Thirty-Two
thirty-two
OVER MY HEAD (CABLE CAR) - THE FRAY
OWEN - JULY 10, 2013
I stare blankly at my phone, the call with Sandra replaying in my mind. My old phone has been found, and all the messages and pictures I thought were lost forever are within reach. At this point, I’m just thankful that I didn’t leave it on top of a boiler where it would have melted and I really would have been screwed.
Relief mingles with dread as I consider what this means for my conversations with Callie. The weight of unspoken words hangs heavy in the air, my chest tightening with the uncertainty of it all. My stomach churns with anxiety and hope, the duality of wanting to reconnect with Callie and fearing what her response might be if I reach out.
If there even is one.
“Hey, Earth to Owen,” Will’s voice snaps me out of my trance. I look up to see him grinning at me, the fluorescent lights of the mechanical room casting a harsh glare on his face. The familiar metallic smell of steam permeates the air, grounding me back to the present. “What’s going on?”
“They found my phone,” I say, my voice still tinged with disbelief. “Someone turned it in at the Verizon kiosk at the mall in Iowa City.”
“No shit?” Will’s eyebrows shoot up. “Only you would leave a cell phone in the fucking ceiling.”
“Maybe if you weren’t a giant with a bum knee, you’d be the one climbing up into the ceiling instead of me,” I retort, shaking my head. The clang of tools and the hum of machinery creates a symphony of background noise.
“Fair point. But you’re still an idiot,” Will laughs, clapping me on the back. His laughter echoes through the room, momentarily lifting the tension. “So, are you going to try reaching out to that Callie girl you were talking to before you lost it?”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t know, man. I haven’t figured that out yet.”
Will’s expression turns serious. “You need to make sure you don’t cross any lines you can’t come back from. Having inappropriate conversations with another woman, especially now that you’re dating Karissa, is still cheating. Even if you’re thinking about breaking up with her, it doesn’t give you a free pass to mess around.”
His words hit me harder than I expect them to. I feel a pang of guilt deep in my chest. “I know, man. I’m not going to, I’m not like that,” I assure him. “It was different when I talked to Callie and Karissa and I weren’t exclusive yet. I just… I hate the idea of hurting anyone. I need to figure out what the hell I’m doing.”
Will nods, his expression softening a bit. “Just be honest with yourself and with them.”
“Thanks, man,” I say, appreciating his straightforwardness. Will has always been no bullshit and I value that in our friendship. “I’ll figure it out.”
We get back to work and after a bit, he asks me if I’ve seen his channel locks. He’s always losing them. I really am surprised that it wasn’t Will that lost his phone somewhere random as fuck. I look around for a moment before I spot his channel locks and laugh.
“Nope, haven’t seen them anywhere, bud. But you can always use the one sitting on top of the cart right behind you,” I say, smiling because they are his channel locks that would have been directly in his line of sight if he had just turned around. He shakes his head, telling me to shut up and get back to work.
After finishing up work around 4 p.m, I grab my stuff and head straight to the parking lot. The drive from Mount Vernon to Iowa City takes about thirty minutes, but it feels like an eternity. My mind races with thoughts about the messages I might find on my old phone. The familiar scenery passes by in a blur as I speed down the highway, my heart pounding with anticipation.
As I pull into the mall parking lot, I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. The walk to the Verizon store feels surreal. I spot a woman behind the counter and her name tag confirms she’s Sandra, exactly who I was hoping to see. She greets me with a warm smile.
“We charged it for you,” she says, handing me the phone. “It should be good to go. Obviously you won’t be able to make calls or texts from it anymore since you got a new device already but you should be able to recover your photos and everything.”
“Thank you so much,” I say, relief washing over me. I hurry out of the store and find a bench in the mall where I can sit and turn on my phone. The moment it powers up, I hold my breath, hoping everything is still there. When the home screen finally appears with my favorite picture of me and Barrett, relief floods through me.
I will never not back up pictures again. There they are. Every single one of them. Thank fucking God.
The phone starts to ping with messages that were sent before it was turned off. There are several from the group chat with the guys, but I don’t pay much attention to those. My eyes are drawn to Callie’s messages. My heart sinks as I read them.
Callie:
Hey, Owen… Haven’t heard from you in a bit. Hope everything’s okay. Miss talking to you. Could really use a friend right now.
Shit… I hope she’s okay.
Callie:
I wish you would at least have the decency to tell me what’s going on. If you’re with Karissa now and can’t talk, I get it. But just say that.
Yikes…
I’m really going to need to think before I send her a text… I’m not sure how this is going to go.
I don’t know if she’s even going to respond.
What if she’s already moved on?
I have, I think to myself.
Fuck.
No, I haven’t. Not really.
I make the drive back home and ponder what I’m going to say to her. The ride back to Mount Vernon feels even longer. The sun is setting, casting a warm orange glow over the fields. I keep rehearsing different messages in my head, none of them feeling right.
By the time I pull into my driveway, the sky is a deep blue, and the first stars are starting to appear. I head into my apartment, kicking off my shoes and dropping my keys on the table again. The familiar scent of home does little to calm my nerves. I sit down at the kitchen table, staring at my phone.
I type out what feels like fifty different messages and delete them all. Finally, I decide to just go for it.
Me:
What’s up, chick?
Fucking brilliant.