2. Ciera
I’ve been in Los Angeles for a couple of days now and decided to stay at the Marriott, near LAX, because I honestly didn't know where else to go.
Since being here, I have rarely left my room.
Most days, I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling, replaying everything that happened over and over again in my head until I damn near drove myself crazy. I wasn't eating much either.
The only reason I'd been forcing myself to eat was because I was pregnant, and my baby didn't deserve to suffer just because I was heartbroken.
Every time I thought about skipping a meal, I'd place my hand on my stomach and remind myself that I wasn't just living for me anymore.
I left New York because I needed time. Time to think, time to heal, and time to figure out how the hell my life got flipped upside down in such a short time.
Before I met Juelz, things were okay. I mean, yeah, we were dealing with my mom and her bullshit.
I just didn't expect my life to spiral out of control over a man.
I was so far gone over him that I wasn't thinking straight.
I was proud that as a woman, I didn't fall into traps of just giving myself to anybody.
I made a promise to myself that I would save myself for someone that would handle me with care—someone that wouldn't take me for grant it.
Someone that would protect my heart, mind, and body.
However, when I met Juelz, it seemed as if all that shit went out the window.
I didn't think things through. I wanted him, and I gave myself to him so easily.
I was ashamed of myself for so many reasons.
I was ashamed that I'd fallen hard for a man who was still in love with his fiancée. Someone he thought was dead, and I’d never in a million years thought that something like this would happen.
Juelz and I had conversations about Kenya, and I knew how much he loved her.
I knew how much he mourned her, and what it took for him to come out of that heartbreak and start living again.
I was surprised that he'd opened up to me about that part of his life, but he did.
That woman was the love of his life. And somehow, after all of that, he allowed himself to have the possibility of something new with me.
We weren’t in a relationship, but we were exclusively seeing each other.
I fell hard for that man, and now we had nothing.
Kenya came back into his life like a thief in the night, and he married her.
Now I was, carrying his child, and about to be a single mom.
Meanwhile, she got the man, the family, and everything that I’d envisioned for myself.
I just kept thinking about all of it. It was like, why would he even be with me if he still loved her?
He was just so quick to marry her. I know I was going to have to find peace in all this mess, and I believed that my baby would bring me the peace that I needed.
This wasn't my plan; I wanted to be in love and married to the father of all my kids.
The shit sounded crazy even in my own head.
On the flip side, Juelz was home with his wife and daughter, building the family he'd always wanted, while I was sitting in a hotel room thousands of miles away, trying to figure out how to put the pieces of my life back together.
My heart was shattered into a million pieces.
Nothing about this situation felt right.
I sighed and laid back on the bed as I rubbed my stomach.
“It's you and me now, little one.”
I knew I couldn't lock myself in this room forever.
I needed to find a permanent place to live.
Somewhere I could settle down and prepare for my baby.
Thankfully, I had money saved up. My severance package from my old job had been decent, and I'd always been responsible with my money. Plus, I had a talent that could allow me to start a new business. I’d work more on starting my facial and bag line.
Hopefully, it all worked out for me because now I had someone was going to be depending on me.
I picked my phone up to call Ari and still didn’t get an answer. I had been calling her and Grams since I got here, and no one was picking up. I saw my phone light up letting me know I had a text message.
Ari: Sorry I can’t talk right now. All is well. I will call you soon.
Me: I have been calling you for a couple of days, where is Grams? I have been calling her too.
Ari: We are good, Grams and Ms. Cynt have been out. I promise sis, we are fine. I’m going to call you soon, just going through some stuff with Zelan, but it’s all good. I want you to get the rest, and peace that you need to get better and come home.
Me: Let me know if you need me. I will always put my shit to the side and be there for you.
Ari: I’m good. I will call you as soon as I can.
The text from Ari was weird as shit, but if she said they were fine then I believed her. I hoped that Zel didn’t fuck over my sister; he seemed like a nice guy. However, going through what I was going through with his brother I could never be too sure.
