Chapter 10 Carla
CARLA
Ilie in bed with Amari, who clings to me like I might disappear at any moment. His arms wrap around me possessively, and I can feel the slight tremor in his hands. My fingers trace lazy patterns on his chest, feeling the tension in his muscles even as he holds me close.
“You look exhausted,” I murmur, studying the shadows beneath his eyes. They’re darker than I’ve ever seen them, almost bruised-looking against his rich chocolate skin.
“I haven’t slept in three days,” he admits, his voice rough with fatigue.
I sit up in alarm, my heart racing. “What?”
He looks away from me, and I can tell he’s not going to argue with me about missing me.
I sigh and climb on top of him, straddling his hips. His hands automatically move to my waist, steadying me. Even exhausted, he’s always making sure I’m safe, always putting me first.
“You know I’m usually always in the mood for you,” Amari starts, his eyes flickering with heat despite his exhaustion.
“But you’re too tired right now, right?” I finish for him, running my palms over his chest. I can feel his heartbeat accelerating under my touch.
Amari sits up in frustration with me still straddling him, his hands gripping my arms. “How exactly am I supposed to feel, baby? It feels like a piece of my soul has left me when you go into limbo.”
The admission hits me hard, stealing the breath from my lungs. His pain becomes mine through our bond, raw and consuming. I’ve been so focused on my duties, on learning to navigate limbo, that I haven’t truly considered what it costs him every time I leave.
He gently rubs my arms, his touch soothing even as his words cut deep. “I try to be strong, to pretend that it doesn’t hurt me, but it does. It does, baby. It hurts more than you can understand.”
“I’m sorry, Amari. I’m so sorry.” The words feel inadequate, but they’re all I have. Tears prick at my eyes as I see the vulnerability in his expression.
He shrugs, trying to play it off. “Doesn’t matter, I guess.”
“Don’t say that.” I cup his face in my hands, forcing him to meet my eyes. “Come with me.”
Amari furrows his brow at me, confusion replacing some of the pain in his expression.
“We haven’t even tried with you going into limbo,” I explain, my thumbs stroking his cheeks. His beard tickles my palms.
“I think it’s dangerous...” I start to say, but Amari presses his lips to mine, silencing me with the perfect kiss.
Stars flash over my vision as he pours his soul into me through our connection.
The kiss is deep, passionate, loving—everything he can’t put into words flows between us.
His tongue sweeps against mine, his hands tangling in my curls, holding me like I’m the most precious thing in his world.
I feel his love, his fear, his desperate need to never let me go, all transmitted through the press of his lips.
When he breaks the kiss, I’m dazed and gasping for air, my lips tingling and swollen. My whole body feels electrified, every nerve ending singing with his touch.
“I know I’ve turned into this clingy, overbearing vampire,” he says, his forehead resting against mine, “but I love you so much, Carla.”
I look at him and smile, my heart so full it might burst. “I love you too, Amari.”
I push him back until his head is resting against the pillow, then lie on top of him, my ear pressed to his chest. His heartbeat drums steady and strong beneath me. I breathe in his scent.
“I want you to sleep,” I tell him, splaying my hand over his heart.
“I don’t think I can. I’ll lose my mind if I wake up and you’re not here.”
I look up at him, meeting those beautiful golden eyes that have seen centuries but still look at me like I’m a miracle. “What if I promise to stay? That I’ll be right here when you wake up?”
Amari doesn’t answer for a moment, his jaw working as he processes my words. Then he says, “You can’t make promises like that. Your powers are increasing. You might get pulled into limbo again.”
“I think Mother Fate had me see what she wanted me to see. And with our children in limbo doing god knows what with Aya, I’m sure we’ve got a little time to be alone together.”
Amari sighs, and I smile because he’s finally relaxing, the tension slowly leaving his body. His muscles uncoil beneath me, and I feel the moment he starts to let go.
“Stay on top of me,” he requests, his hands settling on my back. “Your warmth, your sweet peachy scent will help me.”
“Okay. I’ll do that.”
Amari smiles at that, the expression softening his features and making him look younger. Then he chuckles. “This whole situation is funny.”
I sit up again and look at him, curious. “How so?”
He puts his hand on my back, rubbing it gently while keeping his gaze focused on the ceiling.
His fingers trace small circles that make my skin tingle.
“When we first met, I made it my immortal mission to make sure that you knew you were a vision, magnificent, and didn’t need the acceptance you craved so much. ”
He finally looks from the ceiling to meet my eyes, moving his hand from my back to gently stroke my cheek. “Look at you now. You’re a magnificent vision, and now you’re the one uplifting me.”
I move my lips to his palm, kissing it softly. His skin is cool against my lips. “Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be as a mated couple? Both of us working together and building each other up?”
“It can’t just be all you taking care of me,” I continue, my voice steady. “I’m supposed to take care of you too. Now go to sleep, or I’ll rescind my offer to take you to limbo with me tomorrow.”
Amari’s hands fall flat on the mattress at his sides—he’s preparing his body for slumber, I can tell. It’s fascinating to watch, the way his vampire nature takes over.
“Stay on me for as long as you can stand it,” he says, his eyes already growing heavy.
“I’m not going anywhere, Amari.”
But the flutter from his heart tells me he doesn’t believe me, and that hurts more than I want to admit. After everything we’ve been through, he still fears losing me.
