24. Amias
TWENTY-FOUR
AMIAS
She looked adorable in a white hat that contrasted against her brown skin.
The little pompom on top of her hat was extra cute.
The clothes I'd pulled out of her closet were loose pants like the ones she liked to wear to work and a sweater.
She wore sturdy boots, which I'd told her was a requirement.
In the trunk of the Range Rover I had two snowsuits, one in her size and one in mine.
I didn't think we'd need them, but I got them anyway, just in case she wanted to make snow angels or something.
"I don't like surprises," she mentioned for the tenth time as we drove.
"I know."
"So, tell me where we're going?"
"Nope."
I put my hand on her thigh over the console and squeezed. "I promise it's nothing bad and a whole lot of fun."
"I just get anxious at times," she admitted.
"Since the accident?"
"There was so much uncertainty during my recovery that I just like things being spelled out."
I turned my hand to be palm up on her thigh and she put hers on mine. I tangled our fingers. I hadn't held hands like this since I was in high school…maybe even earlier. I wasn't a hand holder. I wasn't a romantic. I wasn't a big gestures guy.
"Last night, you said you had questions, and we got distracted. One of your questions was about me kissing Ann."
She stilled. "You're allowed to kiss your girlfriend."
"Good news! Because I intend for us to kiss quite a lot."
I knew what I'd said. I'd done it on purpose, and her response was to sit frozen.
"What was your second question?"
"Am I your girlfriend?"
I grinned. "That was your second question?"
"No, it's…you know what I?—"
"Would you like to be?" I interrupted.
She leaned back on the leather seat as the near-deserted streets, after all it was Christmas Day, allowed us to get through Boston traffic faster than ever.
"What does it mean? Being a girlfriend…your girlfriend?"
She asked the strangest questions, I thought. She had a need for specificity that probably came from her work as a programmer and program manager who focused intensely on details.
"What would you like it to be?" I countered.
"I've never been a girlfriend, so I don't know."
Her accident altered the trajectory of her life, stealing the everyday experiences most of us have. She'd never dated. She hadn't been in a relationship with a man who wasn't a friend or family member.
"I'd like to spend time with you—I'd like for us to get to know each other better; have experiences together. I'd like for us to make love."
"But you'd want to keep your life as is."
She remembered what I'd said about not liking to change my life when I was in a relationship. I wanted the woman to fit my needs.
"I don't think that's possible in a real relationship. And I wouldn't want to not change things—as that would mean I'd be working sixty-hour weeks and would never be able to see you."
"Is that what happened with Ann?"
The countryside began to unfold before us, a panorama of snow-clad fields and distant, rolling hills.
"She has a busy job as well. We usually saw each other, but I started to realize it was only when we were out with other people.
" I extricated my hand from hers to change lanes and allow a car behind us to pass.
"I don't think that's the kind of relationship I want—but those are what I've had in the past."
Our destination started to get closer, and I hoped she'd enjoy the outing I'd planned at a private farm in Hamilton, known for its sleigh rides through the winter landscape.
"I'm not good in large social settings," Naya told me. "I've never been."
"You're an introvert, that's understandable."
"You're not."
"I think I'm somewhere in between. I get my energy from people around me, but I also have a need to be alone and recharge. You need more time on your own because people exhaust you."
Hayes was an introvert, and I knew his triggers and needs.
"How long would we be…ah doing this?"
"Oh, we'll go back home in a few hours," I told her.
She sighed. "No, I mean this girlfriend thing."
Yeah, I knew what she meant. But it was an insulting question and it had pissed me off.
"I don't know, darling; how long do you want me to hang around?" I asked, my teeth all but grinding.
She put a hand on my thigh. "I'm sorry. That was…I just…my second question last night was, why do you want to spend any time with me?"
Okay, so I was used to people who were confident or were at least pretending to be.
People who hid their fears and insecurities.
I wasn't use to someone like Naya who put her fears out there and yet had the courage to strip in front of me when she was so sure I'd walk out on her that she'd asked me to promise not to do that.
I'd take her courage over false bravado any day.
"I've been spending a lot of time thinking about you," I admitted.
