Chapter 27 #3
He apparently expected more from me because he sauntered past his parents and raised his arms in preparation for a welcoming hug.
I scornfully glanced at his open arms before moving slightly behind Matt.
Adam was smoking pure crack cocaine if he thought he could touch any part of me.
“Ah,” His arms fell to his sides.
“It’s good to see you, Madison. And I second Stuart, you’re looking well, radiant is the word. Um, how have you been?”
I just looked at him.
“Poppet,” Matt murmured after Adam sent him a perplexed, and certainly worried, glance.
“Don’t call me that.” I replied before checking my potential escape route.
George was unfortunately stuck by the front door and Matt’s family were between me and the hallway.
“I need the bathroom.”
That cleared me a path and a volley of understanding nods from Portia and Hannah.
I added an extra few centimetres on my stride to flee the lot of them quicker.
I hit the end of the first hallway and took the corner without a backward glance.
I really did need the loo and it was easier to use one of the downstairs toilets than traipse upstairs.
“Oh my God,” I whispered, drawing to a sudden stop at the far end of the other hallway.
“What has he done to my studio?”
It was gone.
My beautiful studio was gone!
In its place was yucky furniture, and an ugly rug.
It was the Persian rug which had been carefully stored in one of the guest rooms upstairs.
Matt had once told me it was from Central Persia, something about intricate patterns, whatever…
he had gutted my studio.
I wasn’t crying, at least not on the outside.
Inside I was wailing like a banshee and curled into the foetal position.
How could he demolish my studio?
The lovely mirrored walls I used to watch myself dance in, the barre I lovingly stroked each time I entered the space…
the floor, well, something remained, albeit the yucky furniture had probably scratched and dented the wood.
I should have never agreed to come here.
How could he?
My studio was gone, erased from sight…
like I had been.
Swallowing the mix of anger and sadness down, I strengthened my resolve and went to relieve my bladder.
By the time I walked out the bathroom my mind was almost on an even keel, and with forced tranquillity, I made my way down the hallways.
One should learn from past mistakes in order to avoid them becoming future mistakes, I would try not to make the same mistakes again.
Matt was impatiently pacing as he waited for me in the first hallway.
He hurried over once he spotted me gliding towards him.
“This is a right mess,” he said, sheepish yet irritated.
“Would you like me to ask them all to leave? I’ll do it if you want me to.”
I kept walking, following Matt’s stride.
“They want to apologize,” Matt continued.
“Make amends. That’s quite admirable of them. They really aren’t to be blamed for any of this.”
I noted his contradictory behaviour: one moment threatening to kick his family out, the next defending them.
Family, you couldn’t stop loving them even if they were dicks.
“Are you hungry?” he asked as he placed one hand on my lower back and started to guide me along.
“Valerie has prepared a selection of birds, I know you’re not overly fond of duck or quail,” He sent me a cute sidelong grin.
“Or pheasant-”
“Why are you touching me?” I had stopped to ask.
His hand immediately fell away as he explained.
“Force of habit.”
“You got rid of my studio.” I hadn’t been intending to raise the issue but damn, it hurt seeing the studio gone.
“I know I don’t live here anymore, and of course, you’re going to get rid of it because you’re not going to need a dance studio,” I peered up at him.
“But it was a present from you to me and I really loved my studio.” I felt the lump building in my throat.
Matt observed me, not saying a word, and I felt bad for even bringing it up now.
It was his bloody house.
“Forget I said anything,” I resumed walking.
“And the pheasant is fine.”
Matt grabbed my hand, pulling me to a stop and saying, “I thought you had cheated on me, poppet,” He scowled for a second.
“And I know you don’t like me calling you that but,”
“Force of habit.” I understood, it was similar to the touching thing.
Heck, the memory of clutching his arm earlier reminded me I was guilty of it too.
“I was angry,” he continued.
“I was so bloody angry and I didn’t want any reminders of you around.” Matt laced his fingers through mine and I didn’t resist.
“Do you hate me?”
I shook my head, then nodded.
