Chapter 17
AVA
The wind flows through my fingers and teases my hair as Valen coasts down the street.
I’m amazed at how quickly he’s picked up driving, but I also wouldn’t expect anything less.
He’s like a sponge and wants to soak up as much information as possible.
Never one to complain, Valen takes my critiques in stride and corrects himself.
We moved on from the practice field after he aced multiple lessons and progressed from the suburbs to downtown.
Driving in Chicago is not for the weak, but he’s a defensive driver and can hold his own.
He’s one step closer to riding the horse with wheels he wants so badly.
It’s adorable when he says it, and at this point, I don’t want to correct him.
The windshield wipers swipe as droplets of rain start to collect, and I quickly close my window.
“I guess today will be another rainy practice,” I sigh, sick of the gloom.
“Rainy and at night,” Valen counters with two fingers raised. “I haven’t done both together.”
“We’re running out of things for me to teach you,” I giggle at his correction.
A small tug on my braid has me turning to find Valen letting go of the strands with a smile.
He’s been doing that a lot more around me—small touches—and it warms my heart that he’s feeling more comfortable with physical contact.
He’s still wary around others, so it gives me a sense of satisfaction that he’s different with me.
That he feels safe enough to let his guard down.
“I have a feeling I’ll continue to learn from you for the rest of our lives, and I very much look forward to it,” Valen says thoughtfully, and I feel my cheeks warm.
I try not to think about the future, because so many questions come with it when I do. If he’s an immortal vampire who can’t be killed and lives forever, what about me? I don’t know about the life span of witches, and I’ve been too scared to ask.
A car blares its horn behind us, prompting me to whip around and fix the driver with an icy glare.
“If you’re going to ride my ass, at least pull my hair first!” I right myself and cross my arms over my chest. “Idiot,” I can’t help but mumble.
Valen chokes at my comment, and I laugh to myself.
“That mouth of yours.”
Smirking at what I’m about to say, I let him have it. “Want to see what else it can do?”
Sparks glow in Valen’s brown eyes, and the heat in them leaves me wanting more. I won’t push him to do anything until he initiates it, though.
“Oh! Park here really fast. I want to look at their seasonal window display, and this would be a good opportunity to practice parallel parking again.”
Valen parallel parks with an ease that makes me jealous. I can’t even park that well.
“Isn’t it so beautiful?” I marvel at the creativity of the store. “Maybe I can convince Captain Barnes to let me deck out the precinct this winter. It doesn’t have to be crazy, but in the past, all we’ve had is a sad-looking tree in December. I refuse to let it happen again this year.”
Valen tilts his head in question. “Will you decorate our apartment too?”
Our apartment, he says like it’s no big deal.
He looks inquisitively at the display, and I realize he probably hasn’t experienced a proper winter holiday. Do they celebrate human holidays where he’s from? I highly doubt it. It’s then that I make a decision.
“We’re going to make a winter bucket list and we’re going to cross off everything on it.
You have to experience the cozy, nostalgic, and delicious time that is the holiday season.
I’m talking ugly sweaters, sweet treats, holiday movies, the whole nine yards.
” I practically jump in my seat at the idea of experiencing all of it for the first time through him.
I start to mentally make my list and excite myself with all the possibilities. I’m so lost in my head that I don’t notice Valen’s face inching ever closer to mine. His smell clouds around me in the most sensual way, and one of his hands fits itself around my cheek, engulfing the whole thing.
“Ava, I am going to kiss you now.”
Oh.
Oh.
Holy. Fuck.
We almost kissed when he was helping me with my magic, but when the moment was ruined by Zav, I didn’t think this opportunity would pop up again so soon.
It’s the way he says it that really gets me.
I am going to kiss you now. There’s a certainty in the way he says it, no hesitation.
He’s not framing it as a question, but he is giving me a chance to tell him no regardless.
But I don’t.
I can’t.
Because I want him to kiss me.
Soft, hesitant lips fit themselves to mine, and I hold my breath, not wanting to scare him off. My eyes flutter closed, and I focus on the sensation of his mouth on mine, something I’ve waited what feels like ages for.
Then, nothing.
“What happened?” I can’t help but ask after he abruptly pulls away before I can fully enjoy what just went down.
Valen won’t make eye contact and fumbles with the steering wheel in a move very unlike him. Gone is the cool and collected vampire, and before me is an almost awkward teenager.
“Valen?” I try again softly.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he replies with a wince. “I have never kissed anyone before.”
“Are you kidding? No one? Look at you,” I sputter. Valen is insanely good-looking. Tall and broad, with sweeping dark hair and eyes that seem to see straight to your soul. “You had to have had all the angel ladies lusting after you.” Part of me bristles at just the thought of it.
He shakes his head, his fingers flexing where his hands rest on his thighs. “On the contrary. Celibacy, remember? Both male and female angels focus solely on their jobs, especially the warriors like me and my sister. There’s no fooling around.”
“How are more angels born then?” I blurt.
He shrugs. “Every so often pairs are chosen to continue the line—only the strongest and smartest are allowed to bear children. Most are only allowed one child. My parents were a rare case and were allowed two.”
I run a hand through my pink hair. “I’m not going to lie and say I’m not thrilled at the idea of being your first, because a large part of me selfishly is.
” He smirks at that, and I almost feel bad I can’t do the same.
It’s not like I knew this hunk of a man would come along and proclaim himself as my mate.
“I know what you’re thinking, and you shouldn’t feel bad. You had a life before me, just as I did, and the most important thing is that I’ll be your last,” Valen says with conviction. “No other man, supernatural or human, will touch you, Starlight.”
The intense look he gives me sends a shiver down my spine and has me squeezing my thighs together. The bond between us is powerful but not so powerful that I feel coerced or scared. It feels right.
