Chapter 3
“ Y ou’re talking to me?”
Once again, Griffin had stalked the lobby, waiting for Meredith. Lucas was right. He’d lost his mojo. He was pathetic.
“That depends on what you consider talking.” She gave him a sidelong glance as she stood by the registration desk, waiting to talk to Darcy, who was again on the phone. “If you need something, Raymond is at the Concierge desk. He knows everything about everything.”
“Does he know your work schedule? ”
She turned toward him now. “Excuse me?”
“Are you working tomorrow…tonight? Today even?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
He glanced down at her clothes. Unlike yesterday when she’d worn a dress and heels, Meredith had chosen a pair of jeans and a nice T-shirt that she tucked into her waist. She had flat sandals on her feet. He didn’t have to say anything. Her expression said it all.
“I’m only here for a few hours this morning. Why does it matter what my schedule is?”
“Humor me.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because I have plans.”
Her mouth dropped open, and it occurred to him how his words sounded.
“Good for you.”
“With you.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes. I intend to spend as much time as possible with you, Meredith. ”
She shook her head in disbelief. “Why?”
“Because we have unfinished business. You know it’s true. And I’m your one guest.”
“Excuse me?”
“Darcy told me there was only one guest staying here attending the class reunion, and your boss wants me to be taken care of. I think that’s how she said it. Some annotation in the computer or something? So, are you free today? If you tell me, you’ll save me the trouble of walking across the lobby to visit Raymond, who I believe isn’t at his desk because of some crisis one of the staff is having regarding a guest not getting his food delivery service, even though it’s not from the hotel. I heard them both complaining as they walked away. If you tell me what your schedule is for the next few days, it’ll save me having to wait for him to come back only to then come back and ask you because I have a feeling he’d send me to you anyway.”
“Griffin, stop. ”
“Come on. Humor me.”
“Are you asking me on a date?”
“I am. To the karaoke mixer tomorrow night.”
She sputtered. “You call that a date?”
“Give me a break. You love karaoke.” At her reaction, he added, “You don’t wanna go and see a bunch of us make fools of ourselves by singing old ’80s music no one listens to anymore?”
She lifted a finger. “The hell they don’t. The ’80s are still my jam. Always were. Always will be.”
“I remember,” he laughed.
“There you go, making fun again and sweet-talking me using ’80s music as a bribe.”
“Does that mean you’ll go? It’ll be a good time. As spectators, anyway. Since I moved up the ranks, I don’t get to let my hair down very much anymore.”
“What hair?”
“It’s not like high school. But it’s longer than the standard military buzz cut. I actually miss the long hair. ”
“You’re too…”
“Old?”
Meredith shrugged, moving a few steps aside when someone approached the desk to check out. “I didn’t say that.”
He nodded. “But you were going to. You know, I can do math. You hit the big ‘five oh’ recently, too.”
“Sticks and stones. Besides, that’s yesterday’s news. Fifty is the new thirty-five.”
“Is that right?” He reached up and scratched what little hair he had and watched her try her best to stifle a laugh. She still did that little shift of the jaw to keep herself from showing she thought what he said was funny.
There was a time when he could make her laugh. He missed that laugh. He hadn’t thought much about it. His intention was to talk with her, hash things out, and keep his promise. But now, his mission was to get Meredith to laugh. A lot.
“With such a busy schedule, I would have assumed you gave up your singing days years ago.”
“Why would you think that?”
Shrugging, she said, “You’re a Colonel. That’s serious business.”
“It is. But I’m not a stick in the mud. I still do the occasional concert in the shower. Sean West isn’t the only musical talent in our class. Come on. It will be fun. You used to be quite the singer in high school.”
She sputtered. “In the choir? I think that hardly qualifies me to sing karaoke in a public place where everyone has a smartphone to record my humiliation.”
“No one is qualified for karaoke. That’s the point. We all stink at it. But it’s fun.”
If anyone else were asking, Griffin knew Meredith would have actually looked forward to it. She would have jumped at the chance. But he was asking. What did she say to him last night? They had too much history. And not enough of what should have happened in between their history and today. His mission had changed. And he never failed.
Meredith pulled her sunglasses down to the bump in her nose and took in the vehicle in front of her. Griffin gave her a goofy smile that reminded her of when he was twenty years old, the last time she’d seen him drive an open Jeep.
“This is a bad idea,” she said. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into spending the day together.”
His expression faltered only slightly. “What do you mean?”
“Remember the last time we drove in an open SUV? It was a death trap.”
“You’re talking about my first car?”
“Is that what you are calling it? It was a death trap. As I recall, you and Tyler Conner put together a bunch of parts from different cars you got for next to nothing from a junkyard to make…something street-worthy.”
He chuckled. “It was just enough to make it legal. I loved that car. I wish I still had it.”
