Chapter Thirty-Three
P
Arabella eyed her reflection in the mirror hanging in her bedchamber. On either side of the earl’s bead were Linus’s. She ran her fingers over all three. Life had left her so often questioning if she was loved or even cared for. Yet here was a reminder of Linus’s affection.
She smiled to herself. The man she loved cared about her in return. Years of heartache eased at the simple but profound realization. She, who had always longed to be loved, could clearly see that possibility in her future at last.
“Shall we go down to dinner?” Mater stood in the doorway.
Arabella stepped away from the mirror and toward the door. “Will Charlie be joining us?”
“I believe he will be.” Mater’s gaze fell on Arabella’s necklace. “You’ve added new beads to the one my husband left for you.”
Arabella set her hand over the adornment. “You knew about his gift to me?”
Mater smiled gently. “My dear Arabella, his fondness for you was not a secret. Neither was he the only one who cared for you.”
“The boys did enjoy having me join in their battle reenactments.” Those had been happy times.
“The earl was always very kind to me. I wondered what it would be like if—Had I been—” She had never spoken aloud her wish to be part of his family.
She found she couldn’t now. “He was always kind when he saw me, but he never sought me out. He never . . . I have always been very easily forgotten.”
“My husband visited your uncle’s home many times.” Mater sat on the edge of Arabella’s bed and folded her hands on her lap.
“He visited my uncle,” Arabella clarified.
“Do you know why?”
She had never been made privy to his reasons. “Estate business?”
“Your uncle’s estate held no sway over any of my husband’s holdings, neither would my husband have responded to a summons from your uncle.”
She hadn’t thought of that. What influence could Uncle have possibly had that would have brought the late earl to Hampton House? She sat beside Mater. “He came quite often though.”
“He was attempting to negotiate something of great importance but also of a tremendously sensitive nature.” Mater set her hand on Arabella’s. “He was trying to arrange for you to come live with us.”
Every thought fled. Her heart seized painfully. She had begged the earl to let her live with his family at Lampton Park. But he had told her no.
“We made every attempt to convince your uncle to legally grant us guardianship. He was willing, provided we paid regular sums of money to him, the amount of which he increased every time we discussed the arrangements. Though we were not unwilling, we knew perfectly well that he would continue to demand more and more, knowing that he stood in a position to make you unhappy and that your happiness mattered to us.”
“Blackmail,” Arabella whispered.
“Essentially.” Mater shook her head, her eyes unfocused.
“He would never have stopped. Lucas very much feared that if we were to pay the ransom your uncle demanded, it would only be a matter of time before that information was bandied about the neighborhood. Those rumors would have shadowed you all your life. He could not bear the thought of causing you such misery.”
Mater turned her gaze on Arabella once more.
“He never stopped trying though. He did manage to arrange it by convincing your new aunt that should you be attached to Lampton Park, you would be granted a London Season and she would benefit from that social standing. Your aunt, in turn, would prevent your uncle from demeaning you and your presence at Lampton Park, as that would interfere with the benefit she would receive from your situation.”
“I was to come live with you?”
Mater nodded. “Lucas bought that necklace as a ‘welcome home’ present to give to you on the day you were to come to our home.”
Arabella wrapped her fingers around her beads. She tried to swallow, but her throat had grown too thick. “But I never came to live with you.”
“No, you didn’t.” Mater’s voice lost most of its volume.
“Why not?”
Mater blinked a few quick times in succession.
Redness touched the rims of her eyes. “He died.” She took a breath and pressed on.
“The law does not truly permit a lady guardianship of anyone, not even her own children. My husband had arranged for trustees who would not interfere with my efforts to raise our sons should he be taken from us unexpectedly. That foresight proved almost prophetic. He had no ability, however, to make arrangements for me to be appointed your guardian, despite his agreement with your uncle. My husband’s passing put a permanent end to our hopes for you.
I could not bring you to the Park, though I wanted to. ”
“You did?”
Mater sighed. “It breaks my heart that you are unsure of that.”
“I never knew.” She had never been told any of this.
“We did not wish to raise hopes in you that would be dashed should our efforts fail. And after Lucas’s passing, I couldn’t bear to tell you what had almost been. I could hardly think of it myself.”
She had come so close to her dreams. So very close.
“I should have attempted to bring you home long before now. I believe your aunt and uncle would have parted with you, but there was no explanation for it that would prevent the neighborhood from speculating. Then Philip married, and I prepared to remove to the dower house.”
“And the neighborhood could be made to believe that you wished for a lady’s companion.”
Mater nodded. “I ought to have explained it to you. I tried more than once. But discussing those last months of Lucas’s life is still difficult. The words simply would not come.”
“Did—Did he love me?”
“Oh, Arabella.” Mater squeezed her hand. “He loved you so very much. He thought of you as his own child. If he were still here—” Emotion cut off her words. “He likely would be disappointed in me that I left you to wonder about his feelings for so long.”
“And in me for doubting him in the first place.” Tears started in her eyes. “He showed me such love, yet I didn’t allow myself to believe it.”
Mater smiled, the expression a little sad but also a little wistful. “Were he here, he would take the two of us in his arms, tell us he loved us, and insist we trust the depth of his regard. And then he would do everything in his power to make certain we believed him.”
Oh, how she had loved him.
“He would be heartbroken to think you spent so many years feeling forgotten,” Mater said. “He would never want you to feel anything less than cherished.”
“Do you think he would have liked Linus?”
Mater raised an eyebrow. “He is ‘Linus’ now, is he?”
Heat filled Arabella’s face. “Mr. Lancaster.”
Mater laughed. “You might as well call him Linus. I know full well how the two of you feel about each other. I’ve known for ages.”
She couldn’t hold back a pleased smile. “We’ve only known for a few hours.”
“You’ve known,” Mater said. “You simply hadn’t admitted it yet.”
Heavens, that was true. “He gave me the new beads.”
Mater nodded. “I suspected as much.”
Arabella slid one jade bead along the chain. “I think the earl would approve of him.”
“If my Lucas could see your Linus’s tenderness for you, he would more than approve of him; he would love him.”
Arabella closed her eyes, memories of the earl filling her thoughts. “I wish he were here.”
“So do I,” Mater said. “I wish it every day. Every single day. But I see him in his sons. I see him in you.”
That pulled Arabella’s gaze to Mater once more. The fondness she saw there soothed so many of a lifetime’s uncertainties.
“To know that the influence of my beloved Lucas is still being felt comforts me beyond words. He lives on, and he has not been forgotten.”
“And he never will be,” Arabella said. She put her arms around Mater and received a tight embrace in return. Years of loneliness were fading away.
She was loved.