“A bit.”
Matt managed a smile.
“I hated you too.”
“Not enough to stop protecting me though,” I squeezed his fingers.
“With Kincaid, with Christine. Why did you do that? Was it only to avoid the bad press of being associated with me?”
“No.” he said and didn’t elaborate any further.
I was getting lost in his grey eyes, the hallway seemed to have disappeared and it was hard to ignore the heat of his fingers interlaced with mine.
I had always loved his hands.
Why wasn’t he saying anything?
Maybe I should say something?
God.
Matt looked his usual fine self in work clothes.
He smelt delicious too, I needed to stop breathing so deeply before I got hooked again.
There was no stubble on his face, I was thankful for his smooth, clean-shaven jawline.
His stubble was my kryptonite.
Oh crap…
horny.
I was horny as hell and standing next to my ex-husband made me hornier.
Matt’s gaze was fixated on my lips, I belatedly realized my tongue was already leaving a moist path over them.
Damn, I was salivating as if in heat.
Matt tugged on my hand.
“Poppet,”
Why did he have to use that low, husky voice?
Fuck it.
I would hate myself tomorrow for making this mistake.
“Mmph,” His smothered grunt was caused by me smashing my mouth into his and it didn’t take more than a few seconds before we were snogging like crazy against the wall.
“So horny,” I groaned against his lips.
Matt started kissing the corner of my mouth before trailing over my cheek as he sank a hand into my curls.
“You have no idea,”
“Mmm,” I murmured, then squeaked when he licked my neck.
“No one wants to sleep with a pregnant lady,” My hands were wildly running up and down the front of his shirt.
Bloody clothes.
“This doesn’t mean anything.”
“Understood. We’re both horny,” Matt was nibbling on my ear while his fingers were making short work of the buttons on my jeans.
“It’s been so long, poppet.”
“Someone might see,” The burst of clarity was fleeting as Matt slid a hand down the front of my jeans.
“Matt – oh God,”
He could probably feel the heat coming from me.
He definitely felt the moisture pooling in my panties.
“Oh sweetheart,” Matt let out a throaty moan.
“Mmm, the office is close.”
It was back down the hallway by my non-existent studio, much too far away.
We were frantically kissing again, this time my hands were wandering at will through his hair while he rubbed his fingers against my-
“Music room,” I gushed as my body tightened in desire.
“It’s closer…never use it…harder.”
He willingly applied a touch more force and I could feel the tiny spasms building between my legs.
Matt’s other hand slipped down my side then he froze and abruptly jerked back.
“Wh-what?” I twisted my head sideways, sure we’d been caught and hoping it was anyone but Grumps.
No one besides us were in the hallway.
Hungry for his touch I tried to reclaim the space between us even as Matt pulled his hand out from my jeans.
“Don’t stop,” I whimpered, partly confused, mostly horny.
“I can’t.” Matt took a few steps back, he was looking at me as if I’d grown two heads.
Two ginormous, ugly heads.
“What? It doesn’t mean anything,” I stalked his hunky frame.
“What do you mean you can’t ?” My hand stretched out and closed over his blatant erection.
“You can, trust me, you definitely can.”
Matt grabbed my hand, pulling it away from his yummy man junk.
He glared at me, I think it was in frustration.
“Matt,” I hissed.
“Why are you stopping? Come on, please. Help a girl out.”
“I. Can’t.” he enunciated.
His grip on my hand tightened reflexively before it gentled and he released me.
With a sickly shade of green creeping into his face, he hissed right back.
“I felt them, one of them kicked. I can’t do it.”
I waved a hand through the air, I had felt the movement also.
“It’s nothing, ignore it. Let’s,” I made some hand gestures to get my point across.
“Ok? Before my buzz goes and I start thinking clearly. We should, yeah, let’s do it.”
Matt was aghast.
The sickly shade of green disappeared, leaving his skin pale.
He shook his head in disbelief.
“Are you insane? I can’t do that with them inside you. What if I,” He took a ragged breath.
“I don’t want to poke them.”
