up to comb through her hair as the other held her tightly to him.
“I’m going to love you anyway. Until the day you tell me not to. Even then, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop. For as long as I live and love, I will never not need you in my life, baby. So don’t hold all these insecurities in your heart. Please. It tears me apart.”
She lifted her hand to caress his stubbly cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“My satisfaction comes from you understanding, not apologizing.”
She nodded before pulling him in for a sweet kiss. “I get it. I won’t do it again.”