Chapter 24 #2
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Goodbye, Mom.”
When I hang up, the pain in my chest doesn’t vanish, but it does feel lighter. I stand there for a moment, letting the cool evening air fill my lungs. I take one final deep breath before going inside, but then I almost run into Julia, bursting through the library doors with her arms over her chest.
“Hey,” I say, slipping my phone into my back pocket. “Everything okay?”
She stops at the top of the stairs and looks down at me.
The glow of the streetlights bounces off her skin and reflects in a dim halo hovering above her head.
From a distance, she looks young and almost angelic, but if you look closer, you can see the way her shoulders slump forward from carrying the weight of life.
“Yeah,” she sighs. “Actually, I don’t know. I felt good saying those things aloud, but the one person I needed to hear them didn’t show up. She never does.”
Julia’s eyes drift toward the parking lot, scanning the asphalt for any signs of life. My heart aches for her. “She never showed, did she?”
Her jaw tightens, and a little crack starts to form on her perfectly porcelain skin. She shakes her head. “No.”
I exhale slowly and walk toward her. “I’m sorry, Julia. For what it’s worth, you were amazing tonight. Your words truly moved me and gave me the power to confront my own mother. You have a gift.”
“Really?” she asks, her eyebrows lifting in surprise.
I nod my head and lean against the cool brick of the library.
“Yes. I resonated with everything you said. I know the feeling of hoping and waiting for the unconditional love you were promised. You convince yourself that they’ll change and something will click, but sometimes, the people we love the most are the ones who let us down.
They neglect to give us what we deserve, not because we’re not worthy, but because they don’t know how. ”
My eyes track her shoulders falling into a heavy shrug. I can see the pain she’s trying to shove down, almost like a mirror has been thrust into my face. “What do we do?” she asks, vulnerability glazing over her eyes. “Do we accept it and let them keep disappointing us?”
“I’m still figuring it out,” I say, letting out a weak laugh.
I wanted to give her the answers she was looking for, but sometimes, answers can only be found through experience and pain.
“I’ve been lucky enough to find people that fill those cracks and provide the things I never got from my mother.
They may not be my family, but they care about me and love me unconditionally. I think that’s helped a lot.”
All of the faces of my friends and even my ex-husband float around in my head. Henry is also in there somewhere—smiling back at me with those big brown eyes. It’s a reminder that true family isn’t always blood, but it’s the people who continue to choose you day after day.
“Are you talking about Mr. C?” Julia says with a smile painted across her face.
“Yes,” I admit, without putting much thought into it. “He’s been an amazing friend to me and I’m lucky to have him in my life.”
The word friend doesn’t sit right on my tongue. It tastes bitter and I immediately want to take it back. But everything else is true. I am lucky we met, and the thought of losing him taps on my shoulder and reminds me of the pain burrowed deep inside my soul.
Julia flashes me a knowing smile. “I like Mr. C. I know he’s supposed to leave at the end of the summer, but I hope he stays.”
“Don’t tell Mr. C I said this, but me too.” I smile back at her, hurt knocking against my heart. “But Julia, I meant it when I said your writing is amazing. You’ve found something you can channel your pain into to make it something beautiful.”
Her hand reaches up and tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “Thanks,” she whispers. Her feet shuffle back and forth, hesitant to accept the compliment. “You remind me a lot of Mr. C.”
“Oh, really?” I question, feeling the crease between my brows deepen.
“Yes,” Julia replies, letting out a small laugh. “You’re both good at inspiring people. You’ve both made me feel less alone this summer.”
A lump of emotion too big to swallow sits in my throat. Her words create a slow, rising warmth that races across my body and fills my chest with pride. “I’m glad, Julia.”
She lifts her head and smiles brightly at me, a spark shining through that wasn’t there before. “We should probably head back inside. I think Mr. C is going to make some closing remarks.”
“Yeah, of course,” I respond, forcing my head to nod. “I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”
Before she opens the door, she stops and turns toward me. “Emma. Thank you for listening when no one else would.”
I swallow hard and watch her disappear into the gold light casting out from the library.
Tears threaten to assault my eyes for the millionth time tonight.
I felt whole and good inside. Two feelings that weren’t complimented by the sluggish rate my heart beat at.
The only person it seemed to race for was on the other side of that door.
But I couldn’t face Henry tonight.
Everything felt too fresh, and with each passing minute that he didn’t reach out, the pit in my stomach grew deeper and deeper. Selfishly, I wanted him to stay. I wanted us to find a way to make it work. But maybe he wasn’t the problem.
Realization clicks into place.
Henry didn’t have everything figured out, and I used that as an excuse to guard my heart.
I was still keeping him at a distance—Wren’s quiet encouragement not yet sinking in.
Like a bad habit I couldn’t break, I convinced myself he would leave and never look back.
I thought he would—no, I expected him to hurt me, so I never gave him a real reason to stay and fight for us.
Henry said he wanted me. I just didn’t listen. Didn’t believe that was enough to build a future on. But I was wrong.
My fingers curl into tight fists at my sides. I had spent my life waiting for people to prove they wouldn’t walk away, but l shouldn’t wait for love. I was tired of testing people to see if they’d stick around. I was tired of pushing people away.
I take a hard and shaky breath. I was tired, but I still had some fight left in me. And I intended to use that fight for Henry. For us.
I was done letting fear control my happiness.