I blinked then burst out laughing.
“Stop bloody laughing,” Matt growled.
“It’s not funny.”
“It’s not that late in my pregnancy where it’s a problem and you’re not that big, Matt,” I gasped out between my laughter.
“No normal man is, maybe a porn star-”
Matt gave me a hard look, a hard insulted look, a very offended male ‘do-you-want-me-get-the-measuring-tape-out-to-prove-how- big-my-dick-is’ look.
“I’m big enough and I’m not risking it. They must be completely cramped in there already.”
“Matt,” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“And I don’t want my unborn children being traumatized,” Matt was deadly serious.
“I’m not comfortable with this. I don’t want to do it.”
I bent my head and stared at the carpet for a moment before raising incredulous eyes to his belligerent face.
“Are you kidding me? It’s fine. Loads of people do it. I can’t believe – you got me all hot and bothered and now you’re backing out? Are you serious right now? I’m pregnant, Matt,”
“I know that,” he retorted.
“And horny,” I fumed.
“Evidently,” Matt was acting as if he didn’t just have a hand down my jeans.
“Nobody else is going to shag me.” I started re-buttoning my jeans.
“You don’t know how hard this is. It’s the hormones I think, I’ve been feeling horny a lot. Nobody wants sex with a pregnant woman, unless it’s one of those fetish websites,”
“You’ve already checked it out?” Matt yelled in surprise.
“What? No. Don’t be stupid.” I sucked my teeth in exasperation and refrained from punching him.
“The only choice is between the weirdos,”
Matt glowered at me.
“Or the person who knocked you up in the first place,” I said, full of self-righteous indignation.
“Those are the only people who will shag a pregnant lady.”
Folding his arms over his chest, Matt arched an eyebrow.
I remembered that look.
It was filed under ‘you’re crazy and I’m going to ignore you’ in my mind.
“I am not having sex with you, Madison. It’s not happening. Are we clear?”
A light cough had us both spinning around.
William Jr had just come around the corner.
“The food is being served, son.” William smiled at us both.
“Grumps decided not to wait.” His grin widened further.
“And ever so often a man needs to reassess his principles.”
“We’ll be there shortly.” Matt choked out while I slumped against the wall.
We watched him vanish around the corner then turned to each other.
The corners of Matt’s mouth were quivering as he fought a smile.
“Do you think he heard everything?” I asked with dread.
“I don’t know.” Matt leaned into me, cupping my chin with his fingers and bending his head to press a brief kiss to my mouth.
“What I do know is this: we’re divorced with twins on the way. I fucked up,” He sighed.
“We both fucked up. It’s a complicated mess but,”
I held my breath, mesmerized by his gaze.
“But I love you,” He brushed his fingers up my cheek while his other hand gently palmed my stomach.
“I never stopped loving you and I want you back.”
My lungs burned and I took a ragged breath.
“I don’t know if-”
He tenderly ran his index finger over my lips.
“We can only try, poppet. Give us another chance. Give me another chance with you.”
He kissed me again, taking his sweet time much to my delight.
When we broke apart he winked at me and I bit my lower lip, fighting the instinctive giggle.
“Think about it?” he asked while taking a firm hold of my hand once more.
I gave him a shy nod, conflicted but unfortunately in love.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
You can’t just flip a switch and stop loving someone, love didn’t work that way.
“Let’s go eat,” Matt started us down the hallway.
“And you should try to enjoy this moment. God only knows if my family will ever be so humble before you again.”
Hmm.
He did have a point there.
“Keep Grumps away from me.” I warned.
“And Adam. I don’t want to get arrested for assault.”
Matt lightly rubbed his thumb over my knuckles.
“Grumps is being a meddling arse. He’s actually looking forward to their arrival.”
“Right.” The sarcasm was thick in my voice.
“He is.” Matt assured me.
“He’s upset with the girls and thinks they are a lost cause now. He believes the new babies will be a fresh start.”
“Fresh start for what?” I queried with building trepidation.
“Don’t worry,” Matt picked up on the worry in my voice.
