Kate
“Morning, Mama,” Rhett whispers directly into my face, waking me up. His small hands are clammy on my cheeks, and his breath blows across my skin.
Without opening my eyes, I exhale deeply and wrap my arms around his body, pulling him into a hug that makes him groan. “Hey, buddy. I missed you.”
“Missed you. Did Daddy come home with you?”
My lungs deflate. “He needs a bit more time in the hospital first.”
“Is he sick?”
“No, baby. He’s not sick. He just…needs some time to get stronger.”
“Like Spider-Man?”
“Exactly.”
“Wait…” His hands press hard into my cheeks, making my lips pucker. “Does Daddy have superpowers?”
I fight to lift my head enough that my pursed lips make contact with his forehead, and I let out a loud smacking noise. He giggles and releases my grip while shifting so that he’s sitting square on my chest.
“Do you think he has superpowers?” I open my eyes as wide as I can in spite of the burning behind them. I need a cool eye compress stat.
Rhett considers my question for a moment. “Yeah. I bet he does.”
“I think you’re right. We’ll have to ask him when he comes home.” I grip his waist, hauling him off me and sitting up.
My entire body aches from the combination of days on end with little movement and spending last night sharing a twin bed with a preschooler who kicks a lot in his sleep.
I yawn and stretch, listening to Rhett ramble off all the superpower possibilities Jackson might have as he gets dressed for the day.
Wearing Jackson’s shirt and a pair of pajama shorts, I follow my son downstairs and into the kitchen.
I don’t know what time it is, nor do I particularly care, but only a couple ranch hands are still milling about the kitchen.
And when they see me walk in—surely looking scarily similar to a zombie—they each grab a croissant from the island and skedaddle out of the room.
Beryl immediately stops what she’s doing and slings her striped tea towel over her shoulder. “Are you okay, honey? Tea? Coffee? Food?”
“I could use some water.” I plop into my chair at the kitchen table, and it’s not long before both Beryl and Cecily are joining me with earnest, sympathetic looks.
“I’m sure it was nice being back in your own bed last night.” Beryl reaches across the table to gently rub the back of my free hand with her thin, bronzed fingers.
“I slept with Rhett last night,” I murmur into the glass between hearty sips of the cold liquid. “I missed the kids so much. I’m glad they had you guys.”
“They always have us,” Beryl replies. “You all do.”
Cecily runs a hand over her stomach and leans back in her chair. “How are you holding up though? Aus told me about what happened after he woke up. I…God, I’m so sorry, Kate.”
I bite down on the inside of my cheek, still raw from all the anxious grinding I’ve done lately.
“I hate knowing I’m not there…I feel like I should be trying to show him photos and videos, telling him stories, trying to help him remember.
But he completely ignored me the entire time I was in the room yesterday…
so…” I blink rapidly and fan my face with my fingers, willing myself not to cry.
“So being there seemed like it was doing more harm than good. At least here I’m with the kids… and hopefully he comes around soon.”
Heavy footfalls end our conversation, and the three of us turn to look at the doorway as Odessa struts in.
In the midst of everything, I forgot that spring break has officially ended, and she’s back in school.
It seems like only yesterday she was Rhett’s age, and she spent all her time wreaking havoc on any ranch hands working in the barn or causing Beryl and me to trip over her in the kitchen.
Now she’s getting herself ready for school in the morning?
And like me, she’s wearing one of Jackson’s shirts she must’ve taken from his dresser while I was gone. Though Odessa’s always been tall, so is her dad, and his T-shirt is long enough to be a dress on her.
“Mom,” she says in a confused, excited voice, bunching up the hem of the shirt, then letting it go. “Does this mean—”
I interrupt. “Dad isn’t home yet. But yesterday the nurse said his recovery so far has been textbook—perfect. If he keeps going the way he’s going, he’ll be home in no time.”
I don’t know whether that’s true, given the memory issues now. He still has his strength and coordination, and his cognitive functions are at or above where they were expected to be, so that’s promising.
“Oh.” Odessa frowns. “Is he going to be home in time for my birthday?”
In theory, he should be home within the next couple weeks, so long as his recovery continues to go well and he works through the various therapies he needs.
Especially since Blair, who’s a nurse practitioner, can take over his medical care.
In practice, I doubt they’ll send him home with a woman he refuses to believe is his wife.
“That’s not my call to make, but I hope so.”
“Me too. I miss him.”
