Chapter Forty-Four
When Denne finally collapsed, her head went to Allhan’s shoulder, and she let herself just melt into his strong chest. Talk about exertion.
Their combined body heat and all the heavy breathing had not only fogged up the windows, but she was totally naked except for her socks and felt just fucking fine.
And as her heart rate gradually slowed, she wanted to stay like this forever.
Too bad she knew that she had to go.
“Let me get your jacket,” he murmured. There was a shift as he reached into the front seat. “I don’t want you to get cold.”
“No chance of that.”
Except that was a lie. The reality of heading back to the s’Hisbe and everything waiting for her there made her feel like she was outside in the snow, alone. And that spring was never, ever coming.
The way Al draped her with the parka and then wrapped her in his arms made her feel the loss of him so acutely, it was like they had already left each other.
“Allhan…”
“Yes?”
She sat up and looked at his pale, handsome face. Tracing his jawline and then his eyebrows, she pushed herself to say what she had to, namely that they couldn’t meet up again, they couldn’t talk, they couldn’t text. It was going to have to be a cold turkey solution, and it needed to start now.
Unfortunately, the exiting had just gotten even harder after what they’d done here.
And it wasn’t that she regretted the sex. Not at all.
Shit was going to be more and more difficult if the contact continued.
“So this is where you tell me no,” he said in a deep voice. “That we can’t see each other.”
When she nodded, tears started to well. “I’m so sorry.”
She braced herself for an argument from him. Or anger. Or a pathetic attempt at begging.
Instead, he only inclined his head. “Me, too. I’m more sorry than you’ll ever know.”
They needed to get dressed, and he needed to dematerialize out, and she had to somehow see through the crying well enough to drive back to Caldwell and stash the truck at that little house she’d managed to buy and keep for herself.
She’d always had some fantasy of living there full-time while she worked at the restaurant.
That was as far as she’d ever looked into the future.
Now she was staring at the years ahead of her, and feeling like time was a burden that had weight and barbs.
She’d never particularly thought of the days and nights ahead as an opportunity, per se, but hey, nothing like living your whole life knowing that the male you loved was alive and not with you to make the centuries in front of you feel like a curse.
Not that she actually loved Al, of course.
Just a turn of phrase.
Really.
“What is it, Denne,” he asked in a hoarse voice. “Can you talk to me?”
No. “It’s nothing.”
Which was what the years were going to be like.
She shrugged. “I just wish I had a different destiny. Or maybe had met you the night before we ran into each other in that clearing.”
Except, that wouldn’t have changed that chart, would it. Or those two fallen stars.
“I’m just glad I knew you at all.” His eyes searched her face. “I’d rather miss you forever than not have tonight.”
Tears really came now. “How can you say that?”
“It’s the truth. And the truth is always easy to speak.”
“Not always.” She shook her head. “Not in my case.”
Al stroked her braids. “You’re getting mated, aren’t you.”
Emotion tackled her, until she stuttered. “I… I…”
“It’s okay.” He grimaced. “I mean, it’s not okay. But it’s all right. Do you love him—”
“No. And he doesn’t love me. It’s just what has to happen.”
“Arranged matings are common in my family, too.” He wrapped one of her curls around his finger. “Will he at least treat you right?”
“Yes, always. He is a male of worth, who will make sure I am taken care of.”
“That’s good.”
“You’re so… accepting of this.” She almost wanted him to fight for her. Which was fucking insane. “I’m… grateful.”
Oh, fuck that gratitude shit for a laugh. She wanted him to… well, do what? Kill t’On in a fit of jealous rage? Where the hell did she think that was going to get them. A good male dead so they could be together? No. That was so not it.
“I wish I could change things for you. For us.” Abruptly, his face hardened. “But my own course has been set for a while now.”
“Your sister.”
“Yes.”
As she stared down at the anger that cut into his handsome features, she shivered. “You’re not going to do something stupid, are you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You tell me.”
It was a long moment before he shook his head. “No. I’m not.”
“I don’t think I believe that.” Denne cursed under her breath. “Can you at least ask for help—”
“Don’t worry about me.” He ran his hands down her arms. “And this goodbye for us is just where our story led. Kiss me again, and then it’s time for us both to go. If I stay here any longer, I’m going to never leave you, and that is just… not what’s best for you.”
Denne went back to cradling his face between her hands. After a long moment, she whispered, “I don’t love you, Allhan. It’s… too soon for that.”
His eyes became glassy with tears as well. “I don’t love you, too, Denne. Oh, God, I don’t love you at all.”
Squeezing her lids shut, she pressed her lips to his. And then they stayed like that, their mouths sealed, him still deep inside of her.
They were like two shooting stars, she thought, flaring brilliantly, beautifully.
And fading just as fast.