6. Pearl
SIX
PEARL
"Wasn't Josie engaged to Dylan Whatsisname?" Rose Dixon, one of Aunt Hattie's friends and, in fact, Gabe Rhodes' cousin, mused as she sipped champagne.
Rose was a few years older than me, so I didn’t know her well.
But since moving to Savannah, I’d seen more of her.
She was close to Aurora, who wasn’t at Rhett and Josie’s engagement party.
Aurora and her husband, Gabe, were in New York, along with their family, celebrating Gabe’s daughter Sophie’s birthday, combining it with college tours to make the trip extra special.
"Dylan Rafferty," Aunt Hattie provided with a smirk. "He was smart, cheated on her, made sure she dumped him, and then left for Europe, where I hear he's living a charmed life in southern France with a French girl he married."
I arched a brow and offered a sly smile. “Comme c’est charmant.” I swirled the champagne in my glass. How nice for him!
Hattie tilted her head and replied, “Mais bien s?r,” before taking another delicate sip of her champagne. But of course.
"So, Dylan dodged a bullet, which I see Rhett walked right in front of?" Rose murmured.
I doubted that. They seemed perfect for each other. Narcissist weds asshole—a marriage made in Savannah society heaven.
"Oh, she made sure of that. She got knocked up," Hattie remarked.
I sighed. "Aunt Hattie, stop saying stuff like that and starting unfounded rumors."
"Hush, Pearl, this is good gossip,” Rosie admonished. “I have not heard about this. Hit me, Hattie."
"Christ," I groaned. "Why is it that everyone in Savannah gossips so ferociously?"
"Darlin', it's like breathin' for us." Rose fluttered her eyelashes dramatically.
"No shit," I retorted dryly.
Aunt Hattie smacked my arm playfully. "Now, Pearl, be a good girl and take the gossip with grace."
I gave out an exaggerated sigh. "Fine. Go on, Queen Gossip."
"Well, after her engagement ended, she began hanging out with Rhett for emotional support. They got drunk one night and had sex. Then, they dated for a few weeks. When Rhett was all but ready to dump her bony, shapeless ass, she told him she was knocked up; bless her heart."
"That timing is suspect," Rose concurred. "But Rhett's a big boy. Wasn't he suited up?"
"She brought the suit," Aunt Hattie said with satisfaction.
"How do you know?" I demanded wryly.
"My nephew talks to me." Aunt Hattie grinned.
"You think she sabotaged the rubbers?" Rose was loving every second of this conversation. She had her own real estate business and obviously didn’t like women like Josie.
From what I could see, there was a stark divide between the women who worked and those who were only interested in getting married in Savannah—either side couldn't stand the other. I saw nothing wrong with a woman who wanted to make an advantageous marriage (like this was a scene from Pride and Prejudice), but I didn’t want to be mocked for my choices, either.
So, I stayed out of that discussion, if I could help it.
"Actually, I don't know, and neither does Rhett, but then she had a miscarriage right after all the announcements were made,” Aunt Hattie explained.
"The poor thing," I exclaimed.
"Please," Aunt Hattie muttered, "if she was even pregnant, I'd eat my favorite fascinator."
"She wouldn't lie about that!" I protested.
I had grown up with Josie, so I knew she could be a malicious bitch—but to lie about a baby? No. I didn’t believe that at all.
"Oh, I could absolutely see her doing that. I mean, think about it,” Rose considered. “Women like her are waiting to get married, and she wasted five years of her life with Dylan. Now, she's past her prime?—"
"She's my age," I protested.
"Past her prime by Savannah standards," Rose expounded. "I know because I'm almost a dried-up old hag at thirty-four. I love my life and am not interested in getting married."
"That's because you have that friends-with-benefits relationship with…what's his name? That hunky blonde who works for Gabe?" Aunt Hattie queried.
The music changed from classical to jazz. That would be for Rhett, I thought. He was a jazz lover, had been when….
Stop thinking about the past, Pearl! That way lies pain.
"Devon." Rose dropped her empty glass of champagne on the tray of a passing server and picked up a fresh one. She lowered her voice. "So, Hattie, how do you know she lied about the baby?"
I was still nursing my first and only glass. I hated being here, seeing Rhett celebrating getting married, and there was no way I could force food down my throat.
Aunt Hattie gave her a sly look and said in a bad German Gestapo accent, “We have our ways.”
“Come on, spill, woman!” Rose demanded good naturedly.
Aunt Hattie only laughed.
