Chapter 12
M-Kiss-Communication
Holly
The morning has been a blur, and I’m not sure if the rest of the day will be the same or not, but I’m ready for today to end.
I look at the courthouse. I'm still in the parking lot and not quite ready to go inside. A car door slams, and I turn to see Reina skipping toward me, the skirt of her lilac dress flowing around her. She’s stunning with her brown hair in a messy side braid, and I can totally see why social media easily accepted her as the love of my brother’s life.
Her arms wrap around me when she reaches me, my brother a step behind her. I welcome the embrace and soak in the warmth of her hug. She’s been the sister I’ve never had, and I can’t even express how grateful I am that she came into Alex's life and mine.
Reina’s excitement is palpable, and she pulls back, gripping my arms as she bounces on her toes. “I’m so excited for you, Holly. Mateo is an amazing man. Give this marriage a real chance, sister.”
I shake my head and extract myself from her grip. “This is just for a year and it’s only to help get creeps away from me.”
Her lips quirk. “I’m sure that’s how this started, but that isn’t how this has to end. Just enjoy spending time together, okay? That’s all I ask.”
I nod, my throat tightening.
Enjoy spending time with Mateo? That’s not the hard part. Is he going to enjoy spending time with me, is the real question.
I let out a deep breath and turn to see Hudson, the grandpa I never had, and my favorite person from Bolt, Oregon, approaching me.
He’s wearing a navy blue suit with pin-stripes, a lilac pocket square, and a tie to match.
If he wasn’t old enough to be my grandpa, I might have asked him to marry me after seeing him all dressed up.
Hudson pulls me into a hug and I melt into his embrace. He squeezes me tight, still strong even for his age. “You know, Holly girl, I thought you and our Mateo would be a good match the first time we met.”
I lean back and look into Hudson’s weathered face. “Really? We didn’t even talk to each other that first time you came to visit.”
He grins wryly, the wrinkles on his cheeks pronounced, showing the years he’s spent smiling.
“That boy was so tongue-tied he couldn’t get a single word out.
Usually he’s a charmer and has no trouble talking, but when he saw you, his whole world changed.
He would have asked you on a real date if there weren’t a thousand miles separating the two of you. ”
I think back to the first time I met Hudson and Mateo, when they came to talk sense into my brother and convince him to go back to Bolt for Reina.
Hudson charmed me the minute I walked in the door while Mateo just stared.
I thought he was a little socially awkward, not gonna lie, but my brother deemed him his best friend, so I didn’t question why he was there. “I just thought he was quiet.”
Hudson barks out a laugh. “Quiet? Our Mateo? No way. You just happen to bring out his more serious side. When he warms up and gets more comfortable around you, I’m sure you’ll see the goofy side we’re all used to.”
My mind races back to when Mateo stopped me in the Walmart parking lot and proposed next to my car. He said I’d never think of Walmart parking lots the same again, and he’s right. “I think I’ve seen a bit of it.”
Hudson gently grips my hand, wrapping my arm around his, and walks me toward the courthouse doors. “You’ll be good for each other, and who knows? Maybe this will last longer than you think.”
“We’ll see,” I whisper before straightening my spine and taking a deep breath. I can do this.
Reina and Alex walk in the building first and Mateo's family quickly pulls them into hugs. Cruz and Nadia are in matching lilac-colored dresses and stand next to their parents. Mateo got his wish, and his sisters are playing the part of bridesmaid and flower girl. They’re holding small bouquets, but we decided they wouldn’t be throwing any flower petals.
I tighten my grip on Hudson’s arm, avoiding looking at the one person left in the room I’ve yet to acknowledge.
This is it. I’m about to make a decision that’s going to change my life. Even if we’ll only be married for a year, this experience will change me forever. There’s no going back now.
I turn and see Mateo in a suit. I notice his hair first. His curls are tamed without losing their distinct wave, and his beard is trimmed short and looking extra polished.
He’s wearing a gray suit with a lilac-colored tie that matches the bridesmaid dresses.
Come to think of it, it matches the tie Alex and Hudson are wearing too.
His slacks are pressed and ironed just right, and his black shoes are shiny.
I finish my perusal and look back up into his eyes. They’re misty and his smile is wide as he looks at me. It’s the look I’ve always wanted to see on a man’s face, and I’m in disbelief that the first time I’m seeing it is from my name-only future husband right before we get married.
Hudson tugs me forward, and his shuffled gait is the perfect pace for me as I reel in my emotions.
I’m glad I don’t have a long white dress on, or else I’d have stepped on it and tripped at some point. I’ve had years of practice in ball gowns and formal wear, but this courthouse is doing something to my nerves, and my white midi dress is the perfect length for not tripping.