“I don’t even know what kind of car that was.”
“A little bit of everything, really. But hey, this is a brand-new Jeep.”
She cocked her head to one side. “The wheels fell off.”
“Only one. We fixed it. Did you hear me? This is practically a brand-new vehicle. I think it has seven thousand miles on it. Practically a baby.”
“I heard you. It has no doors.”
“Live on the edge. It’ll be fun.”
She cocked her head to one side. “Where are we going with this?”
“The beach,” they both said. She knew.
Then he added, “Maybe a ride up to Jacksonville if you’re up for it.”
“Jacksonville, huh?”
He came around the front of the Jeep and stopped at the passenger without a door. “This one is pretty, huh?”
She couldn’t disagree. It was definitely cool. “Red. I like the color. At least the wheels won’t fall off this one.”
She climbed in and settled in the smooth leather seats as her head swam with doubt.
“You aren’t trying to recreate old memories, are you?”
“You wound me,” he said, climbing into the driver’s seat.
“Impossible.”
“I’ve been in the trainwreck before.”
“I’m a trainwreck?”
“You made me a trainwreck. There is a difference, and I only recently realized this.”
“Wow. And that’s all on me, huh? I’m not the one who decided to reenlist months before our wedding.”
“Well…point taken. I may have been a little impulsive.”
“It doesn’t take much if memory serves.”
“It does. I may have taken for granted you’d be okay with my decision.”
“That’s for sure. ”
“In my defense, you’ve always knocked me off my feet with a single look. If I’d been able to see your face instead of waiting weeks for a letter, I would have known better.”
She smiled instinctively at the compliment. She still had an effect on him. Why she should care, she didn’t know. But after a few seconds, it didn’t feel good.
“How does my knocking you off your feet have anything to do with this?”
“It doesn’t. It was my mistake. I’m sorry.”
“Well, it’s water under the bridge now. We can’t change the decisions we made back then.”
“Maybe not. But I am sorry I took you for granted if that means anything. The more time I spend here, the more I realize things would have been different for us if I hadn’t.”
“We said we weren’t going to talk about us.”
He glanced at her quickly as he drove. His hand was resting on the wheel and his shoulders were eased back into the seat as if he hadn’t a care in the world. She remembered him like this. There were so many memories of them like this. Why had she let him talk her into spending the day together? They’d agreed that they wouldn’t talk about their breakup. They would just fill in the pieces of their lives that they missed. But it was becoming apparent that doing so was impossible.
She was quiet for a moment and then needed to know. “You really think we would have had a shot at staying together if you had told me?”
He gazed at her with more maturity but with the same intensity of the young man he’d been when they’d fallen in love. “I do. Don’t you?”
Damn . As he took the turn that would bring them along the coastal road, Meredith turned memories and letters around in her mind. They were words. Old and tired now. They’d lived a lifetime without each other, yet this was so familiar. It was as if yesterday was thirty years ago, and Griffin was on leave. They were riding to the coast and talking about their wedding plans.
And the simple words Griffin said, “I do” made her question every decision and every moment of her life since.
It had taken Meredith years to move on from Griffin Cole. It was the very reason she’d asked, no begged, Edward to approve her vacation time so she could avoid feeling all these emotions she knew would come rushing back and want her to crawl into a hole and hide. Griffin hadn’t stepped foot in Crystal Cove in years, making it easier for her to pretend she was over him and what had happened between them. Now, he was sitting tall in his seat, looking as gorgeous as he was in his youth and making her heart race with just a single look.
Damn, why had she agreed?
He just walked into her life again as if he’d never left. Except it wasn’t the same. He didn’t love her like he had. He wouldn’t reach across the seat and touch her in his playful way as he did when they were together. He wasn’t going to pull her into his arms and make love to her either.
She knew it would be difficult. She knew there were skeletons that needed to come out, and they terrified her. But Meredith hadn’t expected to still be in love with him. Or that he could still stop her heart from beating with a single smile.
And he could. He did. And she was toast.
The familiar ache in her heart grew. No one wanted regrets, and she had so many. She wasn’t going to survive Griffin Cole again. And there was no way to stop her fall. Not now. A small part of her wanted to just go with it and give herself one last time to be with Griffin and know that passion and excitement before he returned to his base. She could do that, couldn’t she?
“I don’t have a cat,” she finally said.
He glanced at her; his eyebrows furrowed. “Um, neither do I.”
“You probably have a dog. ”
“Did. Buster. He died about a year ago.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. Why are we talking about cats and dogs?”
She shifted uncomfortably in the bucket seat and felt the pothole they’d just run over more intensely than she probably should.
“I live alone. But I don’t want you to think I’m a cat lady who goes to work and then has a million cats she lives with.”
His smile was slow. “A million would be bad. One or two isn’t a crisis.”
