Chapter Forty-One - Elise
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Elise
My stomach is in knots, but I can’t bring myself to look away from the horrific images.
Joshua—my Joshua—did this. The same man who holds me every night. The same man who wakes me up every morning with a gentle kiss. The same man whose engagement ring is on my finger.
I’m so caught up in the shock that I don’t hear the door open.
“Elise? How did you get in here? What are you—” Joshua pauses when my horrified eyes snap to his. “What’s wrong?”
My heart jumps to my throat. This man standing before me bears so little resemblance to the monster on the screen, and I want to convince myself it’s all fake.
“Elise, what’s wrong?”
I want to answer him, but I can’t find my words. All I can do is look between Joshua and the man in the pictures. Surely, they aren’t the same person.
He takes a step forward, and I instinctively step back.
Joshua’s eyebrows pull together in a warning.
“Elise.” He takes another step.
“Don’t,” I whisper, stepping back into the bookcase behind me.
“What’s going on?”
When I don’t answer, Joshua huffs and stalks toward me. My brain processes the danger as he rounds the desk, and I clumsily dart around the other side, reaching one of the chairs and holding it for support.
Joshua is about to follow me when he sees his computer. Stony neutrality replaces his confusion, and it’s a look that I haven’t seen in weeks.
His mask of indifference.
“You lied to me,” I say, my voice more than a whisper. I dig my nails into the wooden chair and let anger replace fear. “You lied to me. You told me you came here to kill him, but instead, you brought him to the house.”
“You weren’t supposed to see this.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
“What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry? I’m not.”
As the shock of what I’ve witnessed starts to fade, I begin to understand what I was too blind to see before.
“The raid. They took Tripp, didn’t they? He’s out there, alive.”
One sharp nod is his answer.
“How could you do that?” Tears spill onto my cheeks. “That was pure cruelty, and for what? I was safe!”
Joshua sighs, but it’s exasperation, not regret. “I went there to kill him the night of the raid. You had just told me how your nightmares began. I was going to stop for you.”
“For me?” I scoff. “I never asked you to do anything for me. I didn’t even like the idea of you killing him, but I accepted it because I know that’s how things work around here. But the things you did to him for weeks…”
“He deserved it all and more.”
“No, he didn’t! Joshua that”—I gesture to the computer—“wasn’t justice!”
“I wasn’t after justice. I was protecting what’s mine.”
He rounds the desk, but this time, I stand my ground.
“I am not yours.”
Joshua pulls my hips to his and lowers his lips to my ear. “We can play this game if you want, but I can tell you right now that it ends with you sprawled out on my desk, screaming—”
I act on instinct.
I swing my arm as hard as I can, but before my hand can make contact with his cheek, Joshua catches my wrist. A sound like a growl breaks from his lips, and he pushes me until I’m pinned against the wall, his chest flush against mine.
His eyes glint with possessive darkness. “Want to try that again, Princess?”
His words send heat through my body, but I keep my glare firmly in place. “What I want is for you to let me go.”
“Liar,” he whispers.
Joshua buries his face in my neck, placing rough kisses there that make my head spin. The most primal part of me wants to wrap myself up in him because he’s right.
I want him.
I’m his, and we both know it.
But that doesn’t change the fact that he lied to me.
It takes all of my mental and physical strength to push him away. “Dammit, Joshua! Get off of me!”
To my surprise, he actually lets go, and I clutch desperately at my pounding heart. “I need to get out of here.”
“Fine. We can go to the garden.”
“No.” I gesture around us. “I need to get away from this base. I need to get away from you.”
“You’re not going anywhere, Elise.”
“Then I’ll wait four days until this stupid deal is over, and then I’ll get the hell away from you!”
Joshua laughs, the sound bitter.
“What?”
The cold look on his face makes him look identical to the man in the video, and a shiver runs down my spine as he takes one step forward.
“Did you really think I was ever going to let you go?”
“But the deal—”
“Was to buy enough time for you to realize, on your own, that you wanted to stay with me.”
I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face.
How could I have fallen for his tricks again?
“You were never going to let me go,” I murmur.
Joshua shrugs. “Doesn’t matter. You were going to choose to stay. You love me.”
You love me, not we love each other.
The words are blades slicing through my chest, stealing my breath and inflicting the deepest pain possible.
I want to hurt him back. I want him to experience the same pain that I feel now.
“And what if none of it was real? Maybe I’ve just been biding my time until I could get away from you.”
