17. Rhett #2
Despite how much of a bitch she could be, what I was doing to her was a terrible thing. This would be a second engagement that was ending for Josie, and even though she’d be more devastated about how that looked rather than the fact that we’d not be together, she didn’t deserve this.
“I am sorry,” I said sincerely. “I should’ve discussed this with you much earlier. In fact, we should never have gotten engaged just because you were pregnant.”
“Is this because I lost the baby?”
I was horrified that she’d suggest that, but I understood why she went there.
Losing a baby was hard. I hadn’t even been physically pregnant, and I’d felt the loss.
She had been connected to our child, so I could only imagine her pain and guilt.
And wasn’t that why I’d succumbed to the pressure to marry her in the first place?
“No, Josie, I would have ended it right then, if that was the case.” I took a deep breath and tamped down my anger.
I didn’t want to become the Rhett who said hurtful things.
I had done that way too many times, and now I knew what the consequence of that was for at least one person. “The truth is that I don’t love you.”
“What’s that got to do with us getting married?”
She couldn’t be that jaded, could she?
“You’ve told me several times that you love me. Do you?”
“Yes.”
I didn’t believe her. Josie was one of those people, I had learned, who only loved herself and didn’t know how to care for others, not genuinely. This was why she was unable to listen to what I was saying about not wanting to marry her. In her mind, she wanted to marry me, and that was that.
“I don’t love you,” I said flatly.
Before she could respond, the server returned with our food.
Josie barely touched her meal, and I felt tremendously guilty for letting my mouth run off. I should’ve been careful with her, been kinder.
“Your father isn’t going to let you back out.” Her eyes were blazing with anger.
“Like I said, my father isn’t the one getting married.”
“Does he even know what you’re saying to me right now? He finds out, and he’s going to….”
“To what, Josie?” This was why it was hard to be compassionate when it came to my soon-to-be former fiancée. She went from sad to snake in seconds. “I’m not financially dependent on him—though the Vanderbilt wealth is on me.”
She looked surprised, and I knew why. Not many knew, or rather, my father had made sure that it wasn’t common knowledge, that I managed the Vanderbilt estate and trust. I was the reason that our family was doing so well financially.
“You’re going to destroy the Vanderbilt name,” she shot back.
“Not when I’m making as much money as I am.” I decided to enjoy my meal because one thing was clear: Josie didn’t warrant my sympathy or compassion. She was actually threatening me to continue this engagement.
“After all that I’ve done, you’re going to just end us?” There were tears in her voice, but for once, I wasn’t sure if they were genuine or if she was putting them on; she was capable of doing so.
“Come on, Josie, what have you done?” I asked, exasperated.
“So, if I’d had the baby, you’d marry me?”
It was like talking to a wall, I thought. “No, Josie, then we’d co-parent, but we wouldn't?—”
“Like I’d let you come near my child after you break our engagement.”
I sighed. “Josie, there is no child.” And I’m so fucking glad because you, as a mother, would ruin any kid.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this. I mean…did something happen in California?”
“What do you think would happen?” I challenged.
Her eyes went from sad to horrified to malicious. “Oh my God! This is about Pearl, isn’t it?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I demanded, now nearly entirely out of patience. “This is about us. About the fact that I don’t think I’m the man you need, and you’re not the kind of woman I want. We can’t give each other the lives we want.”
“That’s bullshit,” she snapped, her voice rising enough to earn a few curious glances from nearby tables.
“Keep your voice down,” I muttered.
She leaned in closer, her eyes blazing. “You’re scared. That’s all this is. You’re scared of settling down. But I love you, Rhett. I’ve loved you since the day we met. And I know you love me, too.”
I didn’t say anything because we were going in circles. There was no point. I would talk to her parents—I’d have to—and mine, and close this down.
Her voice trembled with desperation. “Please, Rhett. Don’t do this. Don’t throw away everything we’ve built. We’re good together. We’re perfect for each other.”
This woman was remarkably clueless, but I wasn’t any better. I had actually thought I could marry her, build a life with her, and have children with her, which would’ve been the ultimate travesty.
“I’m sorry. I wish I could feel the way you do, but I don’t. You should marry someone who loves you as much as you love them, Josie.”
Tears welled in her eyes, and she blinked them back furiously, refusing to let them fall. “I can’t believe you’re doing this at a restaurant, of all places.”
“For Christ’s sake, Josie, you insisted we come here.”
“I didn’t know you were going to do this.”
I sighed. There was no point repeating that I wanted to have a private conversation. I had told her, but she’d….
“We can fix this,” she pleaded.
I wanted to tell her that there was nothing to fix. That was the problem. This wasn’t a fight or a misunderstanding. It was a truth I’d been running from for months, and now that I’d finally spoken it, I couldn’t take it back. Hell, I didn’t want to.
“I’m sorry,” I said again. “But I can’t do this.”
“We’ll see,” she threw back at me, and pierced a butter-less scallop and chewed on it.