Chapter 13
CHAPTER 13
B eatrix
Ten Years Earlier
I’ve run out of things to throw, which is a good thing. Throwing Ren’s sweatshirt on the floor and knocking his backpack and baseball cap off my bed made me feel better in the moment, but as I look at his belongings on my floor, I feel foolish.
Maybe I want to feel foolish about throwing his stuff because it distracts me from what I really feel—like a na?ve girl who actually considered dropping out of college to follow a guy to Canada and cheer for him at center ice. Five minutes ago, I was that girl. My face, heated with embarrassment, continues to betray me even as I backpedal.
“You…don’t want me to go with you?” I try to keep my voice steady, but it breaks on the last word as the tears come in earnest.
“I—of course I would want you with me, but I think you’ll be miserable. I’ll be training around the clock and traveling…it’s not the makings of a good relationship. You deserve better.”
“I don’t want better. I want what we have.” I don’t want to beg him to change his mind, but I can’t believe he’s ending things this way. Right now. Without warning.
“Trix…” Ren takes a careful step toward me from where he’d stood leaning against my desk while I took my feeling of betrayal out on his clothes and bag. His face, beautiful with those chiseled cheekbones and soft lips that have done amazing things to my entire body, sags in a mixture of pity and regret. Not regret that he just broke my heart, but regret that I’m not handling it well.
“Don’t.” I hold up a hand, trying to keep him from coming closer because if he comes closer…I won’t be able to stop before folding myself into him, letting him be the cushion for the pain, even if it’s pain he’s causing.
He advances anyway and wraps me in his arms. I let him because it allows me to bury my face against his chest and avoid looking at him. I don’t want to see his warm, deep brown eyes that seem to shine only for me. I can’t look at his soft lips that have kissed me senseless so many times and never will again. And I don’t want to see the expression on his face, telling me what I somehow didn’t understand—that he always planned to leave. Without me.
“I can’t have distractions. It’s going to take all my focus to get in shape and earn my place on the team,” he explains, hands out like he’s making a deal with me.
“In shape? You’re in phenomenal shape,” I say, still finding fault with his reasoning, even though I can’t change his mind.
“Pro hockey is different. I need to put on muscle. The schedule’s relentless, games every other day?—”
“I just—I thought we were forever.” I sound na?ve, but I’m too sad and hurt to care if I’m exposing my vulnerability to him. I feel gobsmacked, my entire vision for my future evaporating in an instant, and the worst part is that I don’t have the vaguest clue what I’ll do without him in my life tomorrow. And the next day. And the next year.
“I’m sorry. I know you passed up that design internship with that fancy hotel group. Maybe you can still get it?”
My face, streaked with tears, heats with embarrassment. I gave up an impossible-to-get opportunity for him, not that he asked me to do it. But I thought he was worth it. “It was the Four Seasons, not just some hotel group. And no, I can’t get it back.”
“Shit. I’m so sorry, Trix. This isn’t how I wanted things to end. I just thought—I don’t know—I guess I didn’t understand how real everything would get when I went pro. Like I said, you deserve better in so many ways.” His forehead is creased, shoulders slumped. I see the agony in him. He doesn’t want to break my heart. But that’s not stopping him from doing it anyway. It’s not stopping him from leaving for Canada before graduation and not looking back.
There are probably things I should say. I could be mature and tell him I understand. Wish him luck. But I’m too gutted by the idea that Ren is moving on, and he doesn’t even seem that bummed about it. He’s just…getting on a plane and going. Moving forward, moving on to the career he’s dreamed of, and I’m the one being left behind. “You should leave. I’m sure you have photo ops or pro hockey things to do.”
I sound petty and hurt, but I can’t help lashing out. And the worst part is that I’m more upset with myself than I am with him. I feel lost at the idea of not being Dominick Renaldi’s girlfriend, and it’s embarrassing. Somewhere over the past year of dating him, I lost myself in him and forgot about myself.
Who is Beatrix Corbett and who does she want to be?
Ren leans in and kisses my forehead as his arms wrap around my limp body. I sort of hug him back. We stay that way for a long time, but eventually, his embrace loosens .
Looking at the floor, I barely notice when he opens the door and slips outside. I’m too busy thinking about my future. I have two more years of college to come up with a plan. And when I do, there won’t be anything—or any man—that can stop me from achieving it.