Chapter 18
EDDIE AND I had finished a complicated pas de deux, an exquisite piece of choreography Dante and I had worked on especially for our upcoming main production. The entrée began the way the coda ended, vibrant yet achingly beautiful. The adagio we needed to mesh better on, but our solo variations…goddamn, it was the stuff dreams were made of. Entrée, adagio, two variations and the coda. My pas de deux with Eddie rocked. Usually a pas de deux took place between the two main principals, but Dante and I had decided that to truly convey what we wanted in The Ice Queen and Princess, we needed to create that physical connection between the four main characters of the show: Bri, Eddie, Dante and I.
“Sweet cheeks, the adagio needs work,” Dante called from across the stage where he and Bri paused in their movements. I nodded, exhausted, and hurting in places I didn’t know existed on my body. But back to the pas de deux. The one I had with Dante would be the show stopper, the one that would prove to everyone what we were capable of. It was going to be epic. All I had to do was make sure we sold enough tickets and got the right people in to review the production. I prayed silently it would be a sell-out. Oh, man, I prayed.
“How late are we staying?” Eddie asked, rubbing a tired hand across his face. I looked over at Dante, my mouth curling down at the edges. Tomorrow was the day I dreaded above all others. My face hurt from trying to keep it empty, to not reveal the growing terror inside me. The bottomless pit of fearful memories. My child-like screams of despair. The battle with that fucking seatbelt that held me prisoner while my beloved parents died before my eyes. God. I didn’t want the nightmare. Hence, the intense dance session today, my forced wakefulness…Sunday night had been the last time I slept. If I drove myself into the ground, to the point of sheer exhaustion, then, tomorrow after the trip to the cemetery, when I crashed there would be no dreams. My mind would be too fatigued to dream. And my shameful secret would leave me in peace.
“Why don’t you guys head home?” I offered with a small smile. “It’s what? Nine?”
“Ten thirty, Madi,” Bri advised, stretching her upper body. “We’ve been going at it since nine this morning.”
I sighed and nodded. After taking Bret and Marie-Sol to the airport, Matt’s driver had brought Dante and me to work. I think he was still parked outside my building in the limo. I made a mental note to ask Matt if he owned the damned thing or whether it was a rental. It would be embarrassing if he owned a freaking limo. Where would he keep the damned thing?
“Okay,” Dante agreed, coming closer to me. “You two head home. Madi and I will lock up. Eddie, I need you to run the practice tomorrow with the others. Madi and I won’t be in.”
Bri chewed her lower lip, eyes peering worriedly at me. In the three years my dance company had been running, Dante and I always went AWOL on the fifteenth of October. No one knew why, and they were too polite to ask. When the stupid media had found out about my relationship with Matt, my business—my painful business had been splashed across the papers and the Internet. Their deaths were no longer my private pain. Now everyone I worked with knew what the fifteenth of October meant to me.
I turned away from them to grab my discarded face towel at the edge of the stage. I could get through it. I would get through it. But it felt like being on a merry-go-round. There was no way to get off the ride, even when you felt sick from too much cotton candy and soda pop, even when you screamed at the operator to please stop. My life felt like a merry-go-round.
Eddie and Bri said their good nights and, with pitying backward glances at me, they walked off the stage.
“Want to free style, sweet cheeks?” Dante asked quietly.
I shrugged, cracking open my half-drunk bottle of water and taking a few sips. I couldn’t remember if I’d eaten today. Ah well.
“Sure, D. Whatever you want to do, I’m game,” I replied. My mouth widened by reflex, the little fake smile I’d been wearing most of the day back in place.
“What time do you want to go?” he asked softly.
I shrugged. “I don’t care.”
He nodded, the pity on his face was so raw I had to turn away. We fell silent for a few minutes, then Dante came up behind me and rested his hands over my aching shoulders, slowly working the knots out.
“It’s one day, sweet cheeks. One day of the year that’ll be over before you know it.”
“It was over before I knew it,” I mumbled back. “It was…so quick, but it felt like, like forever. I remember her, Dante. I remember her calling to me. Everyone said, they all told me that they died instantly, that they didn’t suffer.” My throat closed up, but I forced the words out. “But I knew the truth. They didn’t die instantly. I heard her call out to me, and I couldn’t get to her. Daddy was—I couldn’t get to them. I couldn’t save them.” My voice trailed off into a hoarse whisper.
