32. Chapter 32
Chapter thirty-two
Tallahassee
Darren’s confinement ended, but he refuses to see me. He won’t answer my calls or texts. He hasn’t come to McQueen’s, and his teammates tell me that outside of work, he isn’t leaving his apartment.
He’s angry. I understand that. Three years later, I’ve accepted what happened to me, but if I’m honest, I’m still pissed about it.
I remember those first few months after my life was destroyed.
Knowing everything I worked my entire life for was being torn away because of someone else’s choices. Someone else’s lies.
Who you were starts to blur, then shatters into someone unrecognizable, and suddenly you’re not the same person anymore. The life you knew, the sense that life is good, vanishes when it’s stolen from you.
I did the same thing he’s doing. I isolated myself. Left calls unanswered. Avoided questions from friends and family. I couldn’t stand how differently they treated me, and I especially hated seeing their pity.
What happened to me wasn’t fair then, and what’s happening to Darren isn’t fair now.
It was only much later I realized that shutting myself away didn’t just hurt me, but the people who love and care about me too.
Now that I’m the one being ignored, the irony of how it feels isn’t lost on me.
Being on the other side of it slices deeper than I ever thought possible.
On the plus side, other than a few people on base, no one knows who he is. He’s not being chased down by the public or the media. The internet isn’t in a feeding frenzy, creating insulting memes and calling him offensive names.
At least he’s been allowing Ralph to see him, even if Ralph has to force his way in. He tells me Darren’s doing as well as can be expected. But I’m not sure he’s telling me everything.
I leave voicemails and send daily texts but never get a response.
Like all the others, today’s attempt went unanswered.
I’ve given Darren space, but it’s been long enough.
So, I’ve decided to take a risk, a more direct approach, and show up at his apartment.
While Ralph assures me Darren is hanging in there, I have to hear from him that he’s alright. I need to see him with my own eyes.
I’m nervous about arriving uninvited and unannounced. I’m not sure what I’m going to say, but I’m not letting that stop me.
It takes several tries before he finally swings the door open.
When I catch sight of him, my knees almost buckle.
There’s something different about him. He’s Edgier. Harder. More severe than I’ve ever seen him. He’s been drinking. I can smell whiskey, and he hasn’t shaved in days. The sight of him like this makes me want to cry.
His shoulders tense when he sees me. Irritation flashes across his face. He scowls and stares at me. He’s not happy to see me.
It’s eviscerating, but I can’t blame him. I’m responsible for wrecking his life.
I try to keep my emotions in check, but the truth of it hits me hard. My mouth goes dry, and my hands start twisting together.
“Hi.” It’s ridiculous and lame. But it’s the best I can come up with.
His jaw ticks and his eyes darken. “You shouldn’t be here.” His voice is hard and angry.
“I’m so sorry, Darren. This is all my fault.”
“No, Tallahassee. It’s my fault. My consequences. A result of my choices.”
That only makes me feel worse. If he hadn’t been protecting me, none of this would be happening to him. The air hangs heavy between us. The stillness filling the space is excruciating. What can I say to him when there aren’t words that can fix this?
After a long silence, he straightens to his full height, his stormy hazel eyes boring into me. “I can’t do this, Tallahassee. It’s best if we stop seeing each other.”
A searing pain detonates in my chest.
“No. Darren no. You don’t mean that. This whole mess has gotten out of hand, and it’s understandable that you’re upset. But—”
“I’m sorry, Tallahassee,” he interrupts. “But I do mean it. The evidence is stacked against me. They’re going to put me on trial, and they will convict me.”
The hopelessness that surrounds him breaks my heart. “You don’t know that,” I say softly. “I know things don’t look good right now, but you didn’t do anything wrong. When the truth comes out, they’ll see that.”
“No. They won’t. The evidence is stacked against me. They’re going to send me to prison. There’s no hope for the two of us. We have no future.”
“Darren, no,” I sound as desperate as I feel. “I can testify. I can tell them what happened.”
“It won’t matter.” He shakes his head. “This is for the best.”
Best for who?
“It’s over, Tallahassee,” he snaps, his tone sharp enough to cut. “Go home and don’t come back.”
My vision goes watery, and my heart begins thundering in my chest. “Please don’t do this,” I beg.
His expression doesn’t waver. His body is stiff.
His cold, hollow voice resolute. Like a knife plunging into my heart.
“I’m sorry, Tallahassee. It’s already done.
” I know what’s happening to him is my fault.
Jesus, he’s facing years in prison…and it’s all because of me.
He must hate me. How can I condemn him for not wanting to see me again?
I turn and slink away. Once again, Vincent’s lies have destroyed my happiness, and this time, they’re ruining Darren’s life too. I should’ve stayed gone. If I’d never come home, he wouldn’t have met me, and none of this would’ve happened to him.
It’s my own fault for letting Darren get involved with me in the first place. For believing I could have a relationship with him. I don’t regret being with him, but I should’ve known better. I should’ve known it could never last.
I’m toxic.
I finally find the one and he’s ripped away from me. And somehow, I manage to wreck his life in the process.
I trudge down the stairs, and when I reach my car, I turn back for a last look. My pulse slams against my ribs as our eyes meet across the distance. The connection holding for a few brief seconds.
Then he closes the door and my heart shreds into a million,million jagged pieces. The pain tears me open and lays me bare, leaving behind a Darren-sized hole in my chest.