Taina
SURPRISE, SURPRISE
Good things come to those who wait.
I eye the clock, not wanting to miss the moment I wipe Dr. Greene’s smirk off her face.
I’m sitting in her office, having arrived early with anticipation nipping at my heels.
But not those who wait too late.
I think about last night’s theatrics; my mother calling out to my father as she kept her hand clamped painfully on my arm.
As she explained what she saw, holding it up in her free fist and shaking it with anger, his face got redder and redder until he told her to shut the fuck up.
I’d never heard him this angry, and when he shoved past me to leave the house, I wasn’t sure if I’d be homeless when he returned.
Thankfully, he came back without uttering a word to me, the sound of their arguing lulling me to sleep.
I’d never seen him so enraged, not even when I was brutally raped and beaten before I was dropped in front of my home like I was the morning newspaper.
And they did nothing, aside from taking me to the hospital to make sure I had no life-threatening injuries. They didn’t think someone running for Congress should have my assault overshadow their campaign.
So as I stare at my therapist, I take slow, even breaths so I don’t let the rage take hold. I can feel my jaw clenching, fighting off how it bubbles beneath my surface.
“You seem angry,” she starts, and I can’t help my scoff, lifting a brow.
“Are you trying to goad me, doctor?” I narrow my eyes, cross my legs, and sit back in my seat.
I’m going to need to be comfortable for this. I get out of my emotions, taking more slow breaths and reining myself in as she speaks.
“Merely trying to understand,” she patronizes me as she clicks her pen, her eyes squinting under her glasses. I see the smile-less delight in her stare, and it takes every ounce of self-control I have to opt for vocalizing over violence.
“If you’d bothered to listen to me in the hours I’ve graciously given—” I start, snapping my eyes and mouth shut when she interrupts me.
I’m calm, I’m calm.
“Taina, you and I both know that isn’t the truth. In fact, more and more it feels like you’re spiraling and lying to me to hide your descent into whatever’s sucking you in. Terribly, might I add.” With her glasses perched on her nose, she twists her lips as if her words soured her tongue.
Lying?
That’s rich , I think to myself as I straighten my posture.
“That’s because I’m only good at things I give a shit about.” I choose to goad this time. I’m about to drag her to hell, so I may as well make it a little fun.
“Should I call your parents?” She arches a brow and leans toward me, as if she has some sort of upper hand.
It’s hard not to laugh at her. She’s a fucking joke , after all.
“You could…” I lean back as a display of my utter ease. Bitch, you do not scare me. “But you won’t. ”
Her nostrils flare as she lifts her phone, prepared to find my parents’ contact in her cell. I watch her scroll, tapping at the screen and searching for either one of them. They shouldn’t be hard to find, considering she called them only last night.
Wait for it.
I can only assume her notifications are silenced, so I won’t know exactly when it comes. But seconds tick by, and I drink in the vision before me; the moment she finally sees it.
Color drains from her once pink cheeks as her eyes zero in on the video footage I scheduled my phone to send her a few minutes ago, widening. The timing is far too impeccable. I’d just figured at some point she’d look at her phone or get the notification mid-conversation.
It’s like some celestial entity planned it all in time.
Or maybe I’m the celestial entity.
Her lips part, and I fight the desire to smirk. My anger abated the moment she realized she’d no longer have the upper hand here. That she never truly did.
Besides, I’d gloated enough when I stumbled upon her secret, simply by accident. Was it fate, again? The boldness of it lends to a sheer abundance of audacity.
An affair with a psychiatrist in the same practice.
A married psychiatrist.
What is it about affairs that make people feel alive? I can’t deny the euphoric feeling of a crush. It feels so foreign to me now, the idea of wanting someone so badly, you’d gamble blowing up your entire life just for moments of their time.
Her plain wedding band winks at me under the light as her hands shake, bringing the phone closer to her face when she sees the damning portion.
Because the video begins with them getting into the elevator together, his hand on her lower back. Innocent enough, right?
Then it cuts to them walking into the same hotel room, unable to keep their hands to themselves in the hallway. He lifts her knee up toward his waist and after fumbling with the key card, he uses her back to push the door open.
The door closes, and the video ends.
There is no question of their identities or infidelities.
She doesn’t know that isn’t even the worst of what I have. It’s amazing what you can pay people to place in hotel rooms ahead of their guests’ arrivals.