“I know, Dess. I know.” Half my lip draws up into a wobbly attempt at a smile. “He misses you, too.”
She wraps her arms around my neck and rests her pointy chin on top of my head. “Also…I have things to show him.”
I hug her tight. “Things? Please, that sounds menacing when it comes from you.”
“It’s not. Promise.” I can hear her smirking. It’s definitely menacing. “It’s barn cat related.”
My head tilts and I grip her little wrists to pull them off me so I can look up at her. “Odessa, what did I tell you about the barn—”
Odessa’s quick to pull away. “Oh, shoot. The school bus should be here any minute. Gotta go.”
“Wait.” I beckon her over and grab the hem of her shirt.
With a resolute sigh, her hands meet mine, assuming I’m about to strip the fabric from her body.
As if I’m one to judge her for wearing her dad’s stuff, while I’m sitting here in his dirty laundry.
Not to mention, I steal his jeans on a regular day, because the denim’s soft from years of wear, and men’s clothing actually has enough pocket depth to be useful.
With a twist, the cotton shirt pulls a bit snug around her hips. And once I convince her to give me a hair tie from her wrist, I have the shirt knotted and tucked against her lower back. It’s still comically large on her, but at least it’s no longer hanging around her knees.
“Love you, Dess.”
I grab either side of Odessa’s face and give her a smacking kiss in spite of the disgusted expression on her face. Then she grabs her bagged lunch, and her cowboy boots clunk across the wood planks on her way out the door.
Beryl clasps her hands on top of the table, lowering her voice. “Does he remember them?”
I tug at the collar of my shirt, sullenly shaking my head.
“From what we gathered yesterday, he remembers some of the basics of who he is: his name, his dad, his brothers—though it took some convincing for him to believe Austin and Denny were who they said they were…I think he was imagining them as kids still or something. But he was pretty lethargic, so nobody pressed for much more out of him. I’m going to go back tomorrow. Hopefully by then…”
“I’ll come with you,” Cecily pipes up immediately, cutting off my worried sentence.
“The hospital is hours away, I could never—”
“We’re sisters now. It’s what I’m here for.”
“Honestly…I kind of want to go alone. Put on an audiobook and let the drive clear my head a bit.”
Her blue eyes narrow at me.
“I’m not saying that because I don’t want to be a burden, promise.
I think I need to go see him by myself. Yesterday he all but ignored me, and…
” My tongue skates along the ridges of my bottom teeth.
“If he still doesn’t remember, I don’t want to give him the opportunity to talk to everyone else but me, like he did yesterday.
It sounds bad, but I know my husband, and the only way I’m getting through to him is by cornering him. ”
Beryl snickers. She knows I’m right.
“You can see him by yourself. I’ll just tag along for the road trip.” Cecily stares me down. In the few years since she showed up here, hiding from her abusive ex-husband, she’s come into her own. Found her voice.
I open my mouth, but I don’t have an argument, so I press my lips together and stipple my nails over the glass in front of me.
And I’m saved from any verbal agreement that could be held against me when the front door slams shut, and cowboy boots stride heavily down the hall.
Austin. After so many years, I can tell the boys apart by the sound of their footfalls.
Jackson’s have always been the quietest, taking up less space than his brothers’.
The moment he enters the space, Cecily’s the only thing he sees. Though it surely hasn’t been more than an hour since he last saw her, he goes to her before coffee. Planting a rough kiss on top of her head, then holding a hand to her pregnant stomach as he whispers something in her ear.
Under the table, my hand instinctively cradles my stomach and the baby nobody but me knows about. I could tell people now. The secret doesn’t need to be kept. Not when the man who asked me to keep it a secret has forgotten.
But if I don’t, then it’s almost like none of it is real. I can spare myself imagining what life is going to be like to have a baby with a man who doesn’t remember me.
I part my lips and force them closed, because an emotionally bankrupt part of me wants this to be unreal. I hate myself for it.
Cecily smiles at Austin, then redirects her sunshine-bright grin at me. “I’m going to the hospital with Kate tomorrow.”
“Darlin’, you have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”
Her shoulders fall. “Shit. I forgot about that. Pregnancy brain. Well…” She gives me a stink eye, as if this is somehow my fault. “You got off this time. But next time, I’m coming with you.”
I give her the same weak, fake smile I gave Odessa earlier. “I would love to have you next time.”
“Have you heard anything?” Austin asks me before traipsing across the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee.