Chapter 20 #2
So potent was the power of Matt’s facial hair that even though his lips moved as he spoke, for the life of me all I could hear was a bow-chicka-wow-wow theme song in my head.
The sort of tune you only hear in bad pornos.
Not that I was an expert on the soundtrack of these movies.
Damn it.
What was wrong with me?
“I’m sorry, what?” Finally, I wrested myself from under the SSS and tried to appear normal.
Matt’s mouth tightened at the corners.
I could have sworn he was fighting a smile.
“I asked if you were heading out,” he repeated slowly, for my benefit I’m sure.
“You’re dressed up.”
Where I had been surreptitious in my oogling, or so I told myself; Matt’s scrutiny was blatant and made me fidget in my heels.
“I am,” came my reply.
Then we both fell silent.
It was uncomfortable to say the least.
What did one do in this situation?
We were still married, separated, but still legally joined.
I chewed my lower lip then said, “Um, thanks for letting me know it was Christine who blabbed to the media. Dante was furious. They broke up.”
“Where is Dante?” Matt queried, his gaze rested on the hamper full of clothes that I should have taken upstairs ages ago.
The stripped sweater on the top was patently male.
“In Amsterdam for the weekend with the guys,” I supplied, glad the awkward silence was being kept at bay.
“Would you like something to drink?”
Matt arched an eyebrow at my high-pitched offer of refreshment.
“I don’t want to keep you from whatever you have planned.”
“It’s fine.” I gushed.
“And the least I can do, considering you found out who was leaking stuff to the press,” I wrapped my arms around my stomach.
“Not that it matters now,” My words trailed off.
Someone shoot me now.
“Because we’re, um, not together anymore,”
“A cup of tea would be nice,” Matt replied.
If he found my behaviour erratic, he gave no outward show of it.
“Ok, great,” I said in that ridiculous cheery tone.
Oh God, please help.
I had decided in the time it took to make the trip to the kitchen with Matt not far behind my steps, that it was in fact a sign from God and not karma.
So what did I do now?
Put the damn cell down and make the tea .
With shaking hands, I went about brewing a pot of tea under Matt’s silent gaze.
“Dante is still staying here then.” Matt walked over to the kitchen table, straightening the vase of flowers in the middle.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
Needing to avoid looking at him and falling under the SSS while the tea brewed, I busied myself with getting cups out.
That didn’t take long, so I got the matching saucers out too.
“Although I think he’s planning on buying somewhere. He’s not said anything as yet but I caught him checking out one of those property websites.” I could no longer politely get away with staring at my cupboards.
Turning to face my estranged husband, I plastered a smile on my face.
“Mmm,” Matt absentmindedly neatened up the three dance books discarded on the table.
“Prices have been steadily rising again, and everyone knows it’s near impossible for the average first-time buyers to get their feet on the property ladder in London, most are resigned to renting.”
“It depends,” I had to keep the conversation going while I thought of the best way to bring up our problems.
Maybe this was my chance to fix things between us, maybe we could actually communicate like grown-ups and realize it had all been a horrible misunderstanding.
And he looked so good, delicious to be precise.
I wondered if he could also rock a man-bun.
Yeah, I could definitely see him with long silky locks pulled atop his head.
Matt snorted in amusement, then he glanced at my purse.
His beautiful eyes narrowed into slits before he raised those well-defined eyebrows at me.
“Depends on what?”
“Where you’re looking,” I explained.
“Yes, I’m sure anyone can find a bargain in and around London.” he mocked.
“You do know even renting from those council and housings associations is unaffordable to people on low incomes, far less buying, and this is council housing we’re talking about,”
“Well,” I interrupted.
“It’s a good thing he isn’t on a low income then. We do own a ballet company, a successful one at that.”
Matt almost rolled his eyes, almost.
He was lucky he had the stubble thing going on, otherwise I might have said something bad.
I should just bring up our estrangement before I said something stupid.
Licking my lips, I peered nervously at him while he glowered at my purse again.
“Matt,”
He looked over at me, hearing the tentative softness of my tone.
“I swear I didn’t che-”
“Don’t.” Matt cut me off, his whole body stiffened as the grey of his eyes darkened in anger.
“I don’t want to hear it, Madison.”
“You haven’t even let me finished,” I said, forgetting about the tea.
“You don’t need to,” he dragged out.
“And I certainly don’t want to hear whatever ludicrous excuses you’ve thought up to justify your infidelity.”
“I. Didn’t. Cheat.” Ok.
That was a shout, this wasn’t going to end well.
Matt glared at me.
“You know, if you had the slightest bit of decency to admit your actions, I might have been willing to listen to your reasons, bloody hell, I’d respect you more than I do right at this moment,” His glare got even fiercer as he sent another look at my purse.
“Who knows? I might have even entertained the thought of perhaps trying to work things out,” Unclenching his fists, Matt leaned forward and pressed his hands, palms down, on top the table.
“But you continue to deny it when we both know it’s the truth, you just can’t stop lying.”
“I’m not lying and it’s not the truth,” My yelling continued.
“I used to think you were so clever but you’re really an idiot. Those pictures were fake.”
“Fake my arse.” he yelled back.
“They were authenticated.”
I rolled my eyes and waved my hand wildly about.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You said they were checked out. How do I know you’re not behind this?”
Dante’s earlier suspicions I had discounted suddenly started making sense to me in my irate state.
Matt’s mouth hung wide open for a second, his eyebrows had shot straight up.
“What? Beg pardon?”
“Yeah, I said it,” the decibels of my voice had dropped into a low snarly sort of tone.
“For all I know, this could be some elaborate scheme of yours to get rid of me,” My face twisted into a derisive sneer.
“I never did sign a pre or postnuptial agreement, did I?”
Matt inhaled sharply, the skin of his cheeks was slowly getting redder with each passing second then he let rip.
“You’re insane. Completely and utterly insane.”
“Makes sense to me,” I retorted.
“You wanted out of our marriage and instead of being a real man who used real words to say this isn’t working, you chose the coward’s way out and fabricated evidence of my infidelity so you could screw me out of a divorce settlement. I watch tv! People do crazy stuff like that all the time, especially wealthy people.”
Matt just blinked incredulously at me.
Huh.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.
Surely this was not going to end well.
“You and I both know that is not what happened,” His scathing tone didn’t scare me.
Nuh uh, not one bit.
“Really?” I scorned.
“Well I know I didn’t do anything wrong, and you found my replacement pretty quick. I saw the pictures on the net. You and some big-boobed beauty at a function.” Thinking of that photo made my heart hurt.
“You were practically groping her butt. How long have you been seeing her ? Feeling her up in front of everyone. We’re still married, you jerk.”
“She’s an associate of mine who kindly accompanied me to an event and I did nothing of the sort,” Matt snarled.
“You’re one to talk. Why the fuck do you have condoms in your bag?”
Oh.
Ah , that’s why he’d been looking at my purse.
“I haven’t used any, and stop invading my privacy.”
“I’m not invading anything. It’s right there in the open.” Matt started to approach me then stopped mid-stride.
I think he realized us being near each other was not a good thing.
Maybe he remembered he was in my house and I could probably get away with killing him by claiming self-defence.
Ha!
His next words were cutting though, sharper than the knife I was already envisioning stuck in his back with my hand wrapped around the handle.
“At least you’re being careful while you screw around, we should all be thankful for that. What I’m not thankful for was my health being put at risk. You’re damned lucky my tests came back clean.”
How bloody dare he.
How dare he stand in my kitchen and speak to me like that.
And he’d gotten himself tested because he thought I-
“Argh!” I threw my hands up in the air, frustrated beyond measure.
There was no changing his mind about this.
He believed without a doubt I was guilty.
“I can’t wait until this year is over and you’re out of my life.”
“The feeling is mutual.” he snapped back.
“You’re so up your own ass, you can’t see the woods for the trees.” I hoped that insult burned, I couldn’t think up a better one in my addled state.
“I don’t know what I ever saw in you.”
“We’re in England, it’s pronounced ‘arse’ and I can think of a few things,” Matt said coldly.
I knew exactly what he was insinuating.
Fucking gazillionaire.
It always came back to the money with these people.
“I hope you’re happy with that brunette,” I needled, wanting to hurt him back.
“She looks like she can’t string two words together, the conversation must be scintillating,” I flicked my curls over one shoulder.
“She’s a very competent C.O.O of a multi-national corporation and you sound jealous,” his saccharine tone had me seeing red.
I was jealous, damn him to hell, him and that stupid scruffy stubble of his.
It was the newer and improved version of SSS, forget sexy stubble spell.
I was gaining immunity.
“Please. I wouldn’t take you back if you were the last man on earth and the continuation of mankind was dependant on us.”
“Ha.” His exclamation made me jump.
“That’s rich coming from you. You don’t even want children.”
I couldn’t deny the fact.
He was right, I didn’t want kids.
But hell if I was going to let him have the last word.
“You never listened to me, Matt. It was always ‘your way or the highway’. I honestly don’t care anymore,” Weeks of pent up confusion, hurt, and anger came pouring from my lips.
“We were fooling ourselves into believing a marriage would ever work. How can you stand there so self-righteously as if you’re a saint? You obviously had no faith in me, you consistently subjected me to mental torture ,” Ok, maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but he had made me feel quite bad after the Dougie incident.
“And, and you took my bodyguard away when we split up! I never wanted one or actually spoke to him, he lurked in the shadows which freaked me out. Mental torture, see…but still, it’s the principle involved. You promised to always put me first and I did everything you wanted-”
“Mental torture? You- I swear- Bollocks,” his enraged shout stopped me in my tracks and his eyes raked over me with savage contempt.
“All I wanted was for you to love me forever but you couldn’t do that. You just couldn’t keep your bloody knickers on, could you?”
I had no answer to give.
What was the point?
The more I denied it, the angrier he got.
What was that Shakespeare quote from Hamlet?
Ah, yes: ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks’.
The more I protested my innocence, the less inclined Matt was to believe me.
We scowled at each other.
Matt was unwilling to bend, and I was too tired to care.
If this was a sign from God, I got the message loud and clear.
I should not have gotten married.
“You’re not even Christian,” I mumbled, as if that proved anything more than the undeniable fact my thought process was not firing on all cylinders at present.
Matt rubbed his hands over his face and through his wavy hair; vigorous, frustrated.
Then he took a deep breath and said, “I think I should leave.”
“I agree wholeheartedly, Matt.” Turning in my heels, I stalked out the kitchen.
Again, he was close behind me.
I was already planning how to deliver my final verbal jab.
I would open my door then demand my keys back with such blistering contempt he would know I was over it.
Over him.
When I got to the front door things didn’t go as planned.
My hand did land on the door handle, and I did crack the door open a couple of inches.
But then I felt him behind me, not touching, but close enough for me to feel the heat from his body.
And his hand, oh I missed his hands; one of his hands landed on the wall next to the partially opened door.
I froze, unsure of what was happening and too scared to move.
The air whispered past my lips in a sigh when he pressed himself against my back, and I melted.
There was no other way to explain it, I melted into him.
Another feathery sound escaped me when his other hand made its way to my hip before sliding across my stomach.
My breathing was raspy now, and so was Matt’s.
I didn’t care about the why, couldn’t give a rat’s ass we were just shouting at each other.
All my brain could focus on was the sensation of him pressed against me.
His hand was no longer flat against the wall, it had now crept over to push the door closed.
Matt spun me around to face him and that blasted stubble made me weak in the knees as I watched him from wide eyes.
I had fallen prey to his sexy stubble spell once more.
We stared at each other; I was still unsure, but Matt’s expression showed only raw desire.
God help me.
Never breaking eye contact he leaned in.
Slow enough to give me a chance to twist my head away from the certain kiss he was about to lay on me.
I thought about turning away, for all of a nanosecond.
Turn away from his lips?
I was stupid, but not that stupid, and his stubble kisses were amazing.
Shame I didn’t actually get one.
Matt lowered his face until his nose brushed my neck, then he inhaled deeply.
If the door wasn’t behind me, I would have promptly fallen to the floor from the sensations it evoked.
When he pressed a light kiss across my skin, well, my brain shut down and I started operating on pure instincts.
My hands which had been clenched were suddenly tugging his t-shirt free, while his hands were roughly lifting up my dress as he continued to nibble on my neck.
Exactly how his jeans ended up undone, and me hoisted up against the door with my legs wrapped around his waist was a fuzzy process.
Matt’s touch was lethal, there was no defence against it.
I said nothing as he held me up with one arm while shoving his jeans halfway down his thighs.