Dante spun me around and held me close. “You were six, Madison DuMont. It wasn’t your fault. Goddamn it, Madi.” His voice got gruff with pain, pain for me. “When are you gonna get it through that thick skull of yours? It wasn’t your fault. You were a child. What the fuck could you do? Huh?”
“Save them,” I whispered into his chest and he hugged me tighter. We stood like that for a long while until my cell peeled out in the silent auditorium. Normally it was on silent, but Matt had made me put the ringer on. I knew it was probably him, either him or my aunt. The only other person who would call me at this time of night was holding me in his arms.
With a tired sigh I pulled away and limped over to the edge of the stage to get my cell.
“Hey,” I said in greeting.
“Madi, you’re still at the studio.” Matt got straight to the point.
“How do you know that?” I asked in surprise.
“I called Daniel to check if he dropped you home, and he advised me he was out front of your premises,” Matt replied in a carefully bland voice. He obviously didn’t want me to hear in his tone how he felt at the moment.
“I told him he could leave hours ago, Matt. I didn’t expect him to hang around for this length of time,” I said in a voice as empty as his.
“He’s left now, and I’m on my way there to pick you up. I should arrive in twenty minutes.”
“Matt—”
“Twenty minutes, poppet. I’ll see you soon. Bye.” He ended the call.
“You okay, sweet cheeks?” Dante asked as I stared at the cell in my hand. I nodded slowly, too tired to care about Matt’s domineering behaviour. Too tired to care about anything.
“Matt’s on his way here. Guess we won’t be staying late after all. Can you get the stage lights? I—I’m going to change into my sneakers, then wait out front to let him in. I’ll check the back locks and windows first though.”
With sadness etched on his handsome features, Dante nodded in agreement. “Okay, sweet cheeks.”
I walked off the stage feeling numb. I liked the numbness, it made everything easier to deal with. I wandered around my building, going through the motions as I checked the back entrance and made sure the windows were secured. By the time I walked to the front entrance, Matt was impatiently knocking on the glass door.
“You look terrible,” were the first words out his mouth when he strode in, closing the door behind him.
“Gee, thanks, hon,” I muttered with my fake smile in place. “Every woman wants to hear that from her boyfriend.”
Matt frowned at me as he pulled me into his arms. His clothes were cold from the late night air, but his body heat seeped through, mingling with mine. “It’s the truth, poppet. You look exhausted. Did you not get much sleep last night?”
I shook my head against his chest, allowing myself a moment of comfort, a moment of peace. It was scary. Being in his arms brought me peace.
“I’ve not slept since Sunday night,” I replied closing my eyes for a second as I inhaled his scent deeply.
“What?” Matt jerked back, a hand rising to cup my chin while he peered intently at my weary face. “Why in the bloody—”
“Hey, man,” Dante said, coming out from the hallway. “How’s things?”
Matt tore his gaze from my face to look at Dante. “Fine, thank you.” He turned back to me. “I’m taking you home right now. Where’s your stuff?”
“In the office,” I replied, reluctantly pulling away from his strong arms. “I’ll go get it.”
“Okay, poppet,” Matt said, gaze intent on my face. His jaw clenched for a moment, then he looked over at Dante. “Do you need me to drop you off somewhere?”
“Matt,” I began, knowing he wouldn’t be pleased, but too damned numb to stress over it. “Dante’s staying over at mine tonight. He always—” I broke off, giving Dante helpless eyes.
He ran a hand over his braided hair and smiled at me. Matt, always observant, saw Dante’s and my non-verbal exchange.
“Fine, whatever. Let’s go,” Matt said curtly.
I rubbed the back of my neck and moved towards Dante. The both of us headed back down the hallway to our office. Dante eyed the flowers on the desk. They’d been delivered earlier and I couldn’t bring myself to touch them, not yet.
“Where’s your stuff, D?” I asked, while grabbing my bag.
“In the changing rooms.”
