Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Afew of his family smiled, and those with partners shifted toward their people if they weren’t already standing beside them.
A silent communication that perhaps it was their bedtime, too.
Lovell’s eyes lingered on Stone, who slid his arm around Juliana’s waist, then leaned down and said something quietly in her ear before kissing her temple.
She nodded and rested her head on his shoulder.
He’d gotten used to the closeness, the intimacy, between his brothers and their partners—fiancées—but sometimes, at odd moments, it struck him how far they’d all come.
And how far some of them had to go. Life was a never-ending journey, and while he didn’t believe that having a significant other always meant happiness, or was some magical sign of emotional growth, the way his brothers did it, it was.
Shifting his attention to Daphne, he watched as she took a bite of her sandwich. She chewed slowly, as if testing her stomach. But if the way her eyes drifted closed was any indication, she was also savoring the sharp, melted cheddar. Grateful for something as simple as a hot sandwich.
North and Wesson were the first to say good night, followed by Kendall and Monk. Only he, Callie, Philly, and Amber remained when she took her last bite.
“I might need help showering,” Daphne said, holding up her bandaged hands.
Hawkeye had given her plastic bags to cover them, but from experience, that didn’t make showering any easier.
Holding a damn bar of soap was tricky when wrapped in wet plastic and fighting off pain.
He handed her a couple of ibuprofen with another glass of water, but he doubted that would do much more than take the edge off.
“Gabe and I will take the room beside yours. I’ll help you,” Callie said.
“You need to rest, Callie,” Daphne countered.
“I can help,” Amber chimed in, taking Daphne’s empty plate and glass.
“I need to help,” Callie insisted.
Lovell couldn’t help but think Callie was a day late and a dollar short with her offer. Where had she been when Daphne really needed help?
“Why are you glaring at my sister?” Daphne demanded.
His eyes flickered to her, then to the fire. “Not glaring.”
“That was a glare.”
“Maybe we should get you to bed,” Amber interjected.
He felt the weight of Daphne’s attention in every rigid line of his shoulders. The longer she stared, the tighter the energy inside him coiled. He didn’t want to have this fight, not now, not ever. But the way his body felt, as if ready to pounce, said otherwise.
“I think Lovell has something he needs to say,” Daphne poked.
He shook his head.
The sharp inhale was all the warning he got before she took her opening shot.
“I am beyond exhausted. I’ve been tased, held captive, and I trekked through a blizzard.
If you’re feeling guilty about me getting caught up in this, I understand.
I don’t agree, but I get it. I even appreciate that you were worried.
What I don’t understand, and don’t accept, though, is your anger.
If anyone has a right to be angry, it’s me.
So if you have something to say, say it. ”
Her shots hit the mark. He was feeling all those things.
And he wanted to tear the world apart and hunt down Weeks and Beeker for what they’d done to her and then do the same to Daisy for starting all this shit.
But he had another reason for his anger, too.
Callie was supposed to protect her. They’d talked about it, they’d agreed on it, they’d made a plan.
Instead, she’d taken a fucking nap. He wasn’t about to point that out, though.
He’d piss off both Philly and Daphne, and it wasn’t something they’d resolve right now, anyway. “Nothing needs to be said,” he bit out.
“He’s pissed because I was asleep when you were taken. I don’t blame him,” Callie said, her voice quiet but steady.
Daphne whipped her head around to meet her sister’s gaze before her eyes flickered to Philly, who nodded.
“That’s dumb,” she said, turning her attention back to him.
“Dumb?” Lovell repeated, outrage thrumming dangerously through his body. She’d almost died and it was dumb?
She met his gaze. “Yes, dumb. Stupid, idiotic, foolish, dense, dull, moronic. You get the picture.”
He blinked. “You are a piece of work,” he muttered, looking back to the fire.
“I’m a lot of things, James Church,” she said. He jerked at the sound of his real name. No one but Helia used it these days. “But if I don’t blame my sister, you don’t have the right to.”
“You’re going to tell me how I can feel now?” he snapped back.
She rolled her eyes. He was dimly aware that the other people in the room had gone completely still.
He was also aware that both their reactions weren’t quite reasonable.
The emotions of the day, the ones he’d pushed aside as he focused on searching for her and the ones she’d suppressed as she fought to survive, were boiling under the surface, waiting to break free.
Either tears or a good fight would do the job, and she seemed intent on the latter.
“Blame is a reaction—a verb or noun—with an object attached to it. ‘You’ is the subject, ‘blame’ is the verb, ‘Callie’ is the object. It is not a feeling. You feel angry or sad or nervous or guilty or whatever, but you don’t feel blame.
So no, I’m not telling you how to feel, but I am telling you that blaming my sister is dumb. ”
“She fucking fell asleep when she was supposed to be protecting you!” he all but shouted back.
“Because I told her to go lie down,” she snapped, without missing a beat.