He laughs, but I know him well enough to catch the flicker of uncertainty, as brief as it is. “That’s just a lie.”
The sound of his laughter is another stab to my heart, but I suddenly know exactly how to make him feel the same way.
I let the malicious words fall from my lips with ease.
“Is it? You’re a cruel man who ruins everything he touches. Your own parents didn’t even love you. How could I?”
He freezes, expression stoic and unfeeling.
Slowly, I slide the engagement ring off my finger and toss it carelessly to the side. “I hate you, Joshua. You can keep me here as long as you want, but I will never love a monster like you.”
Making my way toward the door, I turn to see that Joshua hasn’t moved a single inch.
I deliver the final blow.
“Vanessa is better off dead than seeing the man you grew up to be,” I say and slam the door behind me.
My legs carry me down several hallways, and I don’t know what my destination is until I’m standing outside of the bedroom that used to be my prison. The lock is gone now, so I open the door and step inside.
It looks just like it did when I was first brought to it. Back then, it had seemed so luxurious, but now it just looks empty.
I fall onto the bed, and tears run freely down my cheeks.
It’s not surprising that my heart twists with the pain of betrayal, but what does surprise me is the regret I feel for saying those things to Joshua.
But why should I feel bad? Doesn’t he deserve it? Hasn’t he put me through enough to justify my revenge?
Then why don’t I feel better?
My head rests on the pillow as I recall the things that I saw Joshua do in those pictures.
Weeks ago, when I overheard Tripp and other soldiers discussing things they’ve seen Joshua do, it was enough to make me throw up. Yet, when I saw the cruel acts myself, it didn’t have nearly as strong of an effect on me.
In fact, my anger didn’t come from Joshua’s ruthless actions but from his dishonesty.
Though I can’t say I encourage the barbaric behavior, it would be foolish of me to believe that this is unexpected of Joshua. I knew when I fell in love with him what kind of man he was.
He never claimed to change, and I never asked him to.
Maybe, deep down, the savage part of me believes that Tripp deserved it, too.
The girl I was a few weeks ago never would’ve let herself think such a thing. She’d be too repulsed by what Joshua’s done to ever consider forgiveness. She’d be packing her things right now to meet Nate in the garden.
But I’m not that girl anymore.
It’s time to get off my high horse and stop pretending I have some moral high ground. The truth is, if someone hurt Joshua the way Tripp hurt me, I’d want to make them suffer, too.
It’s eight on the dot when I stand to leave the room, but it’s not to meet Nate.
I need to talk to my fiancé.
My tear-streaked face draws attention as I make my way down the hall toward Joshua’s office, but I barely notice. A part of my heart feels like it’s missing, and the only thing that will fix it is mending things with Joshua.
If my time here has taught me anything, it’s that even when I can’t stand Joshua, I can’t be away from him either. He is easily the most infuriating human I have ever met in my life, but there is no me without him.
Not anymore.
And I need to apologize for the horrible things I said.
I’m rounding the last corner when I nearly run into a broad chest.
“Elise, are you okay?” Ryder asks, inspecting my splotchy face.
“I need to talk to Joshua,” I say in a voice that’s hoarse from crying.
“What happened?”
“We got in a big fight, and I need to talk to him right now.”
“Elise,” Ryder says, lowering his voice. “Mr. Moreno left.”
“What? Why?” My heart drops at the thought that I’ve driven him away. “This is important.”
He takes a deep breath. “I can take you to him.”
The knots in my stomach loosen the closer we get to the garage. I follow Ryder’s lead to a black SUV, and we wordlessly climb inside.
The car pulls out of the base, and we speed past the wall of trees lining either side of us, illuminated only by the headlights.
In the minutes it’s been since I left my old bedroom, I’ve imagined countless ways our conversation could go.
Will we yell at each other again? Will he ignore me?
Will we forgive each other and fall into bed?
I’m ready to find out.
We drive in silence, which is odd for Ryder and me these days, but not unpleasant.
Besides, I’m so anxious that I wouldn’t be much fun to chat with. So, I settle for staring out the window and focusing on evening out my breathing.
I glance at the clock, which reads 8:30 p.m.
Time for Joshua’s video conference, I mentally note.
The air freezes in my lungs.
I completely forgot about the conference that Joshua told me he has tonight. So then, why would he leave the base?
Joshua doesn’t take time off work, ever. He wouldn’t abandon a meeting just because we fought.