I nodded, glancing at the two large bouquets of flowers with trepidation. “I’ll go get it. Can you take those out to the car for me?”
“Of course, sweet cheeks,” he murmured.
I turned on my heels and exited the office, leaving Dante to deal with the flowers. Inside the changing rooms, I took a second to breathe. In and out. My eyes wandered over the medium-sized room. It could do with a lick of paint, maybe new doors on the lockers. That damp patch on the ceiling definitely needed sorting. I hated the flooring in here, maybe in the near future it could be changed. I ran through all the jobs that needed doing in my head. The list was long and perpetually growing. The running costs for my building was immense, and the mortgage on this place…shit. Thinking about the amount I owed made me feel sick to the stomach. I held onto the worry, clutched it to me like a favourite toy. It took my mind off other things. Holding both our bags over my shoulder, I flicked the lights off and closed the door behind me.
“Maybe frosty white,” I muttered to myself walking down the hallway. The walls needed painting here, too. I stopped, almost in the reception area, and straightened the picture on the wall before fishing the keys out and heading for the door. The guys were outside waiting for me. Their outlines through the glass door stood feet apart, both turned away from each other. I sighed and turned off the main lights, then locked up.
Matt was holding the passenger door open for me, and I sent him a small smile before getting in and passing the bags to Dante who’d slipped into the back.
I watched Matt walk around to his side of the car, trying to gauge from his expression what his mood was like. I got nothing. His face was an aloof mask. He got in behind the steering wheel, his cool sidelong gaze reminding me to buckle up.
It was a quiet drive to mine. Quiet and uncomfortable, to say the least.
“Did you eat today, poppet?” Matt asked when he parked behind the Cayenne he’d bought me.
I had to think about it for a few seconds. “Yes, I did.”
“No, you didn’t, sweet cheeks,” Dante corrected from the back seat. “You took a bite from your sandwich, then got distracted by Lisa.”
That’s right. Lisa had issues with her landlord, and I had lent her my ear for a good, old-fashioned rant.
I unbuckled the belt and regarded Matt sheepishly. “I guess I haven’t eaten today.”
Matt didn’t say anything, the gleam of disapproval in his eyes said it all. Dante got the flowers and I got our bags while Matt opened up my front door.
“I’ll go put these in water,” Dante said on entry, and I dropped our bags on the couch while kicking off my sneakers.
Matt glanced at the pillow and duvet on the couch, a pleased smirk on his lips. Dante had slept on the couch last night, not that he got much sleep anyway. We had stayed up late hanging with Bret and Marie-Sol before their departure.
“I’ll get the guest room set up for you,” I called to Dante’s back, gathering up the pillow and duvet. I flashed Matt my empty smile and trudged upstairs. I needed to change the sheets in both rooms. Matt came up about ten minutes later, leaning against the door frame of the guest room as I smoothed the fresh, crisp sheets to my satisfaction. I gave the pillows one final plumping, then picked up the dirty sheets.
“I know it’s late, poppet, but would you like me to make you something to eat?” he asked.
“No, thanks, Matt. I’m not that hungry.” I eased past him, dumping the sheets in the hallway, then heading for my room. He followed.
“Are you sure, poppet?” he asked. “I’m fully capable of making you a sandwich, and you should eat something.”
I smiled at him, my first real smile of the day. He looked a dream, his black hair tousled around his gorgeous face. I liked his hair like that. It gave the impression of him being at ease. My eyes lingered on his lips, he hadn’t kissed me hello. I could do with a kiss. My eyes dipped lower. Dark-grey sweater clinging to the muscular lines of his arms and chest; casual black pants that drew my gaze to his—
“Stop lusting after me,” he teased, coming over to help me with the sheets. My smile grew further as we stripped the bed. Matt said he was getting me a new bed later this week, and I asked him if he was mad. He shrugged at me as I stuffed the pillows in fresh cases. I didn’t think it had anything to do with my bed being too small in his eyes, well not wholly. I think it was mainly because he knew Dante had been sleeping in here.
“Do you want to help me flip the mattress?” I suggested, without the slightest hint of sarcasm.
