Kate #2
My teeth dig into the knuckles of my index finger, and I curl my other arm protectively across my stomach, watching as my husband white-knuckles the ventilator tube. His eyes are wild and frightened in a way I’ve never seen.
Once he’s calmly talked Jackson down, Aaron turns to me with a gritted-teeth smile. “Very normal. Nobody likes to wake up and feel a tube going down their throat.”
On his third bout of panic, it takes all four men in the room to hold him down and pry his fingers from their locked grip around a probe inserted into his skull.
I pride myself on being a strong, badass ranch wife—I’ve pulled calves during tricky births, helped deal with the aftermath of a wolf pack attacking our herd, and slaughtered chickens to feed our family.
But seeing him grab hold of that catheter inserted directly into the fluid around his brain has my stomach churning, and I have to shut my eyes, leaning back in my chair with calculated breaths until the moment’s over.
“Son, you need to calm down.” Bennett’s voice is no-nonsense and strict, yet carries no weight. His hands shake as he presses his son’s forearm to the mattress.
“Okay…Jackson, my man. We’re gonna have to strap you down for the time being, all right?
” Aaron tosses his head back with a long exhale, fighting to catch his breath, then gives me a sympathetic look.
“Just until he’s not quite so confused. One of us is going to pull a muscle trying to fight this guy. ”
“My money’s on Austin.” Denny hooks a thumb in his brother’s direction with a shit-eating grin.
“My money’s on me,” Aaron says through a laugh.
“What are we placing bets on?” Dr. Perron’s voice trickles in from the doorway. Her eyes dart from the tight hold Austin has on Jackson’s left arm to the display on the intracranial pressure monitor.
“Betting which one of us gets hurt keeping him from hurting himself.”
“Oh, my money’s on you, too, Aaron.” She places a dainty hand on top of Jackson’s, and though his eyes have once again fallen shut, she speaks directly to him with a soothing lilt in her voice.
“Good news, Jackson. We’re going to get this pesky tube out of your throat soon, and I think you’ll be a lot more comfortable. ”
The straps that pull taut around his wrists and ankles bring my mind reeling back to the morning in the barn, sobbing inconsolably and watching through a thick film of tears as they loaded him up and carried him away.
My throat burns, bile rising with every slam of my heart bruising my rib cage.
And Denny must notice how uncomfortable I am, because he catches my eye and nods his head toward the open doorway. “Come on, Kate. Let’s go grab some dinner and let them do their jobs here.”
In four days, I’ve only left long enough to go to the bathroom. But if I stay here, I might pass out, so I reluctantly rise from my chair and give Jackson’s thigh a loving pat before heading into the hallway.
Golden dusk light falls across the hallway in slants, streaming in through slatted window blinds, and it takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust. Unsurprisingly, I’m still entirely lost in this hospital, but thankfully the guys have spent a lot of time wandering the hallways, and I follow behind them to the elevators.
I thought I’d be an anxious mess the moment I let Jackson out of my sight, but to my surprise, I feel more at ease than I have since the accident. My breathing comes evenly. My shoulders relax. Turns out, my family was right; I needed a break from that room.
“He’s finally awake,” Austin says aloud and to no one in particular.
Denny leans against the back wall of the elevator with a relieved sigh. “Awake and still strong enough he could kick your ass.”
Bennett gives his head a shake, pinching the bridge of his nose but saying nothing.
I raise an eyebrow at the youngest brother. “You basically had your entire body on his legs and were struggling to hold him down. I think he could kick your ass just as easily.”
Denny shrugs. “Maybe he gained superhuman strength after the accident.”
“Rhett would love to hear that,” I rasp.
When we’re finally stepping into the fluorescent-lit cafeteria, my stomach rumbles with hunger.
The boys have forced me to eat, but between the stress of everything and a constant niggle of nausea, I couldn’t fathom more than a few bites.
But now, I feel okay. My morning sickness has been entirely nonexistent today.
And Jackson’s awake-ish. When we go back upstairs he’ll be free of the breathing apparatus strapped to his face and hopefully able to talk to us.