He reared back. That was an even bigger part of the problem. “Don’t even get me started on what you did. Or what you didn’t do.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Oh no, please do get started on that. I’m dying to hear your opinions.”
He fought the urge to let the beast inside him go. Pain shot through his jaw as he ground his teeth. His nostrils flared as he took one deep breath, then another. Never before had it been this hard. A sign that he needed to walk away. He rose, intent on doing just that.
Daphne cocked her head. “No, please, really. Do go on. Enlighten me, oh wise one.”
The dark, ugly thing inside him broke free.
“You had a fucking former FBI agent in the house with you, and you chose to confront those two men on your own,” he yelled, pacing in front of the fire.
“Who the hell does that? If it were Kendall in the house with you, no question. Or literally anyone who doesn’t have the training your sister has, I’d get it.
But Callie? As angry as I am at her, I know how competent she is.
And that the two of you together is better than you on your own.
Why the hell didn’t you use that brain of yours and lean on her? ”
He paused, his back to the fire, the heat licking his skin, fueling his emotions.
The crackle of the flames filled the silence, and after three more breaths, he lifted his eyes to meet hers.
He braced himself for her anger, her temper, her defense.
Instead, curiosity shadowed her expression.
As if she was digesting his words, picking them apart, and coming up with a story he had a feeling he wasn’t going to like.
He’d been ready for her to fight back. He didn’t know what to do with this.
“Nothing to say, Daphne? You got what you wanted from me and now you have nothing to say?” Disgust at his own loss of control laced his tone, and if she thought it was directed at her, he wasn’t going to correct that assumption.
If that made him an asshole, then so be it.
He was already feeling like one anyway. He still believed he had a right to his anger, but yelling at someone who’d just gone through what she’d gone through wasn’t exactly going to win him any compassion awards.
“She did it because she didn’t want to risk me and the baby,” Callie said, her voice so quiet it cut the air like an arrow.
Lovell sucked in a breath, but his eyes stayed locked on Daphne for the space of a dozen heartbeats as the words sank in. “You’re pregnant?” he asked, turning to Callie. Philly reached over and took his wife’s hand. That was all the confirmation he needed, but she nodded.
“Eleven weeks,” she said. “We wanted to make it through the first trimester before we told anyone. Daphne didn’t wake me because she didn’t want me in the line of fire. You have no idea how much I hate that she did that, but if you need to blame someone, blame me.”
“You’re going to be a father?” he asked, his eyes darting to Philly. His brother nodded and flashed him a grin Lovell had seen dozens of times on the battlefield after he’d pulled off some crazy stunt or other.
Fuck, Callie was pregnant. Philly was going to be a dad. They were all going to be uncles. No doubt there’d be more little Falcon chicks in the coming years, but this was the first.
A fierce wave of protectiveness rolled through him. “Are you okay?” he asked, switching his attention back to Callie. “Are you sick? Have you been to the doctor? Are you taking vitamins and all those things? Is there anything you need?”
Callie offered a tentative smile. One he hated. And he’d put that hesitation there. He was such an asshole. This was what he got for letting the ugly thing inside him break free.
“The baby is doing great,” she said. “We’ve heard the heartbeat twice and had one ultrasound.
Yes, I’m taking the vitamins, and I’ve only had a little morning sickness.
” She paused. “But I’m tired. Tired in a way that sometimes feels like I’m hitting a brick wall.
That’s what happened this afternoon,” she added quietly.
“That’s why she wanted me to rest. I shouldn’t have, though. ”
“There was no way we could have known that they’d figure out who I was because they’d seen my car parked in the carport of the rental before I had any clue what they were up to,” Daphne said.
“We all assumed they’d take some time and do some fancy tech stuff to track me down.
Believe me, I’m never renting a house with a carport again. ”
“And if the situations were reversed, Callie, you would have done the same thing,” Lovell said.
A look passed over Daphne’s face when he glanced her way, but it was gone in a flash.
He owed her an apology. The jumble of emotions were sorting themselves out, but at least he understood her decision now.
“Now that we’ve cleared that up, can I go take a shower?” Daphne asked, her voice light. “I feel like a dozen pieces of material that someone’s sown together in a ragged pattern.”
“You two go on to bed,” Lovell said, with a nod to Philly and Callie. “I’ll make sure she has what she needs tonight.”
“I’ll make sure she has what she needs,” Amber said, stepping to Daphne’s side. “Whatever is going on here”—she wagged a finger between him and Daphne—“is too much for either of you to deal with tonight.”
Lovell opened his mouth to protest, but Daphne shot him a look that might have been a little pleading.
There was something between them. Chemistry, for sure, but maybe something more.
Or maybe it was all in his head. Either way, Amber was right.
Accepting his help meant being vulnerable, and neither he nor Daphne was in the right place to hold space for that.
He nodded and took a step forward. “At least let me help you to your room. Then I’ll leave you in Amber’s hands.” For now, was left unsaid.