“No. But people always assume that if you’re an unmarried woman in your fifties living alone, you must have half a dozen cats because you’re lonely. I’m not lonely. My life is full. I do things.”
“Things are good.”
“Yes. I have friends. I travel. I’m not a cat lady.”
“Okay, you’re not a cat lady. Just for the record, I wouldn’t mind if you had a cat. I kinda like them. ”
“Yeah? Since when?”
“I know people with cats.”
“Women?”
He chuckled, and she hated him for it. “Some.”
She rubbed a spot on her chest that was hidden by her shirt, then stared at him for a moment as they drove. “This is a stupid conversation, isn’t it?”
“You started it.”
“I know.”
Years. She was feeling them all now. There were so many things about being with Griffin that transported her back to the time when she wouldn’t leave the house without making sure she had her pastel crop top and acid-washed jeans on. Griffin loved them. Or so he said. He would watch her walk ahead of him. She’d turn around and see the grin on his face, and she knew what he was thinking about. Yesterday wasn’t so distant. Not in her mind, anyway. It felt as close as the distance between the seats of the Jeep right now. She could touch them as easily as she could reach out and touch Griffin if she tried.
It was the time between that felt otherworldly to her. There was so much of it. She wasn’t wearing her pastel crop top or her acid-wash jeans. She wore dressier jeans to work because her comfortable go-to jeans, which she liked to wear on beach walks, were threadbare in places and not fit for the office. Her behind wasn’t what it once was, but she didn’t look so bad for a woman of fifty-one.
“You have a tattoo,” he finally said, cutting into his thoughts. “What is it?”
“How do you know that?”
“When you were walking on the path with all those tablecloths in your arms, they pulled at your shirt, and I saw just a hint of one on your chest. I couldn’t see what it was.”
She drew in a deep breath. It was too soon. They weren’t there yet. They’d gone from talking about death-trap vehicles to cats. “It’s private.”
To her relief, he let it go .
“How about you?”
“What about me?” Playing ignorant wasn’t exactly her thing. She’d learned to be direct in a world with so many false messages. It was a good trait for her job. But it surprised Meredith that she’d resorted to old ways with Griffin.
“We have a long drive ahead of us. Jacksonville is at least two hours from Crystal Cove.”
She glanced at the road ahead and then back at Griffin. “Jacksonville? Are you taking me to Dames Point Park?”
“Do you mind?” he asked. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”
“No, it’s fine. You didn’t want to do any of the events with the class?”
He shook his head. “I’m not much of a golfer unless I have to play with other military officers. The dolphin cruise was a hard pass. I don’t want to be stuck on a boat unless it’s mine.”
“And you can make a quick getaway?”
He chuckled. “Right. And I don’t drink tea. ”
“Tea?”
“There is a tea get-together.”
“Oh. Yeah, you don’t seem the tea type. Karaoke is more your speed.”
“Exactly. Have you ever been?”
“To karaoke? Of course.”
“Dames Point Park. The memorial.”
“No. I just…no.”
He looked out at the road ahead for a moment and then sighed. “The memorial for classmates who have passed isn’t until tomorrow. I’m not sure I’ll go. Maybe I’ll go. It’s always sad to learn someone from childhood has passed.”
“I know.”
“Have you been to Dames Point Park?”
“No. I haven’t since I’ve returned to the East Coast. The El Faro went down while I was still in Ohio.”
She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and watched the scenery momentarily, taking in the beauty of the coastal road. “Marie…she was your friend, really. She was always nice to me, but we weren’t close. I guess I felt like I was intruding. I di dn’t realize you’d heard about what happened.”
“Why wouldn’t I? I may not have been back to Crystal Cove in years, but word travels far. She was a sailor. She loved the sea. She was…”
“Your best friend.”
He shook his head and looked at her. The intensity of his expression hit her square in the chest. “You were my best friend. She knew that.”
She didn’t know why, but Griffin’s admission suddenly meant the world to her, even after all these years.
“But Marie was special,” she said.
“She was a dear friend. We had known each other since kindergarten. We were close. She understood me.”
“The way I didn’t.”
He shook his head. “We were a lot alike. Our passions. She worked doing what she loved. The sea, the open air, being on a ship out in the ocean—that was her passion. The few letters I got from her over the years let me know she was happy doing what she did. Do you mind going with me?”
“Why would I?”
“You won’t be…”
“Jealous?” Meredith chuckled. Suddenly overcome with emotion, she turned away and felt the wind from the ride whip her hair around her face. “No. I’m not the same young girl who got up in arms about every turn of your head. At least, I’d like to think so. Besides, what would be the point of being jealous now?”
“Thank you.”
The calm that crossed his expression as he drove was real. Meredith couldn’t think of a time when she’d ever felt closer to Griffin.