I said nothing when he yanked my panties to the side while blazing a trail of scorching kisses across my cheek until finally claiming my lips with his own.
I said sweet fuck all when his hardness brushed against my slick entrance before he eased into my body with a deep groan.
I said nothing, but the noises coming from me were answer enough.
The feel of him stretching my flesh to accommodate his length and girth was downright heavenly.
The first determined stroke from him, pure ecstasy.
The low ragged moan that escaped his lips heightened my desire in such a way I could only breathlessly echo the sound.
This was a new experience, getting shagged against my front door.
Of course, I was coming before Matt even finished his seventh stroke.
Embarrassing, yes, but I blamed it on weeks of celibacy.
Plus his stroke game was exquisite, I had nothing to compare it too, but that didn’t matter.
He was a sex-god.
Crying out in pleasure, my hands dug into his shoulders as I shuddered between the heat of his flesh and the hard wood pressing against my back.
Matt caught my lower lip between his teeth, giving a not-so-gentle nip that elicited a husky whimper from me.
Balancing me in his arms he shuffled walked us over to the couch where he dropped to his knees and deposited me on the cushions.
An unhappy frown graced my lips at the separation of our bodies.
Wait, what in the hell were we doing?
Matt’s hands were busy tugging on the ties for my dress.
All that time spent practising earlier was for naught as he manhandled the material open.
The look on his face was a dark one as his gaze travelled my still shaking form.
I wanted to say something, to question the wisdom of what we were doing; but he lowered his mouth to my lace-covered breasts and logic went out the window.
Moist.
Warm.
So damn good .
Those were the only thoughts in my mind while Matt sucked and gently bit on my hardened nipples through my bra.
His hands were almost frantic in their journey over my body, and mine were lost in the thickness of his hair.
A soft groan came from me when I felt his fingers, rough with intent, tugging my underwear off.
Matt raised his head from my aching right nipple and began to lick his way downwards.
Another groan fell from my lips as I instinctively arched my body towards him.
Keeping his eyes on me, he grabbed my thighs and spread my legs forcefully.
Lightly tracing the top of my stockings with his thumbs, he bent his head.
The first touch of his mouth over my throbbing flesh had me jerking upright.
One of his hands shot up to push me back against the couch and he flicked his extremely talented tongue exactly where it was needed.
My eyelids slipped closed after a few deft swipes of his tongue, then he stopped.
What- why ?
Opening my eyes in confusion, I peered down at his face nestled between my legs.
Holding my gaze his tongue resumed its task.
A hoarse sigh of delight was all I could muster and my eyelids fluttered before closing once more.
Matt stopped again!
Christ almighty.
Why?
I opened my eyes and glared at him, to which he arched an eyebrow before swirling his tongue over my flesh then sucking gently.
Ok.
I understood.
Eyes open and on him equalled love licking.
Closed eyes got me nothing.
Right.
I was on board now, but it was hard work.
Every touch of his lips and tongue had me gasping out, had my muscles clenched tightly as he pleasured me at his leisure.
After my second orgasm, Matt stripped off his clothes, and keeping my legs wide open; he eased his hard flesh inside me.
His gaze never wavered from mine, and if I dared close my eyes he would stop.
Needless to say, I kept those peepers open.
It was weird.
Great, physically satisfying; yet weird.
The only sounds were our combined moans of pleasure; no murmurs of love, of soft worship.
Matt said nothing, and I feared if I uttered a word he would disappear like in my dreams.
So I allowed the gasps, the carnal cries, the high-pitched screams when we both climaxed violently.
But no words left my lips.
He collapsed on top of me, his breaths ragged against my neck, skin flushed and covered in a light sheen of perspiration.
Tentatively, I raised my hand to his head.
Sinking my fingers in his hair I relaxed only when he sighed softly.
We stayed like that for a while.
Both silent as I ran one hand through his now unkempt locks and stroked his back with the other.
Then he shifted and took the familiar feel and heat of his body away from mine, leaving me bereft.
Flustered and uncertain, I observed him as he rose to his feet.
What had we done?
Well, it was obvious what we’d just done, but why had we done it?
Matt ran both hands through his hair before he looked down at me.
I closed my legs and looked away, perhaps ashamed.
I honestly didn’t know how to feel.
From my peripheral vision his hand moved, held out towards me.
My gaze returned to his face.