Chapter Forty-Seven
Down below at the palace entrance, iAm opened the glass door and stood aside for his shellan.
As Catra went by him, he was very aware of having reached a conclusion there was no coming back from.
The situation with Denne had been tying him up even before they’d met with Wrath and the Brotherhood about the eminent domain stuff, and he’d been distracted during the discussion.
The truth was, however, his mind was locking into a rock-solid position about their only offspring, and he was now stuck trying to figure out how to talk to his beloved shellan about it.
There was just so much swirling around his mate that he didn’t want to add more stress. But he was going to have to voice his opinion.
This was not about the crown and the Territory. This was about him as a father.
“I wish I could do something for Wrath,” his Queen said. “He’s always there when we need him.”
“Amen to that.” He put his arm around her. “You’re an important ally for him, too, though. Humans and lessers are everywhere, and his throne and the Brotherhood are in the thick of it. You’ve helped him a lot as well.”
She laughed a little. “You know what? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Vishous smile.”
“Me, neither. It didn’t last, though.”
“No.” Her brows settled low. “But that’s the way of happiness, isn’t it. The pain tends to be what lingers.”
They didn’t say anything else as they went downstairs to their private quarters.
A couple of courtiers passed by on the steps, and the purple robes and the glow in those dark faces was like getting punched in the gut.
Once again, he was forced to reflect on how the whole s’Hisbe had come alive in a way it hadn’t been for a decade.
Yet here he was, feeling like they were sending their only young off to the slaughter—
Catra stopped in the middle of the hallway, the glossy white marble floor, walls, and ceiling reflecting her beautiful, robed form.
When her black eyes met his own, he suddenly had the feeling what she was going to say before she spoke the word that was banging around in his own skull:
“No.”
“I’m sorry?” he said urgently, because he had to be sure they were thinking the same thing. “What? What’s no—”
“I cannot let Denne mate him. I don’t care what that chart projects.
You and I will protect ourselves, we will take care of us.
And if she’s supposed to be Queen now, fine.
I’ll step down. But I will not condemn our daughter to a loveless mating just to protect us from something that’s on a piece of parchment. ”
iAm deflated with a relief so great he weaved on his feet, and he nodded furiously. “I agree totally. No.”
Catra exhaled like she was also putting down a boulder. “Okay. Good… thank God.”
Even though it was not customary for them to show any affection in public, he pulled her into him and held her close.
“Thank God,” he murmured as he stared over his Queen’s head.
The mirror effect of the subterranean corridor made him feel as though he had tunnel vision and was on the verge of passing out.
And in the unlikely case that it was not an optical illusion, and his blood pressure was actually tanking, he piloted them to their private door.
That it was purposefully not ornate or highlighted in any way had him reflecting, not for the first time, that the simplicity of the black jambs and plain black door reflected his shellan’s natural humility.
As he entered the code and pushed, the heavy weight was a good reminder that the panel was four-inch steel, bombproof, fireproof, and impenetrable.
And when they stepped inside, he looked around their cozy residence as if he expected something to have changed given the momentous decision they were making.
The lights flaring to life across the ceiling proved everything was the same.
Those tiny LED bulbs sparkled overhead, and after Catra sat down on the black velvet sofa and turned nothing else on, he watched as she let her head fall back against the soft pillows. Her eyes scanned the pattern.
It was the night sky as it had appeared on the evening they were mated.
He had always loved that she wanted that particular display in their home. Then again, the pair of them and their love was the basis of everything, the very best part of his life, what grounded him, what made him happy.
Their daughter deserved the same. Or at least the chance to find something like what they had.
“I just can’t.” She shook her head and rearranged the golden folds of her robing. “I don’t know what we do, but when I couldn’t be totally honest with Vishous when he asked about Denne… all I could think was what the hell were we doing to our daughter.”
Yup, the syllables that had come out of his mouth to the Brother had also been nothing but forced hot air.
Which was what happened when you were trying to sell yourself on a bad fucking idea by laying it out to somebody else.
iAm walked over and sat with his shellan.
Assuming the same tilt into the velvet sofa, he measured the alignment of lights overhead, and wondered why he thought a group of disinterested dead rocks and glowing, hot balls of energy had jack shit to do with anything.
He and Catra had met and fallen in love, and yeah, sure, there had been a bunch of crap that was unusual and dangerous around them at the time, but at the core was the simple, profound alchemy that happened when you were attracted to someone you were fundamentally compatible with.
Both a miracle and a biological imperative, the miracle being the get-along part.
“So what the hell do we do now,” Catra murmured. Then she turned her head to him. “We can get more guards here for us. That will make her feel safer.”
“Or maybe it’s all wrong.” He motioned to the ceiling. “What if this is all just superstition—or worse, something that’s random, but that’s nonetheless been used for centuries not to predict the future, but determine it. Because we’ve done what we’ve told ourselves we’ve had to.”
Glancing back at her, he reached out and took his mate’s hand.
“I would have fallen in love with you the moment I saw you no matter what was in the night sky. That’s about you and me, and the universe we create when we’re together.
