Chapter Ten
Grant
I’m not surprised Hazel wants to talk. There’s been something eating away at her for a while now, I just don’t know what.
She’s gone quiet at times, her gaze fixing on a point and not wavering. That confidence she once harnessed has slipped, moments of self-doubt creeping in that are uncharacteristic for her.
I won’t push her to tell me. She’ll share with me when she’s ready and it looks like now’s the time.
All I know is that no matter what happens, she’s mine. Nothing will change that.
My parents were more than willing to take Harrison for the weekend. Cole and Wells have been supportive in watching him, but I can see that they both need a break.
Cole continues to struggle with juggling work and the kids. With summer fast approaching, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do.
Wells, on the other hand, seems to be a ball of coiled tension.
With all that he’s gone through since Tristan was born, I have a feeling he’s going to need to let loose pretty soon.
The man rarely takes a moment to relax and is constantly on the move, which makes sense considering everything he’s been through.
Cole teases him relentlessly, but Wells just brushes him off with a shrug of his shoulders.
I think I need to set up a schedule to watch the kids to give my friends a break.
Hazel’s waiting for me as I walk up to her door. She looks stunning as always, her long wavy hair floating loose around her face accentuating her natural beauty. Worry is etched along the tight set of her mouth, only softening as she sighs and steps into my embrace.
“Hey, baby.”I kiss the top of her head as she buries her face in my chest, her shoulders relaxing. “Don’t tell me your mother grilled you again.”
Her shoulders shake with laughter at her new nickname or the question, I’m not sure. When she said she was being a baby about how her mom was acting around us, I told her she was my baby. The look of disgust she gave me made us both laugh, but she doesn’t seem to mind now.
“I’m sure she would love to try. Is it bad to admit that I’ve been dodging her phone calls?
” Since learning about our relationship, Lynn hasn’t let up on gathering information.
The pizza party the parents planned after the game was interesting, to say the least. Lynn cornered me whenever she could and I couldn’t help but laugh at Hazel’s red, embarrassed face.
It’s good to see some of the stress melt from her features as she smiles up at me. “Absolutely not.” I cup her face and relish the feeling of her lips against mine. I don’t let her go easily, pulling her back in again and again for quick kisses and still not getting my fill.
With a soft sigh, Hazel steps out of my embrace and leads me into her apartment.
The scent of lavender is subtle, the flames of the lit candle flickering as I follow Hazel to her couch. I’ve learned the scent only gets used on certain occasions, and none of them are positive.
“Candice wasn’t nearly as bad as my mom,” she says as she folds her legs underneath her. Candice had come up to me at the party saying how happy she was for us before tacking on a threat if I should ever hurt her little sister. “She saw right through us, I guess.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t that hard. I’m an open book when it comes to you. Pretty sure I was watching you more than I was the games.” There was no stopping my eyes from wandering over to her. “Hell, I can barely keep my hands to myself right now.”
She smiles, rolling her eyes, but offers the hand resting on her thigh which I gladly take. “I’d say my time was evenly split between you and the game. Lucky for me I could watch both at the same time.” Her eyes are glued to our clasped hands, her nervousness coming back to the forefront.
It’s clear that this is a struggle for her and I’m not going to push her. Instead, I’ll sit with her forever if I have to.
She sucks in a deep breath before slowly letting it out through pursed lips. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”
“You don’t have to be,” I encourage her. “Nothing you say can change my mind about you.”
She snickers. “That’s why I’m nervous. I feel like this could be the one thing…” She lets her words trail off, her voice thick with emotion.
There’s nothing that could make me change my mind, or heart, about her. She’s who my life has led me to and I’m not turning my back on what we have.
Ever.
“Nothing you say could make me leave.”
The room falls quiet as I give Hazel the space and time she needs to say what she needs to say. Her smaller fingers fiddle with mine as a simple distraction from whatever’s going on in that beautiful head of hers.
She breathes heavily, sucking in large inhales before slowly letting them out as if searching for the strength to say the words.
The urge to drag her into my lap and hold her is unmistakable. But instead, I settle for her hand in mine.
When she finally starts to share her thoughts, her voice is soft and timid, unlike the woman I’ve come to love.
“So, you know that before you I’d been single for a long time.