Excitement buzzes between us as we eat, and there’s genuine laughter, playful banter, and optimistic chatter about how soon he might be able to come home. Surely the facts that he’s awake, breathing on his own, and fighting off four grown men at once have to be good signs.
And when we walk back into his room a couple hours later, he already looks so much more like himself, thick facial hair aside. I like it though, and when I sit back down in my usual spot right beside him, I say as much, despite the fact that he appears to be asleep.
Aaron must’ve seen or heard us enter the ICU wing, because he strides into the room seconds after us.
“Good news—he’s feeling a lot better without the tube in place.
His throat’s definitely sore, but he’s swallowing and speaking okay.
Still some confusion, which is normal and typically doesn’t last more than a few days… so, uh, don’t be alarmed by that.”
“So he’s talking?” Hope swells inside me.
Aaron drums his fingertips on the back of Denny’s chair. “He’s talking. I wouldn’t expect him to chat your ear off right away—”
Denny snorts a quiet laugh. “He wouldn’t chat your ear off before he got kicked.”
“A man of few words,” I add.
“In that case, it sounds like he’s on track to be back to his usual self soon. The kind of recovery we love to see around here.”
Jackson’s eyelashes move across the delicate, freckled skin above his cheekbones, and when his eyes open, he’s finally looking right at me.
My skin tingles in anticipation, and there’s a new lightness in my chest.
“Hey,” I whisper, blindly feeling for his hand.
I’ve spent so much time talking to him despite his unresponsive state, and I had planned on giving him a speech better than my last-minute wedding vows once he finally looked at me.
But I’m rendered speechless by his searching gaze, so I interlace our fingers on top of his bed and lose myself in the warmth of his palm on mine.
Bennett shifts his weight from side to side, attempting to get comfortable in the world’s most uncomfortable chair. “Welcome back.”
“About damn time,” Denny playfully scolds. “Have a good nap?”
Jackson closes his eyes with the tiniest rock of his head back and forth, and his chapped lips open with a hoarse, barely audible “No.”
I dip down to kiss his cheek through an inescapable smile and an ineffable weightlessness. I could float away on the high of hearing his voice.
“I’m so glad you’re okay.” I nuzzle into him, dragging my nose and lips back and forth across his coarse beard. Tears well in my eyes. “I was so scared I was going to lose you…and I don’t know what I would’ve done.”
“I…” His swallow is audible, and his voice is gravelly and dry. Similar to when he’s had strep throat in the past.
I straighten back up, smiling gently down at him and squeezing his hand. The memory of his low voice vibrates through my ribs. “Shh. No need to talk if it hurts. I just want you to know I love you so much.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I barely hold myself back from talking his ear off.
Telling him about how scared I was, that Odessa’s going to be begging him for a horse the second he leaves this place, and that I kept our secret about the baby because I knew how important it was to him that we tell everyone together.
There will be time for all of that, now that he’s awake. There will be time for everything.
Aaron gives him a few tiny sips of water from a Styrofoam cup, and Jackson’s exhale has a heavy rasp to it. Eyes flitting from person to person, his mouth tips into the smallest frown. If I hadn’t become an expert at reading subtle cues during my time here, I might’ve missed it.
It must be the confusion Aaron mentioned. I can’t begin to fathom what it’s like—to be in the barn one moment, the scent of hay in your lungs, the world familiar and grounded—and then to open your eyes to the antiseptic stillness of a hospital room.
“We’ve missed you.” I offer him a smile, tender and hopeful.
He doesn’t return it, but I press on. I crave his smile like a salve, something to soothe the raw place inside me that’s been aching since the moment Red ushered me out of the house.
“Odessa’s been calling every day, wanting me to remind you that you owe her a horse. ”
His brows draw together, a crease forming between them.
Okay, he doesn’t remember that they were supposed to buy her a horse.
My tongue flicks over my lips, nervous. “Never mind that. I’m just—” My voice catches on the edge of something sharp. “I’m just so happy you’re okay.”
Jackson’s mouth opens tentatively, and I lean in closer to better hear him over the drone of background hospital noise. He squints at me with dark-rimmed, bloodshot eyes. My smile wavers slightly in the space between his lips parting and the ragged sound of his voice.
“Who…who are you?”