Matt nodded. “That’s a great idea, poppet. Last time I slept here, I swear those springs were poking me in the back. You’re definitely getting a new bed.”
I shook my head and hid my knowing smile. We flipped the mattress. Well, Matt flipped the mattress, I pretended to help. My arms felt achy.
There was a low knock on the half-opened door and Dante stuck his head around it. Matt stiffened before turning his back and starting to tuck the clean sheets over the edges.
“Madi, all right if I use the shower first?” Dante queried. He looked uncomfortable and I could guess the reason why. Normally he would walk into my room. My place was his second home. Tonight he’d knocked on the bedroom door, a first-time occurrence.
“Sure, D. Spare clothes are in the—”
“Bottom drawer. I know,” he quipped before pulling the door shut.
Matt spun around immediately, eyes narrowed and eyebrows at an unhappy level. “He has spare clothes here, poppet? Spare keys and spare clothes? You’re having a laugh, right?”
“Can we not do this right now, Matt? You said Friday. On Friday, you can argue with me all you want.”
His features softened and he nodded. “I did say Friday. Fine, but it’s on the list, poppet. Top of the list.”
We finished making the bed and I started tidying around my room under Matt’s gaze.
“Leave that, poppet. I want to talk to you for a moment.” He beckoned me over.
I paused, not liking the undertone in his voice. “About what?”
Matt rubbed his lower jaw and sat on the bed, patting the space next to him.
I shook my head. “I’d rather stand, Matt.”
“Fine.” He brushed my reluctance to sit next to him away with a wave of hand. “What’s the plan for tomorrow?”
“The plan?” I repeated, nervously undoing my pony-tail and tugging my fingers through my hair. I needed to shampoo and condition, but it was way too late to deal with my curls.
“Yes,” he said quietly. “The plan.”
“There’s no plan, Matt. Don’t you have work?”
He shook his head. “No. I told you I would be taking a few days off. So what’s your plan for tomorrow?”
Oh, no. Oh hell, no. “I’m heading to the cemetery with Dante, then chilling out, Matt. You should go to work. Aren’t you working on some big takeover bid? I thought things were—”
“Why haven’t you been sleeping?” he interrupted.
I blinked fast and answered automatically. “So I’m too tired to dream tomorrow.” Damn. He always caught me out. I belatedly realized it must be some form of tactic to startle someone into telling the truth. Take them unawares.
Matt got up and strode towards me. The skin on his face looked flushed, like he was getting annoyed. “Explain.”
I sighed loudly and sidestepped him. Matt grabbed my wrist, pulling me to a halt.
“Explain to me why you’re subjecting yourself to sleep deprivation, missing meals, generally not taking care of yourself, Madison.”
“Don’t do this, Matt,” I implored, trying to twist my wrist free. “Please, everything will be fine by next week. I told you I’ll be better next week.”
“Fuck next week.” Matt said in a cold, hard voice. “I want to know now. Don’t do this, poppet. Don’t shut me out. The past weekend, yesterday…the state you were in…bloody hell. Your behaviour is worrying. It scared me, Madison. You scared me. This,” he waved his free hand up and down my form, “is not normal. Tell me what’s going on so I can help you.”
I yanked my wrist free, inhaling deeply. “You can’t help, Matt. No one can. Look, go to work, don’t go to work; I don’t care. I love you, Matt, but I don’t need you right now.”
He looked as if I’d slapped him. Matt’s throat bobbed up and down while we exchanged tense stares. Then he said, “I need you. And you do need me, too. I am going to spend tomorrow with you—”
“No,” I interjected firmly.
Matt arched an eyebrow at me. “I’m pulling ranks, my sweet darling. I’m older, by default that makes me wiser. You have two choices, Madi. You can graciously accept my support and let me help you through this upsetting time, or you can fight me tooth and nail and still have to accept my support.”
The determination pouring off him signified his mind was made up. Matthew Bradley had spoken and, like he said, I had two choices: hard or easy.
“I like getting to the cemetery early. You should get some sleep as Dante and I plan on leaving at six,” I said in a defeated voice.
Matt exhaled loudly before pulling me into his arms. “Thank you, and I won’t pull rank on you again unless it’s completely necessary.”
I was too tired to care…