Jasper
THE ONLY PERSON surprised by what I’d said had been Milo.
He punched at his chest, eyes glossy as he forced the food down his throat and reached for a glass of water.
I didn’t miss the way Mom’s eyes found his bandaged hand, or the way they slid to mine immediately after, looking like she was deciding whether to ask about it.
“Are we?” Milo’s voice pitched high, never giving Mom a chance to speak up if she had planned to.
“I’m already moved in,” I reasoned. “It’s closer to work and school than here, too.”
I bit into a sliced carrot, taking in the initial reactions before wading into deeper waters.
I’d have a much easier time staying calm myself if Milo weren’t on the verge of total mental collapse, but it was what it was.
Keeping our feet pressed together and our knees touching under the table kept me grounded. I hoped it would do the same for him.
“Look at us,” Blane piped up from across the table. “All grown up and stuff, leaving the nest.”
Something in my chest loosened. I was grateful for the buffer Blane provided, even if he didn’t realize it. I’d only invited him for dinner, sparing him the details on what it was really about.
Mom’s reaction was more or less what I expected.
A flicker of disappointment, before shaping into what looked like relief.
She’d known the day we all left home would come eventually, and I’d already been gone a while.
I wasn’t exactly breaking the news to her twice.
She’d cried the first time, both over the news that Milo had tried to take his life and that I was stepping up to be there for him by moving in with him until his lease was up.
I wouldn’t let myself feel bad about it. This was what I needed to do.
“I think that’s a good plan for the two of you right now.” She smiled sadly.
It made sense. We all wanted to make sure Milo didn’t go off the deep end again. That was the easy part of the conversation, the one nobody would bat an eyelash at. It was what came next that was hard, hard enough that my palms had begun to sweat.
Mom wasn’t the type of woman to abandon her children. I believed that wholeheartedly, and yet, I was still nervous. I’d meant it when I told Milo I’d run away with him if that’s what it came down to.
“Yeah,” I continued, easing into it. “It’s easier to keep an eye on him this way, too.”
Fuck.
Closer, but not enough. It shouldn’t have been so difficult to say it. I wasn’t ashamed of us—only afraid of the off chance that someone would react poorly, and he wouldn’t be able to take it. I wanted to protect him from that, too.
Milo looked like he might bolt. I could feel it in the way his leg bounced next to mine, and instinctively, I put my hand over his knee to still it, just like I did every other time.
It made things worse. He paled, his leg jerking away from mine, knocking the underside of the table.
I cursed under my breath as dinnerware rattled, the air almost too thick to breathe in.
“Do you remember when we first took Milo in?” Mom’s voice tore me away from my rapidly unravelling brother.
“Of course.” I coughed, reaching for my own water and taking a sip.
“You guys were so close that I had to pull you aside and ask if you two were dating,” she said casually. “I thought you’d tricked me into moving your boyfriend in at thirteen.”
I nearly did a spit take.
“Yeah, I remember that.” I laughed, a horrifically awkward laugh.
The water went down all wrong.
“Really?” Milo straightened up in his chair, propping his elbows up on the table.
“He was so embarrassed,” Mom teased.
She was onto us.
And worse yet, the distant memory felt damning, like my insides had been splayed out on the table for Milo to see.
My pathetic, secretive pining—something I’d tried to pretend hadn’t begun before his relationship with my childhood friend had even ended.
Everything I’d ever done under the guise of brotherly concern was suddenly exposed for what it was.
Greed.
I’d wanted him all to myself for as long as I could remember.
“That’s hilarious.” Milo smoothed a hand over his mouth, hiding what I could only assume was a smug grin.
He’d always gotten a kick out of people misconstruing our relationship.
Only now, it was different. Validating. I wondered if he’d always seen it that way—if somehow, his feelings had always mirrored my own.
Had we just forced ourselves into the same mould, both too afraid to lose the only relationship that’d ever mattered by fucking it all up with our feelings? It was time wasted.
I couldn’t waste any more.
“It’s even funnier because we are now.” The words fell out of my mouth before I could second-guess them. “Dating, I mean. We’re together now.”
Blane struggled to swallow a mouthful of food, his fork clattering onto his plate. Milo’s smile fell away, and he stuffed his hands into his lap, looking down. Mom was silent for a beat, her expression unreadable.
“For the first time?” Mom’s brow creased.
“What?” I stared, dumbfounded. “Yes, for the first time.”
She sighed.
“Finally.”
I leaned back in my chair, shoulders sagging. My heart dropped from my ribs to the pit of my stomach, all the adrenaline bleeding out of me in an instant.
“Finally?” Milo repeated.
“He was so lonely before we took you in,” Mom said softly, her voice tinged with regret. “I didn’t know how to fix it. I thought I was going to lose him.”
Milo stilled, hand still covering his mouth. I could see the way his brows drew together, his eyes glossing over.
I blinked away the traitorous sting of tears in my own eyes, my chest stuttering as I sucked in a breath and held it.
The exposure was uncomfortable. I’d spent so long keeping it to myself, trying to be as strong as I’d known Milo to be.
He dealt with so much, I never wanted to add the weight of my own problems to his.
“I’d just like to say that this is really gross,” Blane interjected, cutting through the heavy mood. “I’m glad you’re happy, but also, ew. My brothers?”
We all laughed, the vulnerable moment slipping away. I wiped under my eyes with my fingertips to hide the evidence of my emotion, adjusted my glasses, and then ran a hand through my hair. I was sweating.
“I just want my babies to be okay,” Mom reined it back in. “That’s all.”
“We are,” I assured her. “I promise.”
I reached around Milo’s back and pulled him in close by the shoulder, pressing a kiss into the loose curls on his head, my heart an open wound I couldn’t seem to close. He groaned, trying to pull away, but I held tight. I wouldn’t let him shy away from me in front of anyone ever again.
He was mine. He always had been.
And now they knew it, too.