” I nod even though her eyes don’t move from our joined hands.
“There were times that I was fine with that because I would see the stress that having a family did to people and I didn’t need it.
I’d see my sister with Mason and realize that I’m not that type of girl.
I don’t know how to be sweet and maternal.
” She finally looks up at me, her brown eyes pleading.
I have to bite my tongue because although I disagree, this isn’t about how I feel about her. She’s kind, compassionate, and caring in so many ways that it’s mind-boggling that she doesn’t see herself that way. So I squeeze her hand letting her know I hear her.
“I thought I would be okay, that it wasn’t a big deal. But then Harrison woke up that night and I didn’t know what to do. All I could think was that anyone else would’ve been better than me.”
It's hard to keep the disbelief off my face. When I walked into my home that night to see her cradling my sleeping son in her arms, I had never felt so much peace or love. Not once when I was trying to get Tristan’s fever down did I worry about Harrison or think that Hazel wouldn’t be able to take care of him or keep him safe.
Coming home to her—to them? It was the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life.
Hazel pauses, sucking in a ragged breath.“I don’t know if I can be what you and Harrison need.”
All that we need?
She’s all that we need.
Her.
Just. Her.
All the breath is stolen from my lungs at the knowledge that she doesn’t think she’s good enough.
She’s everything.
“Hazel,” I gasp.
“We’ve never talked about kids, but it’s hard not to think about,” she rushes. “I know you’re already a parent, and Harrison’s amazing, but…I’m not sure if I know how to be a mom.” She deflates, all the anxiety and worry rushing out with her admission.
With everything out in the open, we sit in the quiet of the living room processing the information she’s shared. Hazel squeezes my hand tightly as if she’s afraid I’ll slip my fingers from hers, walk out that door, and never look back.
Nothing in this world could get me to do that.
I reach over and give her thigh a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “I’m glad you told me. But,” I pause, waiting for her to fix her tear-filled gaze on me, “why do you think you won’t be a good mom?”
She blinks rapidly looking up at the ceiling before focusing on our clasped hands. “I’m just not…I don’t…” She starts and stops, her mouth opening and closing as if she can’t find the right words. “I’m not Candice. I don’t know how to do all the things. Be all the things.”
There it is.
“Baby,” I say, scooching closer to her on the couch and tilting her chin up.
“I don’t want Candice. I need you. You are everything I need.
Everything we need. You being exactly who you are is more than enough for us.
Even if you doubt yourself, I don’t. I’ve seen you with Mason and with Harrison and never once did I think that you would be a terrible mother. ”
She sniffles, her eyes filling back up with tears. “What if I mess up?
“Everyone makes mistakes. And if we do mess up, we’ll be there for each other and we’ll figure it out.
I fuck up all the time. We know Cole and Wells have their fair share of mistakes,” she hiccups a chuckle.
“You don’t have to be anything more than mine.
Is that okay? You get to decide what role you want to take when you want to take it. ”
Hazel bites her lip. “But you’re not mad or going to break up with me?” She seems genuinely surprised and now the worry hidden in every line of her face makes more sense.
She expected this conversation to end in heartbreak.
The answer is so simple that I don’t have to think about it. “No. Never crossed my mind.”
Her eyebrows furrow. “Then what are you?”
“Completely in love with you, now more than ever.” Her gaze flicks across my smiling face searching it for a hint of a lie. “Hazel, I’d be more concerned if you didn’t think about it. Trust me, I understand what it’s like to become a parent overnight.” My palm glides along her thigh in comfort.
Hazel’s whole body seems to loosen as she exhales, leaning forward to place her forehead against mine. “Thank you,” she whispers. “I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear that.” She snorts. “I feel so stupid now.”
Wild hair tickles my cheeks and I brush it away, tucking it behind her ears before kissing her lips.
“You’re not stupid. You care. There’s a difference.
” I won’t point out how her simply recognizing the fear and talking about it makes her better than some people I know.
“Please don’t go thinking that you’re not everything we need. ”
Hazel nods, kissing my lips once more. “I love you.”
With the heaviness of the conversation dissipating, I finally bridge the gap between us, pulling her into my lap and holding her like I’ve been longing to. We have the whole weekend, the rest of our lives, for me to show her how much she’s loved.
Starting right now.