When I look into your eyes. When you’re naked beside me and it’s just the two of us.
That’s about you and me, not the stars.”
Her face softened and she leaned in, kissing him softly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Cupping her face, he said, “And that’s what Denne needs in her life. A chance to find this. If she signs on for that chart, and a male she’s not in love with, she’ll never have a shot at what we have. We can figure out the rest, but it starts with ending this madness.”
“I agree.”
As they fell silent, he thought about matters of safety and security.
s’Ex, the former executioner, had had an entire army at his disposal, back thirty years ago.
Those males were still in the Territory, but hadn’t been used in decades.
With Catra’s mother dead, there had been no reason to think about threats except for how they related to the humans around the boundary and all their incessant paperwork.
The sense that the war with the Lessening Society was far from the Territory had led to a complacency that he now realized he’d mistaken for safety.
“We do have the resources to defend ourselves.” In a lower voice, he added, “And I will protect you and Denne against anyone and anything. Let’s go find our daughter.”
In the chart room, Denne slapped the laptop shut and forced a smile. “I was just coming to find you.”
Over at the doorway, t’On filled the jambs, his purple robe building out the width and height of his body in a way that was abruptly threatening: With the glow from the dome streaming in behind him, he was nothing but a black outline, his face cast in shadow.
“You should not be in here with the charts,” he said.
She narrowed her eyes. Then deliberately put her palm in the center of the parchment she’d unrolled. “This is mine.”
And she was talking about so much more than the damn reading.
“No, that is the ruler of the s’Hisbe’s domain. And that is not you.”
Denne rose to her feet. Just as she was about to stride over to him, a voice echoed throughout the celestry.
“Denne?”
From over t’On’s shoulder, she could see her father walking across the floor.
“There you are,” he called out. “I’ve been looking for you.”
With a quick shift, t’On turned and bowed low. “Your Sublime Highness.”
“You okay?” It was like iAm didn’t even see the other male. “Denne?”
“I’m fine.” She pinned a smile on her face. “Just talking to my intended. We’re so excited about the big night. Aren’t we.”
As t’On bowed briefly in her direction, she sensed his eyes focusing with suspicion on her. Still, he murmured, “Yes. It is what I have been waiting for, these many years. A new era, for us all. Is there aught I may do for you, Your Highness?”
“No, I’m here for Denne.” iAm nodded to the exit. “If you don’t mind.”
At that moment, Catra entered the celestry.
t’On glanced back at the Queen. Then he inclined his torso once again. “As you wish. My pleasure.”
Then there was a pause, as though he didn’t want to go. Eventually, the Tretary turned away.
It wasn’t until the entrance opened and closed behind the male that her father moved again. And then it was only to double back and peek outside, clearly to make sure that t’On had actually left.
Abruptly, iAm returned with heavy strides, bypassing her and going to the chart. Picking it up, he tore the parchment in half—
“What are you doing!” she exclaimed.
Shaking his head, he just kept ripping. Until she leaped forward and yanked what was left out of his hands. “Have you lost your mind!”
“Yeah, I have.”
Her mother stepped into the chart room. “We both have.”
Denne dropped to her knees and started gathering up the pieces.
“You’re not doing this, Denne,” her mother said. “We’re not going to let you mate him—”
She surged up to her feet, and tried to find the words for what she’d seen in the charts as she attempted to put it back together.
Or… what she’d thought she’d seen. What if she was wrong, though?
She didn’t really know what she was talking about, and if t’On had actually manipulated everything, that was treason.
And it would get him killed.
iAm closed the screen on the laptop and pointed back at the door. “You do not love that male and this is about you and your life.”
Looking back and forth at them, she tried to stop the tears as she tangled in her head.
“We decided our destinies,” her father said roughly. “And if your mother and I need saving, or the s’Hisbe does, that’s on us. Not you. The only thing you have to do is figure out what you want for yourself, and go get it.”
Between one blink and the next, she saw Allhan’s face staring up at her as she took his body for the first time.
Everything slowed down. Her racing panic, her tumbling thoughts. The whole damn world.
“This is my life,” she whispered as she tried the concept on for size.
What do you know, it was like something clicked into place, something she had been ignoring for years.
As she spun away in a daze and drifted over to all the slots with all the charts of the living members of the s’Hisbe, she realized…
she couldn’t imagine the Territory and its traditions not existing.
Running her hands across the little boxes, she choked out, “I think I’ve always been so scared of being responsible for these people, this way of life.
” She glanced back at her parents, and focused on her mother.
“If I’ve seemed unconnected all these years, it’s really because I’m afraid I can’t live up to you and the example you set.
And what you do. And also because I can’t imagine you both not here.
But I think, although I’m not ready to be Queen yet…
I might finally be ready to accept the calling. ”
Al had opened her heart. Blown right past the lockdown she’d always imposed out of fear.
And if there was some way to have him with her? Well, then she could do anything.
Nodding at her parents, she blinked away the tears. “This is my future.”
Now, she just had to make sure they were in it.