Fifty-Eight
fifty-eight
I WANNA BE YOURS - ARCTIC MONKEYS
OWEN - SEPTEMBER 27, 2013
I stand at the end of a tree-lined path just as the sun breaks through the canopy above. There’s an overwhelming sense of peace in the air.
Then I see her.
Callie.
Walking toward me, her steps slow and deliberate. It’s like she’s always known where to find me. Her smile spreads across her face and I swear it lights up the world around us. She’s radiant in white, her dress flowing around her as she smiles and as she gets closer, I can see the familiar amethyst glint in her eyes.
She is stunning. Absolutely stunning.
I feel my breath catch in my throat from the weight of the moment. I’m not nervous, not anymore. Callie is the direction that I’ve been looking for, my true north.
We don’t speak. We don’t need to. Everything we’ve been through, every risk we took to be together, every laugh, every tear, every moment of doubt–it all led us here. The clearing feels like it stretches on forever, endless and open, but I don’t feel lost. I feel found.
The light filtering through the window is soft as I slowly stir awake. Callie’s steady breath is the first thing I notice, her back nestled against my chest, the curve of her body fitting perfectly with mine. I take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her coconut shampoo.
I’m not ready to move yet. I want to just lay here with her in this moment–the easy silence between us feels more like home than any place I’ve ever known. My arm instinctively tightens around her waist, pulling her closer to me. She stirs slightly, her hand covering mine.
I blink the sleep from my eyes, and for a second, I let my gaze trace the soft lines of her shoulders, the mess of her dark hair spread across the pillow. There’s no doubt in my mind when it comes to my love for this woman. I’m so glad I finally took a chance on her. On us.
As I lie there, my thoughts drift back to the dream I had of Callie in a white dress. I know we’ve only been together for a short time–only even known each other a few months, but something deep in my soul tells me that she’s my forever. The girl of my dreams. Everything I’ve ever been looking for.
She stirs again, a small sigh escaping her perfect pink lips as she shifts in my arms, pressing her back even closer to me. I smile against her hair, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. “Morning,” I murmur softly, my voice still rough from sleep.
“How long have you been awake?” she asks, rolling back toward me and looking over her shoulder.
“Not long,” I tell her, brushing her hair away from her face and kissing along her jaw. “I was just laying here thinking about us.”
“Good thoughts, I hope,” she says with a smile.
“Very good,” I assure her, not quite ready to tell her that I was dreaming of her in a white dress, about to take my last name.
After a few more minutes of comfortable silence, Callie stretches, pulling herself away from me just enough to sit up. “I should probably start getting ready,” she says. She’s supposed to go to a craft show today with Taylor and Brooke.
I groan in protest, tugging her hand to pull her back to me. “Do you have to go?”
She laughs and leans down to give me a quick kiss. “You’ll survive one day without me,” she teases. “Besides, you have the guys coming over. I’m sure they will keep you plenty occupied while I am away.”
I watch her move around the room putting on black leggings and an orange sweater. She has told me before that she doesn’t like to wear orange because it makes her look like a pumpkin. But I know now she wears it because she knows it’s my favorite color.
I cannot help but smile, watching her get dressed. Her ass looks perfect. Everything about her is perfect. She catches me staring and shakes her head. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Ridiculously attracted to you.”
She throws a pillow at me, and I laugh, sitting up to catch it before it hits my face. “Fine, fine. I’ll quit thinking about all the spots in this room I could bend you over,” I digress.
She pulls her hair into a messy bun and turns back to look at me. “You can bend me over anywhere you like tonight,” she promises. Another groan escapes as I flop back down onto the bed.
“Don’t tease me if you can’t please me,” I joke, mocking something that she said to me when we were just friends.
“Oh, you know I can please you. You’re just going to have to wait for it.”
After Callie leaves, I gather Barrett’s things to get him ready to go back to Sabrinas, making sure I don’t forget his lions this time. Barrett sits in the backseat, his little voice humming along as he bops his head to a song on the radio. Seeing the happiness on his face means everything to me. Building a life with him, with Callie and her daughter–soon to be daughters .
Sabrina greets us with a warm smile when we arrive and I’m grateful there’s no tension or awkwardness between us anymore. We’ve come a long way since our divorce. Now, it’s about making sure Barrett knows he’s loved, no matter what.
“See you later, buddy,” I say, crouching down to his level, ruffling his hair.
Barrett wraps his small arms around my neck and squeezes me tight. “I love you, Dad,” he says. “Please tell Callie I love her too since she left before I woke up this morning.”
“I will,” I promise my son, thrilled with the fact that he’s happy with our new arrangement too. “I love you too, kid.”
As I watch him run inside, I feel a strong sense of pride. Being a part of a blended family isn’t easy. But we are making it work. And it’s better than I ever could have imagined.
Back at the house that afternoon, Will, Luke, and Vince arrive. It’s the first time they’ve been to the house since I moved in with Callie and we started building our life together. They step inside and I feel a sense of pride.
We settle into the kitchen, cracking open beers and tossing a bag of chips onto the counter. The conversation starts off easy, catching up on life, work, and whatever else comes to mind.
“So, how are things with Callie?” Vince asks.
I hesitate to answer because sometimes, I don’t know how to put words to the way she makes me feel. It’s like trying to describe something I’ve waited my entire life to find, only to realize it was right there all along. “She's… amazing,” I finally say.
“Uh oh,” Luke chimes in, leaning forward with a smirk. “Sounds like someone’s in love.”
Will elbows him but they are both grinning and there’s no sense in trying to deny it. “Yeah,” I admit, “I really am. I would marry her tomorrow if she let me.”
Luke’s eyes go wide and there’s a moment of silence, like he’s processing my answer. “Don’t say that shit around Heather,” he pleads. “We’ve been seeing each other for longer and I’m not ready for that conversation.”
“Scares the shit out of you, doesn’t it?” Vince asks me.
“Honestly, not as much as I thought it would,” I admit. “I didn’t think that I was ever going to find this again after what happened with Sabrina. But I’m glad I started using FlameFinder again. I probably have Luke to thank for that.”
Vince smiles, leaning back. “Good for you, man. Zoe and I, we’ve had our ups and downs, but she keeps me grounded. I think that’s what it’s about–finding someone who wants you to be better. ”
Will speaks up, “I think it’s more about finding someone who makes you want to be better.”
“That’s what Vince said,” Luke says, confused.
Will shakes his head. “No, man. It’s about wanting to be the best man you can be for the woman you love. Not about the woman you love trying to change you.”
We all let that sink in for a moment. Will might be the only single one left in the group, but he’s still hit on something so real. It’s not about someone pushing you to change–it’s about wanting to be the best version of yourself for the person you love.
I look at my friends, at the house Callie and I have turned into our home and realize just how lucky I am. “That’s it exactly. Callie’s never asked me to change. Because of her, I want to be better. For her, for the kids… and for myself.”
Luke raises his beer in a small toast. “To finding the ones who make us better, whether we’re ready for it or not.”
We clink our bottles together, a shared understanding between us. He might not be in a relationship now, but we all know it’s only a matter of time before he finds someone too. One of these days, his disaster dates will have to turn into something more.
As the night winds down and the guys head out, I stand in the doorway. I pull my phone out, sending a quick text to Callie:
Me:
Hope you’re having a good time, dollface. I love you.
Callie:
I love you more.
I laugh at her ludicrous message. I’m convinced no one could love someone else more than I love this girl. I close the door before deciding to head to the shower while I wait for Callie to get home so I can show her just how much I love her.
Me:
Not possible.
Callie:
Yes, possible.