“Believe in me, Amari. Believe that I’ll always choose you.”
“I love you, Carla,” he whispers, and then his eyes close.
His body goes completely limp, like it’s turned to stone.
His slumber is a deep sleep, one that he cannot wake from, but he’s told me from time to time that his mind is still awake sometimes even though his body is resting.
It’s one of the strange quirks of being a vampire—this death-like sleep that isn’t quite death.
I pepper kisses across his chest, then rest my head against it, listening to his heartbeat and smiling at the steady thump of it. I just lie on top of him, thinking about the past, smiling as I rub over his resting form. I know he’s not going to wake up—he can’t, not until his body is fully rested.
“I could kick your ass for forcing yourself to stay awake for so long,” I whisper against his skin. “You know it’s not healthy.”
I giggle when his heart starts to quicken. He’s listening to me. Even in this deep slumber, part of him is still aware, still connected to me. I continue to rest against him, my fingers tracing patterns on his skin—hearts, stars, the letters of his name.
“It’s so silly that you’re afraid of losing me. I’m afraid of losing you every day. You’re so handsome, intelligent, so powerful. Yet, you choose me every day. It’s like I’m living in a dream.”
I run my fingers over his arms, feeling the strength there even in rest. The muscles are relaxed now, but I know the power they contain.
“Even with the mate bond, that still sits in the back of my mind sometimes. But you always assure me, without question.”
A yawn escapes me, and I murmur sleepily, “Sometimes I think that if I’m gone too long in limbo that you’ll get tired of waiting for me to come back. It terrifies me. I have to figure out a way to balance this out, or I’m going to lose you.”
Another yawn follows, my body growing heavy with exhaustion.
“I wonder if there’s a way to reach out to Tabatha in the afterlife,” I say, my words slurring with sleepiness. “I’m going to ask Angie in the morning. She knows Tabatha would have some answers on how to help them.”
I slowly fall asleep on top of him, feeling comfort in his solid presence beneath me, his scent surrounding me like the safest cocoon.
My eyes flutter open the next morning, and I’m on my back. Confusion hits me for a moment before I feel it—Amari’s head between my legs. Morning light spills across the bed. I look over to his side, and then I gasp when his tongue swipes against my sensitive flesh.
“Oh...” The sound escapes me as my hand comes to the back of his head, fingers threading through his short curls.
He starts to push my legs back, opening me wider to his hungry mouth. The cool morning air hits my heated skin, creating a delicious contrast.
“Oh my god, what are you doing?” I manage to say between gasps, though the answer is obvious.
“What do you think I’m doing?” His voice vibrates against me, sending shockwaves through my body. “I’m having my morning breakfast.”
I grin at that, then moan again when he starts to feast with more enthusiasm. His tongue explores every fold, every sensitive spot. Long strokes have me gripping the sheets. His mouth is wet and perfect as he worships me with single-minded devotion.
The pleasure builds in waves, each sweep of his tongue pushing me higher.
He knows exactly how to work my body, alternating between gentle teasing licks and more intense pressure.
My hips buck against his face as he captures my clit between his lips, sucking gently while his tongue flicks against it.
“Amari!” I cry out as he plunges his tongue inside me, the wet muscle stroking my inner walls in a rhythm that makes me writhe.
He doesn’t respond, just grips my hips firmly as he begins to pound into me from behind. His pace is brutal, merciless. I’m still so sensitive that every movement sends shockwaves of pleasure-pain through me.
My climax builds and builds, pressure coiling tighter. When it crashes over me, I scream his name, my back arching off the bed as waves of pleasure roll through me. But he doesn’t stop. He continues his feast, drawing out every aftershock until I’m trembling and oversensitive.
I just stare at the ceiling from the powerful release, my chest heaving as I try to catch my breath. My whole body tingles, and I feel boneless, completely satiated.
Amari slowly climbs on top of me, kissing my cheek tenderly. His hands caress my breasts before he buries his face in my neck, breathing me in deeply.
“Good morning,” he murmurs against my skin, his voice full of satisfaction and love.
“I don’t even know my own name right now,” I manage to say, still floating in post-release bliss. “It’s insane how you do that to me.”
Amari moves his face from my neck and sits up, kissing my lips softly. I taste myself on him as he stares into my eyes with so much love it makes my heart skip. In moments like these, I understand why he fears losing me—I feel the same terror at the thought of losing him.
“How about a shower?” Amari suggests, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
I yawn and stretch my arms out, feeling deliciously used, then wrap them around his neck. “Okay.”
“I love the idea of going to limbo with you today,” he says, his expression growing serious, though his eyes still hold that post-intimate softness.
“It’s just a trial run,” I remind him. “And if it gets too dangerous, I’m sending you back.”
“Okay,” he agrees easily. “I just love the fact that you’re willing to try for me.”
“I don’t like that the mate bond is painful for you when I have to leave. And since I lose my perception of time when I’m in there, I never know how long I’m gone.” The guilt of causing him pain gnaws at me.
I run my hands over his arms, memorizing the feel of him, and Amari just stares at me with so much love that it scares me. The way he looks at me, the depth of emotion there—sometimes it’s overwhelming to be loved so completely, so unconditionally.
He scoops an arm under me and pulls me up from the bed, lifting me into his arms as he stands in one smooth motion and carries me to the bathroom.