33. Go, Team Netta
33
GO, TEAM NETTA
Frank liked to jump in the shower straight after a run, but Colin had beaten him to it. It was yet another annoyance to add to his tally of annoyances that morning. He went up to his bedroom and did some stretches while he waited. Colin was still in the bathroom when he’d finished stretching, so he stripped down to his shorts and checked himself out in the mirror. Not that he was vain or anything but since starting this healthy lifestyle, he liked to keep track of the size of his paunch on a regular basis. It was definitely slimming down. When he’d been staying at Grace’s farm on that Scottish trip, he’d been painting on the beach when he saw Doogie out running. The sight of him moving like a gazelle across the sand had been enough to blast Frank’s confidence to pieces. Next to Doogie Chambers, he’d felt like one seriously fat old fuck. He still had a way to go before he was properly fit, but he was on the right path now. He’d liked to have said standing next to Doogie no longer made him feel like an inferior species, but he wasn’t quite there yet.
At last, Colin vacated the bathroom. Frank grabbed a clean towel and zipped in. He muttered a curse when he saw the empty shampoo bottle. Fucking Colin got through shampoo like nobody’s business. What the hell did he do with it? He went to the back of the cabinet for his secret stash of the special stuff he kept for when Netta stayed over and felt a twinge of regret stabbing his heart. He thought of last night, those gorgeous eyes of hers flashing at him, blue like a summer’s midnight and so angry, and wondered if she’d ever stay over again.
Colin was making coffee and toast. Frank poured some granola into a bowl, went to the fridge and did another silent curse when he pulled out the milk. That too was nearly all gone.
Colin gave him a guilty look. ‘I’ll go to the shops this morning and top up on supplies.’
‘Aren’t you supposed to be at the allotment?’
‘No, not today. Arthur has something on. I may go later on my own.’
‘Liza’s coming over around eleven to finish your portrait.’
Colin nodded.
‘You were late last night.’
‘Keeping tabs on me?’
‘No. I happened to be awake.’
‘Don’t worry I was staying out of trouble.’ The petulance of the man. You’d think he was fifteen not fifty-something. It would have come as no great surprise if he’d stormed off to his bedroom in a strop. As it was, he slugged down the coffee and made himself another one with the last of the milk.
Frank bit his tongue, picked up his breakfast and went outside to eat it in the sunshine before any more grievances could be added to the tally.
You might know the other bane of his current life was out there. Over in Netta’s garden, Doogie was walking up and down, talking on the phone, a cup of something hot in his other hand. Probably coffee. Doogie Chambers was making coffee with Frank’s machine. The machine that Netta had bought specifically for him. There you go then. More fresh outrage. He just couldn’t get away from it.
Doogie finished his call and stood for a few minutes, staring into space. Then he walked up to Frank and sat down next to him. Frank noted he hadn’t asked if it was okay to do so. That tally was getting pretty long now.
‘You know, we should be working together.’ Doogie put his mug down on the table.
Frank couldn’t resist a sneaky look. As he suspected, it was coffee. Fecking cheek of the man. ‘In what respect?’
‘To get shot of that wanker. You do want to get rid of him, don’t you? I know I do.’
Colin let out a loud cough. ‘I’m only in here. I can actually hear you.’
Doogie kissed his teeth. ‘Well then get out here, wanker.’
‘I can’t. Will might come out.’
‘He’s gone to his girlfriend’s.’
Colin came outside. ‘And if you don’t mind, I’d rather you didn’t call me a wanker.’
‘Accountant wanker then.’
‘How about cutting out the wanker bit altogether? And for your information, I stopped being an accountant years ago.’
Doogie pushed a chair towards Colin with his foot. ‘Yeah, I know.’
Colin pulled the chair a bit further away and sat down, not looking entirely comfortable. All the same, he couldn’t seem to resist the sarcasm: ‘Oh I see. It was just a little joke, was it?’
Doogie turned his head towards him. Frank couldn’t see his expression but, judging by the way Colin shrank back, it was probably sinister. ‘When are you going back to your own house?’
‘Surely you’re not bored of me already?’ Colin was clearly trying to brazen it out. In Frank’s opinion, that was a mistake.
‘Mate, I’ve been bored of you since the first time I laid eyes on you.’ Ouch. Frank almost felt for Colin.
Colin flinched then tried to hide it with a sneery little laugh. ‘Kick a man when he’s down, why don’t you?’
Doogie sucked the air through his teeth again. ‘The problem with wankers like you is you see being down as an opportunity. You’ll do anything to milk every last drop of sympathy out of Netta and bleed her dry.’
‘I won’t. You’ve got me all wrong. It’s not like that.’
‘It had better not be. Because if you try to fuck her up again, I’m coming after you.’
So that was what Doogie was doing here. Word must have got to him, and he was here to protect Netta. He was doing the job Frank should have been doing, if only Frank hadn’t been behaving like a nob of the highest order. He gave Colin his hardest stare which arguably was probably nowhere near as hard as Doogie’s, but he was new to this intimidating looks business. ‘And I’ll be right beside him.’
Colin stood up and stuck his fist in the air. ‘Go, Team Netta.’ Then he hotfooted it inside, presumably in case Team Netta battered the living daylights out of him.
A few minutes later, they heard the front door slam. ‘He’ll be back. He’s got nowhere else to go,’ said Frank.
‘We need to get him back into his own place.’
‘You’re right, but I don’t know how. He seems to be happy with the current arrangement.’
‘He’s not the only one. Everybody’s getting a bit too used to the current arrangement. It’s like they’ve accepted him being here. You know what I mean?’
‘I do.’ Frank hadn’t seen it before, but now that he’d had it pointed out to him, it was obvious. Everyone was just getting on with things as if it was the most natural thing in the world to have Colin here. Including Netta and including him. And the thing was, the more they got used to it, the easier it was for Colin to get inside their heads and spoil everything. And one thing was plain to see, he’d already got into Netta’s head. ‘If we’re going to change things, we need to get Netta back onside.’
‘Yeah. So I guess that means you’re going to have to apologise to her then.’
Ah. Frank hadn’t thought of that.