I stare into Mateo’s eyes and watch as a single tear slides down his cheek. He doesn’t even wipe it away, just leaving it there for me and everyone else to see.
I almost wish we were getting married in a church and that this was real with all the real getting-married-for-love feelings. I wonder how many tears he would shed then, because this one is doing something to me.
It’s as if that singular tear has washed away the anxiety gripping my chest. A peace I’ve only ever felt from attending church surrounds me.
This man, who stands next to my brother and is his best friend, is someone I’m just starting to know well. Yet, he’s shedding a tear as I walk up to him in a wedding dress in a courthouse.
The laundry list of reservations I have about this marriage is shoved into the washer to disintegrate until my anxiety wants to piece it back together at a later date.
I shouldn’t fall in love with Mateo. It’ll make our lives messy, and mine already feels like a pile of wet laundry thrown on the floor.
So why does this feel so right?
Mateo holds out his hand and Hudson takes mine, slipping it into Mateo’s before backing away. Mateo’s calloused hands wrap around mine. They’re warm and comforting, and his touch makes me feel safe.
We stand there looking at each other for who knows how long before a worker comes up to us and leads us to a small room. There’s nothing particularly memorable about the building and this space in particular. It’s efficient, and that’s really all we cared about.
A tinge of regret hits me at the fact we won’t be getting married in a cute chapel, or even in a spot that means something to the two of us. It didn’t feel right to get married in a church knowing our arrangement isn’t supposed to last. I didn’t want this to feel like a lie before God.
I shake my head, my wavy curls falling over my shoulders, the loose half-updo another reminder of how I’m limiting the fanfare of this ceremony. I got ready by myself, did my own makeup and hair, and picked a dress that was simple and nothing like my dream wedding dress.
I stand with Mateo at the front of the room, the only thing connecting us are our joined hands, and watch as our family files in and sits in the few chairs provided for guests.
The employee pulls out the paperwork and begins talking.
His words go in one ear and out the other because Mateo is looking at me and I can’t break away from his gaze. He’s looking at me like I’m beautiful.
The officiant asks a question, and Mateo turns back to him, uttering two words: “I do.”
I can’t catch my breath. Oxygen is trapped in my lungs.
I look at Alex and Reina. They’re smiling, and their grins don’t even look fake. Hudson’s wrinkled grin is wide from where he sits next to Alex. Mateo’s family, who are sitting behind my brother and his wife, even look joyful. Tears stain his mother’s cheeks as she smiles at us.
No one looks worried about Mateo and me getting married.
No one looks like Mateo is making the biggest mistake of his life.
But he is.
In what has to be less than thirty seconds but feels like eternity, my mind and heart are at war with each other.
Panic races through my limbs while peace emanates from my heart.
A heavy weight sits on my chest as I struggle to take in air.
Shouldn’t someone be worried about this? Why is no one protesting?
Fingers squeeze mine, and the warmth from Mateo’s hand travels up my arm, chasing away the icy tendrils of panic and strengthening the warm peace in my heart. My eyes snap to his and he barely tilts his toward the officiant. His lips quirk and he winks at me before focusing on the officiant.
I’m supposed to respond, and when I look at the officiant he looks at me expectantly.
“I do,” I whisper with all the strength I have in the midst of my panic attack.
Time slows as the officiant concludes the ceremony. “You may now kiss the bride.”
My eyes widen.
We forgot to talk about this beforehand. Did Mateo talk to him about a kiss? I didn't.
How did I not talk to Mateo about kissing? Obviously that was a gross oversight on my part.
Seriously, how did I miss this plot hole in my plan?
A shiver travels up my spine as Mateo hooks his arm around my waist, gently pulling me against him. His cologne wafts over me, and I can’t help but inhale his scent as his hand comes up and cradles my cheek. His eyes never leave mine as our faces get closer and closer together.
“Mateo,” I squeak as my breathing quickens, my heart rate rivaling the fastest race car.
He smiles. “It’s okay, mi vida. Just this one kiss.”
I’m regretting not taking Spanish classes in school, but quickly forget my question about what he called me as he leans down toward me. Our faces are so close I can’t see straight. I close my eyes as his thumb softly caresses my cheek, goosebumps trailing behind his touch.
My hands tremble against his chest. How they got there: I have no idea, but they feel ready to wrap themselves around Mateo’s neck and pull him down for a kiss.
The anticipation is killing me as tingles erupt from each spot our bodies touch and I lean toward him, closing the distance between us one millimeter at a time.
One question flits through my mind as soft lips touch mine.
Anticipation?