I’ve seen this woman butt-ass naked, on her knees, choking on this balding guy’s dick until her eyes bulge.
Strange that I’ve been unable to reconcile the footage I’ve seen with the woman sitting in front of me. In my compartmentalized mind, that woman isn’t the same person I’m in this room with.
She’s not a cheating, homewrecking whore to me. She’s just a bitch of a therapist.
The same way I’m no longer the person I was before I was assaulted.
I think the saddest clips I have are the ones where she’s complaining about her husband as she ignores his call.
Imagine having a person love you so much that they vow to spend their life beside you, bearing witness to yours. And you ignore their call to suck some mediocre man’s dick.
“I have more footage,” I murmur, rubbing my hands over my bare arms, hating the chill bumps I feel there. Why are these offices so fucking cold? I wince as my hands run over the sensitive marks there.
I have bruises on my arm where Mami grabbed me after finding my mask, yanking me through the house with her shrill scream leading the way.
And it’s all this bitch’s fault. Had she never said anything about missing therapy, Mami wouldn’t have been waiting at the door for me.
In the end, I took my soupy ass ice cream upstairs and ate what I could before passing out on top of my comforter .
And when I left this morning, I was given strict instructions from my mother: to therapy and back home.
I know when your sessions end, and I will check the front door camera to make sure you’re there.
As if that’ll keep me inside.
I’ve been sneaking out of that hellhole since I was thirteen.
Placing my hands on my lap, I wait until her eyes meet mine, still wide and now brimming with tears.
“You, as a person meant to lead others with potential morality issues, should set a better example. But that’s not my problem.
My problem is that I now have limited time to get what I need completed.
Since it’s your fault, you’re going to lie to my parents and tell them exactly what they want to hear. ”
I watch the way her face shakes as she inhales.
“You are truly evil,” she finally whispers, setting her phone down and shoving it away along with a few pieces of paper. An errant tear treks down her cheek, and I wonder why she’s crying. No one forced her to ruin her marriage, fucking around in unfamiliar sheets like a love-starved teenager.
“I’m sure that man’s wife would say the same about you.”
She presses her lips together and wipes the tear away with a shuddering breath.
Yes, get your shit together so we can move on with the conversation.
“If you’re going to blackmail me, I’d like to know how you found out.”
We stare at one another, and I roll my eyes before I give her what she wants.
“I’ve gotten really good at learning people’s secrets. If you wait long enough, they’ll bubble to the surface, dying to make themselves known.” Sometimes you don’t even have to go searching for them.
“When did mine…”
“Bubble to the surface?” I finish, and she nods before shoving her hands through her hair, setting her elbows on her desk before peering up at me again .
“I saw the two of you walking into the building together. I gathered it was just two coworkers getting lunch. Innocent enough. Except he likes to press against boundaries like he’s impervious to consequence.
And let me be the one to tell you, if this were to get out, you’d be ruined, fired.
” I lean forward, maintaining eye contact.
“But he’ll be fine. Because to these bastards, it’s okay when they fuck us. It’s not okay when we fuck them.”
For once, Dr. Greene is at a loss for words, staring through me as her world as she knows it tilts on an unplanned axis.
Is she calculating what working against me will cost her?
Certainly most of the $25,935.82 in her checking account and maybe all of the $502,692.36 in their shared portfolio. Their vacation property they use as a short-term rental. Even her ugly ass dog, Hubert.
Poor Hubert.
I almost want to say it aloud, but she beats me to the punch, speaking up first.
“What else? What else do you want other than my lying to cover up your undoubtedly criminal activity?” She lets out a humorless chuckle. “You probably think I’m a terrible person.”
“I did before I knew you were cheating on your husband. But let’s be honest, you don’t care what I think of you.
You just hate the idea that anyone could see you in a negative light, committing actions you can’t justify.
” I shrug. “You’ve studied psychiatry. You know better than this type of behavior. ”
“I don’t need a lecture from a fucking?—”
“A what?” I cross my arms. She snaps her mouth shut, and I nod once. “I need you to do whatever I ask of you.”
“I couldn’t possibly?—”
“You will. But don’t worry, I won’t ask you to do anything illegal.” I stand, getting ready to leave. “I don’t think so, anyway.”