Chapter 38
The morning after Lauren came over, Sierra found herself curled up on her couch with Salem sprawled across her legs like the world’s most judgmental weighted blanket.
Her thoughts had been spinning all night—anger, hope, terror, and love all crashing into each other like waves in a storm.
One minute she felt like she could trust Lauren again, the next she wanted to scream at herself for being so stupid.
She’d barely slept. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Lauren’s face when they’d almost left, heard their voice breaking when they said they missed her. But then she’d remember the six months of silence, the way her heart had shattered, and fury would rise up so fast it made her dizzy.
She grabbed her phone and typed into the group chat with shaking hands.
Sierra: Emergency friend council needed. Can we meet up? I need to talk through some stuff.
Thalia, Raven, Jett, and Calliope all responded within literal seconds. They agreed to meet at Bean & Bloom, which had been redecorated with mismatched vintage chairs. The plants had taken over the entire front window, but their lavender lattes were still to die for.
By the time Sierra arrived, they’d already claimed their usual corner booth and ordered her drink. But instead of the warm welcome she expected, there was tension in the air. Thalia’s smile was tight, Calliope’s arms were crossed, and even Jett looked wary.
Thalia scooted over to make room, but her hug felt protective rather than comforting. “Alright. Tell us everything. And don’t you dare sugarcoat it.”
Sierra took a shaky sip of her latte. “Lauren and I hashed it out last night. It was incredibly heavy. But we talked, really talked this time instead of hurting each other. They apologized for how they ended things. I got to say everything I’d been carrying around for months.”
“And how do you feel about the apology?” Raven asked, but there was an edge to her voice.
“It felt real. They explained where their head was at, and I think I understand the fear that made them run, but—”
“Love, are we just ignoring the fact that you were completely shattered? Like, couldn’t-function-for-weeks destroyed? And now they show up with an apology and suddenly we’re considering forgiveness?”
Sierra flinched. “I’m not.”
“Sierra.” Thalia’s voice was gentle but firm. “I saw what losing them did to you. I held you while you cried for months. So forgive me if I’m not ready to welcome them back with open arms just because they finally decided to apologize.”
“But you don’t understand,” Sierra’s voice cracked. “When I saw them yesterday, it all came flooding back. Not just the hurt, but everything good, too. And I—” She stopped, pressing her hands to her face. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Jett leaned forward, his usual playfulness replaced by fierce protectiveness. “Gorgeous, you’re feeling everything and thinking nothing. I get it, but last time your heart made the decisions? Six months of devastation.”
“What am I supposed to do?!” Sierra’s voice rose slightly, drawing glances from other customers. “Pretend I don’t still love them? Pretend seeing them didn’t turn my whole world upside down again?”
“Love them all you want. Doesn’t mean they won’t bail again,” Raven replied.
Sierra stared into her latte, tears threatening. “They want to be friends. They said they want to prove they can stay when things get hard.”
The table went quiet for a long moment.
“And what do you want?” Thalia asked softly.
“I don’t know!” Sierra’s voice broke. “Part of me wants to text them right now, to say forget the friendship thing, let’s try again. The other part wants to change my number and pretend yesterday never happened. I’m a mess.”
Calliope’s expression softened slightly. “Being a mess is normal. But, Sierra, you’ve worked so hard to put yourself back together. Don’t let them break you again.”
“What if they don’t?” Sierra whispered. “What if they really have changed?”
“Then they’ll prove it,” Jett said firmly. “Over time. With actions, not words. But you don’t owe them anything. Not friendship, not forgiveness, nothing.”
Thalia squeezed Sierra’s hand. “Whatever you decide, we’ve got your back. Always. But promise me you won’t rush into anything. Your heart can’t take another hit like that.”
Sierra nodded, though she wasn’t sure she believed her own promise.
Later that afternoon, Sierra marched into Jonas’ office with her hands planted firmly on her hips and fire in her eyes.
“You absolutely KNEW Lauren would be at that shoot yesterday!”
Jonas looked up from his computer with the most sheepish expression she’d ever seen on his face. “I needed a makeup artist on short notice, and maybe I thought seeing each other again might help both of you get some closure. Did it work?”
Sierra stared at him for a long moment, trying to decide if she wanted to throttle him or thank him. “I don’t know yet. Ask me in six months.”
“That’s fair,” he answered carefully. “Are you okay?”
“No,” she said honestly. “But I will be. Probably.”
That evening, Sierra sat at her kitchen table with Salem supervising from his perch on the windowsill. She pulled out a fresh journal, not the grief-stained one from the past few months, but something clean and new. She opened it to the first page and stared at the blank lines.
She wanted to make lists, ground rules, some kind of plan that would make sense of the chaos in her head. But every time she put pen to paper, the words felt wrong. Too neat. Too hopeful. Too scared.
Sierra stared at the blank journal page, pen hovering. She had no idea what came next, and for the first time in months, she wasn’t sure if that terrified or excited her.
What she did know was that tomorrow, she’d have to decide whether to text Lauren back. Whether to take the first step on whatever path they were building. Whether to risk her heart again on someone who’d already broken it once.
The thought made her stomach clench, but it also made her feel alive in a way she’d forgotten was possible.
Salem meowed softly, as if sensing her turmoil, and she reached over to scratch his ears.
“What do you think, buddy? Am I completely insane?”
Salem blinked slowly and settled into a loaf position, which Sierra chose to interpret as “proceed with caution, but proceed.”
She closed the journal and headed to bed, still no closer to answers but somehow okay with the uncertainty. Tomorrow would bring whatever it brought. Tonight, she just had to survive the wanting.