With that, he steals another piece of me, and we head back to our apartment in rain that continues to fall in time with the rapid beat of my heart.
Waking up in the middle of the night with a throat dry as the desert, I curse the cold weather.
I shuffle to the kitchen for a glass of water, trying to be careful as I go.
Stopping short in the living room, I see Valen’s couch empty save for Pom Pom, who’s made himself comfortable in one of Valen’s shirts he somehow dragged up there.
A cushion leans against the edge, proving to be a doggy ramp Valen must have constructed.
I give him a pat on his head and search the apartment, coming up empty.
He can only be in one place at this hour.
I pull on a warm sweater to fight the cold I’m about to face.
Stuffing my feet into a pair of tennis shoes, I make my way to the rooftop.
I push open the door and shiver from the chill in the air.
Scanning the area, sure enough, I find a lone figure sitting on the edge with one knee drawn to their chest and the other dangling off the side.
He looks so lost sitting there. I hate that for him. What must it feel like to be so old but to have been held so long that everything is unfamiliar? Everything must feel so confusing and frustrating for him.
With a sigh, I walk over to sit next to the troubled vampire. He doesn’t acknowledge my presence, but I know as soon as I stepped outside, he knew I was here. I wouldn’t be surprised with his supernatural sense if he didn’t know I was headed here as soon as I made the decision.
“I wish you didn’t have nightmares. The fact that they aren’t a physical thing I can fight off for you makes me furious,” I say into the glimmering night.
Valen’s dark strands rustle from a particularly strong gust of wind.
The cords of muscle in his arm flex when he lowers his leg.
His shoulders deflate with a sigh. I hate how dejected he looks and desperately want to make it better, but I don’t know how.
It’s only been a few months since he was freed, and I’m sure he’s still searching for ways to run from his nightmares.
I still hear him periodically thrashing on the couch, and when I do, I try to sneak out and sleep next to him on the floor so I can hold his hand.
He seems to sleep better with physical contact.
I always end up back in my bed each morning, and neither of us talks about it.
“Do you think they’ll go away?” His soft whisper is barely audible. “No matter how hard I try to fight them off, I always see them.” Sadness etches over his features, and my heart breaks.
“Of course they will. It takes time, and you only recently got out of that hellscape.” I long to touch him, to graze my fingers against his or touch his cheek or even glide my fingers through his hair.
But I keep my hands to myself, because I’m not sure if he would appreciate physical contact at the moment.
“Back when I was first captured, my dreams were my only reprieve. They were one of the few times I could escape reality. They’d try all kinds of experiments and torture on me that I’d zone out to the point that it was hard to come back to myself.
” Valen sits stock-still, and I say screw it and thread my arm through his, which makes him relax.
“The sickest part of it all is I never even found my sister.” He lets out a self-deprecating laugh and deflates.
I squeeze his bicep in silent reassurance.
“Did you find any clues about where she was? I know you mentioned she went missing.” My curiosity gets the better of me as I itch to know more about him.
“She was killed by a demon,” he says softly, gazing out at the city.
I can see just enough of his face to know he’s faraway right now, stuck in memories perhaps better off not reliving.
But the least I can do is listen to him.
“Just before I was captured, I found one of her feathers coated in blood. Angels have unique wings, so I knew it was her, and the stench was undeniable.” Valen hardens and I see a streak of revenge flash through his eyes.
“Part of me finds solace in the fact that I know what happened to her, but the other is horrified I didn’t get to her in time. I failed Safira.”
My lips downturn in sympathy. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been for him. “Valen, you couldn’t have known. You did the best you could.” I stroke his arm, trying to offer as much comfort as I can.
He finally turns to me with vigor. “I promise you, Ava. I will never let you down, not if I can help it. If we are parted, know I’m moving heaven and earth to get to you.
I won’t give up until you’re back in my arms.” His eyes are firm but earnest, and I know that even though we’re still getting to know each other, this man—this vampire—will do anything for me.
And the crazy part is I think he would even if we weren’t mates.
Just like the lengths he went to for his sister, Valen is a protector at heart.
Tears well in my eyes at the passion in his words.
Spencer and I were inseparable when we were together, but I’m starting to see how faulty our relationship really was. It didn’t hold this magnetic attraction, mate bond aside, or hold the foundation of trust we are beginning to build.
“Remember that kiss from earlier?” I ask softly, waiting for his reaction. Valen nods with a shyness, his eyes dropping with something akin to embarrassment. I touch his cheek, and he meets my eyes. “I’m going to show you what a real kiss is like,” I whisper.
Giving him time to pull away, I close the gap and slide a hand around his nape.
Slowly twisting the strands around my fingers, I pepper kisses around his face.
I pay special attention to the slope of his neck and the strong jaw I’ve longed to kiss up until this point.
His ragged breaths spur me on, and I tease him by kissing around his lips.
With a growl of frustration, Valen pulls me flush to his chest in one quick motion and properly seals his lips to mine.
It’s a little awkward at first, but he’s a quick learner, following my lead.
I run my tongue over his lips, which part in surprise, and slip between them to tease his.
He rumbles in appreciation. My toes tingle at how he consumes me.
I skirt my fingers along the hem of his shirt and feel the V shape leading downward. When my full palm rests on his abdomen, he stiffens and pulls away. It’s not an outright rejection, but I know we’ve hit the limit of what he’s okay with for now.
“I’m sorry,” Valen whispers sheepishly. “I…” He shakes his head. “I got nervous.”
“Don’t apologize for anything. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable or push you to do what you’re not ready for.”
He smiles gratefully and plants one last kiss on the top of my head. Pulling me up, we head back downstairs to the apartment. That night, he sleeps on top of the blankets next to me with Pom Pom curled between us.