"I am attracted to you. I like you. I think you're a really good programmer and program manager.
I think you're generous and kind. I think you're loyal to your friends, and they to you.
Darren has told me more than once that if I mess up with you, he'll fuck me up. "
"Darren? When?"
I groaned. "Fuck! I was hoping to wait to tell you. I talked to him about what wine you like."
She burst out laughing. "No wonder you picked my favorites. That was cheating Amias."
"Sweetheart, I was just pressing my advantage. You know when I came to your place I was worried that you'd spend time with me, and you'd dislike me. So, you're not the only one with insecurities. We all have them. We just hide them better."
"Why would I dislike you?" she frowned as I glanced at her.
I took an exit, and we started to drive on smaller roads.
"I'm known to be an arrogant asshole at times."
"Yeah, but I already knew that before I invited you over for Christmas dinner," she said nonchalantly and then, peeking out of the window, added, "We're in the boonies, Amias."
"We certainly are," I confirmed.
There was an ease about spending time with Naya. I was taking her on a date that none of my previous women would ever have wanted to go. Somehow, I was certain Naya would enjoy it.
The Calypso Farm was owned by a family friend, who had directed me to his events manager when I contacted them this morning.
I'd felt bad about bothering someone on Christmas Day, but Penelope, the events manager, had told me that they were open because families would come over after Christmas lunches.
It wasn't until then I realized that I hadn't bought Naya a present and she hadn't mentioned it to me.
I'd never ever have been allowed to forget that with Ann or any other woman, my mother included.
Hell, I'd made sure all my family members were receiving something from me even though my mother was currently pissed as hell with me.
I had a gift for Ann that was sitting in my closet and would be returned to the Hermes store.
I couldn't give a bag I bought for her to Naya and also my new girlfriend wasn't the bag type.
"Naya, I didn't get you anything for Christmas."
She gave me a blank look. "I thought the outing today was your Christmas present."
"Really?"
"And I cooked dinner for you, so that was my present to you."
"You were not expecting anything from me?"
"Not really. Were you?"
You're nothing I expected. You're everything I didn't even know I wanted. "The dinner was a beautiful present. Letting me in and trusting me with your body…even better."
She blushed.
I turned and took a long driveway headed to our destination. When I parked, her eyes scanned the farm, which looked like a scene from another era as it had been decorated to cater to happy families. We were early but Penelope had suggested the time so we could enjoy the sleigh ride alone.
"Are we there?" Her face opened up into a smile.
"Yes, baby."
"This is the cutest place ever," she exclaimed.
We got out of the car and were immediately assailed by the crisp air, filled with scents of pine and the earthy musk of horses.
"What are we doing here?" she asked in wonder.
"We're going on a sleigh ride," I finally told her.
She giggled, and my heart felt lighter. "Sleigh ride? Oh my god, Amias." She hugged me then, a spontaneous, exuberant hug, and then she gave me a big close-mouthed kiss on my lips. "This is going to be so much fun."
I thought again about what my type was, and here she was.
A woman who wanted to share an experience with me and didn't just expect me to give her a present that had financial value.
When you lived without worrying about money and grew up as I did, you learned to buy emotions and feelings.
You made gestures that were monetarily grand.
But Naya was thrilled about a sleigh ride in the ass end of nowhere that usually retailed for a hundred bucks a sleigh for forty-five minutes.
Her lack of interest in my money and expecting me to spend it on her warmed me all the way inside. For a man who never took relationships seriously, for the first time in my life, I wondered if there was a possibility that I'd want more than a bedmate and a trophy on my arm.
An old-fashioned sleigh awaited us! Its red paint vibrant against the white snow, decorated with jingling bells that promised music with every step. The horses, majestic and calm, seemed as eager to begin the journey as we were.
Wrapped in thick blankets, we settled into the sleigh, my arm around Naya, pulling her close.
With a gentle command from our guide, the sleigh lurched forward, and we were off, gliding over the snow.
The only sounds were the soft crunch beneath the runners, the rhythmic breathing of the horses, and the distant call of winter birds.
It was as if the world had paused, allowing us this moment of serene beauty.