Kate #2
My teeth locate a small snag in the skin on my bottom lip, and home in on it to keep from saying anything that might get me kicked out. For a moment, the pain of torn skin quiets the pain in my head.
Austin presumably asks some questions that I don’t hear past the harsh thump of my heartbeat in my eardrums. Denny’s hand falls away from my shoulder. And I spend an indeterminate amount of time watching my husband lie motionless in a hospital bed.
Every muscle in my body aches with the urge to reach for him, to crawl under the blankets next to him, position his arm around me, and pretend. Make believe we’re okay.
The last of the conversation leaves with the doctor. And though time hasn’t moved nor mattered since we got here, as far as I’m concerned, Austin must be paying attention. He’s the first to gently clap his hands together and speak.
“It’s getting late. We should eat…get some hotel rooms for the night.” He shuffles on his feet, his back brushing against the tiled wall like a bear scratching on a tree. “Get some fresh air.”
“You two go ahead,” I say without taking my eyes off Jackson.
Denny says, “Kate—”
“I’m not leaving here. I’m not leaving him.”
“It’ll be a while before they wake him up.” Austin’s boot scrapes against the floor. “Probably a couple days. You need food and rest.”
I ignore him, instead focusing my attention on straightening Jackson’s blanket. If I walk away, it might be for the last time. I need to be here touching him, talking to him, confirming the steady beat of his heart on one of the many monitors he’s hooked up to.
“We’ll come back first thing in the morning,” Denny adds.
“Great. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” I shoot both of them a placating smile.
“You can’t stay here….” Austin’s attempt at arguing is half-assed, at best.
“If this was Cecily,” I narrow my eyes at Austin, before redirecting to Denny, “or Blair, would either of you leave? No. Didn’t think so. I can’t leave him here alone. I…”
I swallow down the sob bargaining its way up from my chest.
Austin nods, a rare touch of softness in his eyes. “Okay.”
I maintain eye contact with him while I finish with the scratchy, thin blankets. “If something happened, and I wasn’t here, I’d never forgive myself. I can’t go. I don’t care if I need to sleep right here in this awful chair for weeks on end.”
“All right. Then I guess we’re staying here.” Austin plants his palms against the wall, then propels himself toward the door. “In that case, I’m going to see if I can steal another chair.”
“You guys don’t have to,” I say.
He shakes his head. “But we will…just in case.”
I settle in for the long haul, scooching my chair right up against the bed rail so I can comfortably rest my hand on Jackson’s arm and prop my feet up next to his. It’s the closest I can get to climbing in with him. I’ll take it.
“You’ve always been a bed hog.” I wiggle my socked feet on top of the bed, letting them collide gently with his through the blankets.
Denny chuckles. “Mom used to make us share a bed when we were out of town for rodeos, and I’d always wake up right on the edge with no blankets while this guy was spread-eagle.”
“So nothing’s changed, then.” I smile over at Jackson’s peacefully sleeping expression. “When I…well, I’m sure it won’t surprise you to know I used to sneak into his room.”
Denny smirks. “Naughty.”
“Oh, shut up. When I used to sneak into his room, he still only had a double bed. And I told him I wouldn’t stay at the ranch and officially be his girlfriend unless we bought a king-size mattress. I got no sleep in that double with him.”
“Oh, I know, Kate. The walls were thin.”
“That goes both ways, Denny.”
As if we weren’t all sharing the upstairs bedrooms of the main house back when I first showed up at the ranch. There’s no privacy in a house that was built over a hundred years ago. Thank God they had enough sense to build the primary bedroom far away from the children’s rooms.
“Touché.” He shoots finger guns in my direction. “Now look at us all grown up with kids.”
“Shit, that reminds me—I should call the kids before it gets too late. This is the first time I’ve been away from Rhett overnight.”
I fumble my phone out of my pocket and wince when I realize it’s somehow already past eight o’clock. I don’t know how so much time managed to slip away when I’ve been painfully aware of every passing minute all day.
“I’m gonna go out in the hall and order us some food. We’re in the city, which means I can download one of those food apps and order anything.” Denny stands up with a groan and pats his stomach. “You craving something specific?”
The last thing I care about is eating. Pretty sure any food would instantly come back up, given how unsettled my stomach has been all day. At this point I’m not sure whether it’s morning sickness or anxiety.
So I wave him off, tapping Beryl’s name, and holding the ringing phone to my ear. My nails lightly scratch Jackson’s forearm, connecting freckles and twirling through thin hair, as I wait for Beryl to answer.
