Chapter 16 #2
He put out his hand, cupping her cheek. “You are remarkable,” he repeated, and so earnestly tears prickled at her eyes.
He was gazing at her, and Hetty knew he saw her, all of her.
He knew she was impatient, and sometimes clumsy and a little spoilt, but he saw the good in her too.
Gideon knew her, as no one but Cilly and Hart and grandmama knew her, and perhaps even better than they did.
He saw into her heart and knew what she wanted.
As if to prove it, he leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers.
Hetty sighed, reaching for him, sliding her hands around his neck as she lay down on the blanket, taking him with her.
For a while he braced himself on his arms, kissing her tenderly, carefully, and then he moved closer. One hand slid down to cup her breast and Hetty gasped against his mouth.
He lifted his head, his gaze soft as he stared down at her. “All right?”
Hetty nodded, knowing she needed only say the word, and he’d stop.
It was implicit in his gaze, in the concern she heard in his voice.
But she didn’t want him to stop, and so he squeezed gently and rubbed his thumb in slow circles over the taut little nub he discovered beneath the fabric of her gown.
“Oh,” she sighed, for want of words. For what words could describe the indescribable: the pleasure of being here with him, with this man who was everything she had ever wanted, though she’d never known what that was until this moment.
He kissed her like there was nothing else in the world but this kiss, this moment, and the moment slid from one blissful caress into another, and another.
Hetty was lost, drifting in the pleasure of his touch, in the sensations his clever hands wrought from her flesh as he explored the contours of her body.
Gideon murmured soft words of delight as he discovered her, praising her at every turn, making her feel as if she were the centre of his world, his heart.
She sighed as he slowly tugged at her skirts, exposing her legs. She needed no exclamations of approval as she saw the admiration in his eyes, the way they darkened as he dragged the fine muslin higher, illustrating everything he felt.
His palm slid up over her ankle, the back of her calf, and then glided up her inner thigh. Hetty’s breath caught, and he turned, staring down at her. “So beautiful,” he murmured. “I want you so much.”
Hetty gazed back at him, at his handsome face, desire and uncertainty warring.
But is that enough?
The voice of reason, unwelcome as it was, pierced the haze of lust and pleasure, making its presence felt.
“Gideon,” she whispered, not wanting to stop, to let him believe she did not want this as much as he did, but some sense of self-preservation kicked in despite the desire thrumming through her veins.
“Mmmm,” he murmured, nuzzling her neck as his palm moved higher.
“Gideon?” There was an edge to his name now as she fought for what to say, uncertain of what words were right.
He raised his head, his gaze just as hazy and full of need as her own must be, but as their eyes met, the haze cleared and he froze.
“Bloody hell. Damn me. Damn me, damn me, damn me,” he cursed, moving away from her and running a hand through his short hair.
“No, don’t,” she cried, trying to pull him back, for she had not wanted him to stop, only…
only to reassure her of his intentions. For he’d not mentioned words like commitment or marriage, and whilst she believed him to be honourable to her bones, she was not averse to a little certainty.
She might be reckless, but she was not stupid.
“I didn’t mean for you to stop,” she said regretfully.
He sent her a baleful look. “Well, you should. I apologise, Hetty. I did not come today hoping to… to debauch you on the beach of all places. Good God, what a bounder you must think me.”
“I think nothing of the sort. It’s only… I don’t know…” she began awkwardly, tugging at her skirts as her exposed ankles suddenly made her feel rather fast and uncertain of herself.
He turned then, the self-disgust in his expression replaced by one of shock. “Hetty,” he said, shifting to his knees and reaching for her hand. “I’m not…I would not…My intentions are honourable,” he said somewhat stiffly.
The unhappy knot of misgiving that had twisted in her belly just moments ago unravelled at his words, and Hetty smiled at him. “That’s it, Gideon. I just needed to hear those words, it’s not that I doubted you precisely, but we’ve never spoken of it, never…”
“Because I’m an idiot,” he said, shaking his head. “I suppose I thought my feelings were so blatantly obvious you couldn’t possibly be in any doubt. But we must speak of it, of the future, if there is to be one for us.”
Hetty nodded.
“Your father will never agree to it,” he told her bluntly.
She smiled at that. “I know that better than you, I promise. I am of age, though. He cannot stop me, but… but he could withhold my dowry.”
His expression darkened at the mention of her money, as she’d suspected it would. Suddenly he was stiff, his body thrumming with tension, but not the pleasant kind they’d experienced moments earlier.