Abel
Between my nightmares and the sight of Rose standing at the foot of the bed with a gun to her head, I can’t fucking sleep.
I swear I died the moment I saw her and only came back when I realized the click I’d heard was just the goddamn safety.
She sighs in her sleep and I wonder, again, if I’m in over my head. I don’t know what I’m doing. Am I helping her? Could I if I really fucking tried or is she just a lost cause?
I pull her in closer as I tell myself no way. We have a future together, no matter what it may look like.
No matter what that crook of a doctor said.
The worst part of all this, is that she was at that point because of me . I drove her there. It’d be no different if I was the one holding the gun.
I have no idea what I said in my sleep, but I sit until the sun comes up, with the TV on low.
Mami sits in the corner of the room, an empty bottle in her hand, shaking her head at the way my eyes droop just before the fear of sleeping has me jerking awake again.
And, for once, I tell her to fuck right off, the words ricocheting off the walls.
I sit with my Rose all night until morning, guarding over her and protecting her from everything.
Even me.
“I promise everything is perfectly fine,” Rose insists as she starts to take off her clothes and tosses them into the plastic bag she designated as the hamper.
She decided today would be the day she’ll try again to see if her mother is home. This time, I’ve been invited to go as well.
I nearly miss the sight of her naked ass before she climbs in the shower. She has a scar on her lower back that I’ve never seen before. Huh?
“We’ll go, and we’ll be careful.” Her voice is louder over the sound of the shower as she lathers up and rinses off, excitement making her sound youthful.
I have to tell myself to keep my ass on the bed and not march into that bathroom, rip the shower curtain open, and pull her onto my eager and waiting dick.
I sigh and sit back on the bed and before I know it, Rose is fully dressed and shaking me awake.
“Will you be okay to drive?” Her eyes are wide and worried as I stretch.
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get this shit over with.”
She’s wearing all black and I realize she’s got on one of my t-shirts. I mention it as she pulls on a denim jacket.
“I love wearing your shirts after you’ve worn them. It’s like wearing a hug.”
Rose, for all her smart and emotionless ways, sure can say some cheesy shit.
I pull her into my arms. “I’m not running low or anything,” I tell her before I dip down to kiss her. With all the money we have, we just keep buying more and ignoring the bags piling in the corner.
She pushes away, much to my disappointment. “Come on. I don’t want to be out all day.”
We get in the car and I’m hoping this goddamn lady is home because it’s getting colder and I’m envisioning us on a beach somewhere far away and warm.
Fuck New England winters.
She’s rubbing her hands together as I try to crank the heat as quickly as possible. I love the way she looks with pink cheeks; if it’s from embarrassment or the cold, I don’t care.
“Think she’ll be there today?”
Her eyes meet mine and she sits back with a sigh. “If she isn’t, we’ll leave.”
I can feel her eyes on me as I look back at the parking lot we’re pulling out of.
“And somewhere down the line, when they’ve all but forgotten about us, we’ll come back,” she finishes.
Those words, moments like these, make it so easy to fall more and more in love with her. “You’re fucking great, you know that?” I turn the steering wheel to take a right onto a street.
“Great? That isn’t an adjective I’ve heard when used to describe me before.”
When we’re out on the road, she starts messing with the radio, but I’m not done complimenting her.
“You’re right. Great is too boring.” I tap on the steering wheel as I try to come up with something better. “Awesome?”
She turns in her seat so she’s facing me. “I’m not starved for compliments, Mr. Cartagena. Your company is compliment enough.”
“I’m shit at words, baby.”
“You’re better at other things,” she tells me and I want to remind her that she hasn’t seen anything yet.
“Oh, yeah? Like what?” My eyes are on hers, waiting to see what bullshit she throws my way.
“Saving my life. You’re exceptional at that.”
I’m a little fucking stunned when she says that. I think about being at Silverwing, when she said she planned to kill herself. I think back to last night and then I wonder what the hell she’d be doing if I wasn’t here. Her birthday’s coming up, so she’d be getting ready to end it.
The thought makes my grip on the steering wheel tighten so I try to let it go. “I’m just saying I’m not the kind of guy that knows Shakespeare or any of that fancy romantic shit. I might do a little ‘roses are red’ number or whatever…” I stop when she places her fingers on my cheek. “I’m just not that guy.”
“Well let’s hear what you come up with then.”
Well, fuck.
I glance at her.
Those blue eyes. She could ask me for the stars and I’d put them all in a basket for her and watch her light up. I’d deny the world light if she wanted the sun. Screw the rest of the goddamn world.
“Uh…roses are red…violets are blue…some people are dead, but I still love you?”
She picks up my hand and hides her smile behind it. Then she’s pressing a kiss to my palm. And when she’s done she says, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
And I’m falling in love with her all over again.