“Hi, honey. How’s it going?” In the background, there’s a familiar squeak of the front door opening then closing. She’s likely stepping outside to get out of earshot of the kids.
“It’s…” My gaze meanders over the man next to me. “It’s going. We’re in the ICU and he’s in an induced coma, but we’ll be okay.”
“Oh, Kate. I can’t even imagine how scared you must be right now.”
“I’m trying really hard to be hopeful,” I say quietly, knowing Jackson’s current state means he probably doesn’t hear me, but scared to admit out loud that I’m terrified. Terrified he won’t live through the night, or he won’t wake up from this coma, or he’ll never be the man I know and love again.
“I’m hoping with you. And if it feels too hard, I’ll hope for you.”
“Thank you…How are the kids?”
“Odessa’s worried, but we baked sugar cookies this afternoon and that seemed to help. And Rhett was fine without you. He’s sleeping on the couch tonight, I guess, since he’s too big for me to carry up the stairs.”
“That boy can’t make it through a single TV show without passing out.” A smile quickly erupts, then fizzles away. “I always make Jackson carry him to bed….”
“He’ll be back home and carrying that boy off to bed in no time. And in the meantime, I think tomorrow night we’ll set up a bed on the living room floor and have a slumber party.”
“They’re going to love that idea.” I yawn loudly—suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion from the weight of the day, the darkness of the ICU room, and the comfort of knowing my kids are okay with Beryl. “Is Odessa still awake? I wanted to check in on her before bed.”
“Oh, of course.” The front door squeals open and clangs shut. “She and I were just having some tea.”
After a few moments of rustling and Beryl’s muffled voice as she talks to Odessa, a smaller voice picks up the phone.
“You making Gran’s life hell?”
I can hear her smirk through the phone. “Always.”
“Don’t be too rough on her, okay? No bringing feral animals into the house.”
“What about the barn cats? Sprinkles and Tiny and Gregory are my babies.”
“They’re barn cats. The fact that they’re meant to stay in the barn is in the name.
” I exhale long and hard through my nostrils.
“Please don’t cause too much trouble, okay?
I’ll be here with Daddy for a while, and I need you to behave.
Help with your brother, clean up after yourself, and don’t give Gran too much trouble. ”
“Is Daddy okay?” Her question makes my mouth feel as if it’s filled with sand.
“He’s…yeah. He’s okay.” I give it a little oomph for believability. “He’ll be all better in no time.”
“Can I talk to him? I want to ask when we can go to a horse sale.”
I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth. Not like this—over the phone and when I have more questions than answers myself.
My heart bashes my sternum, and despite how tightly closed my eyes are, a rogue tear sneaks out and I hurriedly wipe it away.
“He’s sleeping right now…but earlier I told him you wouldn’t forget about the horse this easily. It’s going to be a while before he can take you, Dess. I promise we’ll get you the horse, though, okay?”
She’s quiet for a moment. Then after a small sigh, she mumbles, “Okay. I wanted one now so I could ride it for the rest of spring break.”
“I know you did…. For now, though, you can keep riding Daddy’s horse like you have been.”
“Fine-uh.” She groans, and it echoes. Probably off the walls of the mug she’s drinking her bedtime tea out of.
Sleepy tea is another tradition Jackson and I started on nights we couldn’t sleep while his mom was sick. Everything is a tradition he and I started. He’s the primary reason for all the good I have. My entire life begins and ends with Jackson Wells.
“Get some sleep. I love you and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
She mumbles something of a half-hearted agreement and hangs up before passing the phone back to Beryl.
Jackson’s cheek is warm and rough against my lips when I give him a goodnight kiss.
I linger for a moment, breathing against him and trying my best to inhale his scent around the smell of dried blood and sterile hospital products.
When I catch the smallest whiff, I breathe deeper than I have all day, capturing him in my heart, lungs, and soul.
“Remember that night a few weeks after your mom had died, and I was supposed to move back home the next day?” My lips brush across the shell of his ear as I speak in a hushed tone, hoping against hope that this is the one thing his battered brain picks up on.
“I stood in your doorway that night, both heartbroken and madly in love with you. And I told you that you needed to ask me to stay. If you didn’t ask, I’d walk away…
. But you did. You asked. You saved us. So now I’m asking you—no, I’m begging. Don’t leave me. Please stay.”