“I won’t let him brainwash them, not much anyway. Hannah, Adam and I turned out alright.”
Biting my tongue I decided then and there Grumps would have limited time with my children.
He would probably live forever…
I didn’t want them being influenced by that dragon of a man.
“I’m sorry about your studio,” he added as we walked.
“But I have something of yours which will make you feel much better.”
Curious, I tilted my head sideways to see his face.
“Of mine? What is it?”
“Your memory box.” he replied softly.
My feet stopped moving.
“You found it? Can I- my box is here?”
Matt turned to face me, nodding in answer to my breathless questions.
“I found it after that day – do you remember when you came by to drop off the jewellery?”
“You’ve kept it for that long?” I was aghast, then understandably angry as I yanked my hand free of his.
“Do you know how terrible that was for me? Believing it was gone forever. Damn it, Matt. You are such a mean bastard. How could you do that to me?”
He rubbed the back of his neck, bravely holding my hard gaze.
“I’m not proud of myself.”
“You,” I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to call him a fucker.
“I want my box back.”
“Yes, of course.” he agreed, notably shamed and uncertain.
“I wanted to return it, but-”
“But you didn’t.” I cut him off.
“It was like losing them all over again! How could you?”
Matt swallowed, his eyes dropped to my stomach.
“We’ve both hurt each other,”
“You more than me.” I complained harshly.
“You caused all of this because you didn’t love me enough-”
“That’s not true.” Matt growled as he reached for my hand.
I shoved it behind my back and scowled at him.
He sighed out loud and ran a hand through his hair.
“I was wrong, I admit to being a complete arse, but I love you and I will do anything you ask of me to make this right.”
I shook my head.
There was nothing he could do to erase the pain his actions had caused.
Matt had never hid the fact from me that he could be a bastard, hell, it was that cutthroat trait which helped him succeed.
The ability to strike where your enemy was weakest, to obliterate them before they defeated you…
Matt and his family were bred on values such as those.
I didn’t want that for my children.
I didn’t want them growing up thinking cruelty was a valid tool in their arsenal to navigate life.
“Madi,” Matt’s low, pained voice made my heart ache.
I didn’t know if it ached for him or for me.
“I can forgive a lot of things, Matt.” I replied with a quiet intensity.
“I’m standing in this hallway with you right now because I’m willing to put the past aside, to stop dwelling on the mistakes we made,” Holding his gaze, I shook my head again.
“But this, I don’t know if I can forgive you for this. You deliberately kept it from me, let me believe it was lost forever, the only thing I have of them,” I needed a second to breathe past the remembered hurt.
Matt’s expression was stark and I knew exactly what was going through his mind in that moment, it was plain to see on his face.
“I’m not going to storm out of here, Matt.” I reassured him.
“I’m not going to punish you by holding our children ransom, but I will never forget this. I want you to know that. Ok?”
He nodded, accepting it.
“Ok. I understand.”
“Good.” I muttered.
“Let’s just get this dinner thing over with.”
Matt held his hand out, a tentative but hopeful smile on his face.
I stared at his hand for a while, still angry and wanting some form of retribution for all the shit he had put me through.
I couldn’t take his hand, not in that moment.
His hand returned to his side and his hopeful smile turned into a bitter one.
Honestly, I didn’t know if we could do this.
The sudden movement within my womb reminded me of what was important.
Pushing my resentment aside, I slipped my hand around his upper arm and gave him a little shrug.
“It’s not like I didn’t already know how much of a cold bastard you could be.”
Matt stiffened then we resumed walking.
He kept giving me sidelong glances as we headed for the dining room.
Before we entered the room and faced his family, Matt turned into me and placed a hand on the rise of my stomach.
“I will make it up to you. I promise.” he said.
The frown between his eyebrows wasn’t one of anger.
He was willing me to believe him, it was a determined frown.
I gently removed his hand off my stomach and said, “Let’s get through dinner.” If we could make it through this family dinner without someone ending up hospitalized, I was thinking either Adam or Grumps, then anything was possible.