Shit, Juelz seemed like a nice man at one point too, but I knew it was too good to be true. Now thinking about it, I was a pretty girl, I was also a little on the heavy side, a size fourteen to be exact. Shapely, still not what Kenya looked like. She was beautiful and slim like Ari.
I guess I was just fooling myself thinking that he was okay with my size.
Now that I was pregnant, it was only going to get worse.
I needed to get out of this room and head down to the restaurant to get some dinner.
My phone ringing brought me out of my thoughts.
Picking it up, I saw a number that I didn’t know, but I answered anyway.
“Hello,” I greeted.
“Hello, this is Simone Kassom. I’m trying to reach Ciera,” the lady said. She had the same last name as Juelz, so I wondered who she was.
“Yes, this is Ciera. How can I help you?” I questioned confused as hell, but for some reason her voice felt so calming.
“Hi Ciera, I’m Juelz’s mother and I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if that is alright with you? I got your number from my son Zelan,” she stated.
“Yes ma’am, that is fine,” I told her.
“Ciera, Zelan told me everything that happened between you and Juelz. I just wanted to talk to you because I don’t play that shit.
I didn’t raise my sons to treat women the way you were treated.
I’m their mother, but I’m a woman first, so I just want you to know that I’m sorry this happened.
I'm here to talk if you need to. Time heals, and I understand how you must feel about this situation. I will never take up for my son if he is in the wrong. He has a big situation going on, but that is no excuse for the way he handled you, especially if he took you out of the country,” Ms. Simone stated and I could tell that she was sincere because she seemed to be getting upset.
“It’s alright, Ms. Kassom. It’s going to take some time, but it’ll get easier, I’m sure. I left the city just to get myself together,” I spoke.
“Honey, let me tell you something woman to woman,” she said, her voice soft but firm enough for me to know she meant business.
“Don't ever let a man run you away from your life.
I know it's hard right now, and I know you're hurting, but you had a life before him, and you'll have one after him. You got that?” I stood up from the bed and looked out the window at the California traffic below and sighed.
“Yes, I got it." I smiled.
“Good,” she stated. “Because while I understand why you left, I don't want you sitting out there thinking your life is over.
It's not. You're young, smart, and probably a beautiful person inside and out.
I don't know you, but I'm sure you have too much going for yourself to let this situation break you.
Juelz is my son, and I love him. The one thing that I'm sure of is that he's over there fighting a battle with his heart. I can see what this is doing to him, and I know he feels obligated to Kenya. Mark my words though—this isn’t over by a long shot.”
Her words hit me harder than I expected. For the last few days, I'd been acting like my world had ended. Maybe it felt that way because the future I thought I was building with this man wasn't happening anymore.
“I hear you," I said to her.
“Well, since you've already left, take the time you need. Cry if you need to cry. Be angry if you need to be angry. Get all that hurt out of your system. Then when you're ready, get back to New York so we can meet.” My brows raised because I didn’t think she still wanted to meet me.
“Meet me?”
“Yes, meet you. I've heard great things about you, Ciera. You're not going to get rid of me that easily.”
“How do you know....” she cut me off.
“I spoke to Ari.”
“Oh, so you met my sister?” I asked her. I guess that made sense because Ari was dating her son.
“I’ve known her for years, I’m her professor at NYU,” she stated, and I was shocked as hell.
“Really? Ari never got around to telling me that. What a small world. I will keep your number and call you from time to time,” I responded.
“Please do, sweetie, can’t wait to see you.
I’ll be checking in on you and take care of yourself.
Promise me that you’ll get up and make today a good one.
Go shopping, as a matter of fact go do some shopping on my account that my son setup for me.
I have one at all the high-end shops. Gucci, LV, and Chanel.
It’s under Simone Kassom and the code is 1355.
Have a ball, he owes you that much. I’ll call now and have them put your name on my list as a guest shopper until Monday.
Let’s talk soon. Have a great day baby doll,” she said.
“Oh, my goodness. Thank you, that’s so generous of you. But I don’t think I can do that,” I told her.