I loved Aunt Hattie. She was the embodiment of Southern grace, with her silver-streaked chestnut hair swept into an elegant chignon, and a timeless beauty that had only deepened with age.
She was a tall woman who carried herself with the kind of regal poise that turned heads in every room.
Her sharp, intelligent eyes missed nothing, and the faintest trace of a knowing smile often played at the corners of her perfectly painted lips.
She knew how to play the game in society, which is why she knew most of what was going on. I didn’t aspire to be her, but I was glad I was not on her bad side.
"Does the family know?" I asked.
"Even if they did, they wouldn't believe it. Saint Josie can do no wrong."
"Does Rhett know?" Rose mused.
"He doesn't want to believe it." Aunt Hattie sounded sad. "He's so busy being a Vanderbilt and being controlled by that asshole father of his that he doesn't know how to live his life for himself. I hate that the boy cannot see himself."
"Parents have a strong hold on us," Rose muttered. "I spent a lifetime tryin' to please my mama, and you know she ain't never gonna be happy with me until I'm married and pregnant."
"But you're not going to let them force you into a marriage," Aunt Hattie pointed out.
The music soared and then started to drop off. I thought it was going to be time for announcements and speeches. We'd hear from the happy couple's parents and then the couple themselves, who'd share stories about how they met and how much they loved each other.
Shoot me the fuck now!
"I came close a few years ago…very close." Rose took a deep breath.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Thankfully, he dumped me."
"He didn't dump her; she made him," Aunt Hattie explained to me with a twinkle in her eyes.
"How did you do that?" I was curious as hell.
"I made sure he saw Devon fucking my brains out," Rose said happily.
"I want to be just like you when I grow up," I blurted out.
We laughed, and eyes turned to look at us.
One set was his.
"Well, a woman has needs," Aunt Hattie declared.
Having been single her whole life, Aunt Hattie lived life to the fullest and had many lovers, some discreet and others not so much.
She reached out to straighten my neckline with a gentle, almost absent-minded touch. "You look gorgeous."
"Thank you." I looked down at my dark blue dress, hoping that it didn’t make me look fat. Even now, after all these years, I worried about what people would say, the Savannah people, that is.
"Hello, hello," Suellen, Josie's mother's, voice crackled loudly, followed by the tapping of a finger on a microphone.
“Well,” Hattie drawled, her voice low and rich, “looks like the show’s about to begin. Try not to roll your eyes too hard, ladies; someone might notice.”
Rose and I giggled.
I listened to the speeches and the stories about how Josie and Rhett, the loves of each other’s lives, had met with a smile on my face, even though everything inside me was shriveling to see Rhett celebrating life with another woman.
I didn't love Rhett, no, he made sure to destroy that innocent affection—but he'd been my first lover, and right here was a reminder of that.
He'd treated me like dirt but was elevating Josie as his future wife in society.
He'd taken my virginity as part of a bet, but he'd given Josie a big fat diamond ring.
He'd ridiculed my body and was now with a thin woman.
Now, I was a size six, which by societal standards was considered slim—but when I looked in the mirror, that's not what I saw. I saw every flaw magnified, every imperfection glaring back at me like an accusation.
According to my therapist, having been ridiculed by the boy who I'd given my virginity to, on top of being constantly reminded of it by my mother, classmates, and everyone in society, had led to my body dysmorphia.
My therapist had tried to teach me how to challenge those thoughts, to separate reality from the distorted image my mind conjured up.
"The mirror isn’t a fact, Pearl," she’d said more than once.
"It’s a filter. Your brain is showing you what it fears, not what’s true.
" But fear was powerful, and it whispered things I couldn’t ignore, not when I was standing here feeling every single one of my old wounds rip open.
Rhett had made sure I knew my body was unacceptable back then after I'd let him see me naked.
God! I'd been so scared he wouldn't find me attractive.
We'd been in our family’s summerhouse. He'd been sweet, kind, loving, affectionate, everything that I'd ever dreamed a first lover would be.
He told me I was beautiful. He was the first person to do so.
To find out after that he'd lied—that it had all been a game, and in reality, he found me hideous, and my tight virgin hole was what made it bearable to fuck me—well, that was a poison that got into my bloodstream. That day by the pool had been the beginning of my unraveling, the moment I’d started to honestly believe that my body wasn’t good enough.
"Rhett is the best partner a girl could ask for," Josie spoke into the microphone as she looked into Rhett's eyes. They looked perfect together. Beautiful. Confident. I’d bet none of them looked in the mirror or their plate of food and wondered how they could disappear into nothingness.