Chapter 16
Lindsey
I’m still reeling from one of—scratch that—the best orgasm of my life. The fact that I’m still standing and not lying on the floor in a gooey puddle is a surprise.
“I didn’t come here for this,” Bannik says. “Not that I wish it hadn’t happened, but I do not want you to think I was here for only this one thing, given how late it is.”
His reassurance is nice to hear but not really necessary. I kiss him once more. “I don’t think that.”
“Good.”
“Do you want to come sit? Have a drink with me?” Without waiting for Bannik’s response, I take his hand and tug him away from the door and farther into the living area. “You look like you’ve had a rough day.”
I’m not sure how I can tell since it’s not as if Bannik’s moods should be that obvious to me.
Yet somehow, the knowledge settles inside my brain.
He drops down onto the sofa with a heavy sigh.
Or maybe a relieved one. I move to head for the kitchen to grab some plyka squirreled away in the cooling unit, but instead, Bannik pulls me down onto his lap.
It occurs to me that both of us have damp pants—a fact I should be far more self-conscious of—but it doesn’t appear to bother him, so I won’t let it bother me either.
“All I need is this—you.”
Oh.
I settle more heavily against his hard chest, trying to ignore the way he smells and the significant bulge I’m sprawled sideways across.
I shift my hips a little to get more comfortable, but when Bannik’s grip tightens on my thigh and a deep groan rumbles through his body, I freeze because the bulge hardens more than it already had been.
So soon after coming just a few minutes ago?
“Sorry.” Is that my voice sounding so breathless? Obviously.
He chuckles, the sound rough and raspy. “Somehow I’m not sure that’s the truth.”
My cheeks heat, because he might be right. Pseudo-grinding on Bannik may not have been my intention, but there’s certainly no regret on my part for having done it. Doing my best, I ignore the large dick digging into the upper part of my thigh where it meets the curve of my ass.
“You look exhausted.” But weirdly, also semi-keyed up. “Are you sure there isn’t something I can get you?”
He tightens the hold he has on me, as if he’s afraid to let go. “No. Let us just sit here like this.”
“Okay.” I lay my head on his shoulder and absorb his warmth. Not that it’s cold in here, but Bannik’s like my own personal heating unit.
“Did you do anything enjoyable today?” he asks, his voice gone soft and quiet.
“I had breakfast with the girls, and then we did some shopping. Well, Olivia did most of it, but I did break down and buy a plant.” I lift my head to meet his gaze. “I still need to pay you back for the one you bought and had delivered.”
Bannik gives me a hard look. “It was a gift. There is no reason for you to pay. I would not accept your credits anyway.”
I decide not to feel guilty about accepting it. “Well, thank you. It is a beautiful gift.”
He glances over to where it sits before looking back. “Not nearly as beautiful as you.”
My cheeks are probably beet red by now, but I hold his stare. “Can I ask you something?”
Why am I doing this to myself?
“You may always ask me anything.”
I glance away but then force myself to meet his eyes again. “Are you disappointed I’m not Quinn? I know you liked—”
Bannik rests his finger over my lips, halting my words.
“From the moment our eyes met that first time, no other female has existed but you. Nor have I wished otherwise. Why would I be disappointed that you are anyone but Lindsey of Earth? There is no way I could be. You are the only female who exists for me.”
My heart skips several beats, and a warmth settles dead center in my chest. Along with it is this sense of calming peace I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before.
No, that’s not true. I’ve definitely never felt it before.
I lean in and kiss Bannik. Heat and passion are present, but also…
more. Something deeper that I’m scared to name.
Once more, I lay my head on his shoulder and rest my hand over his beating heart.
Quinn and Olivia told me that for Bohnari, finding their heart’s fire is the same as falling in love.
Transcends it, really. They mate for life with any female, even one who isn’t their heart’s fire, but those kinds of matings are often more about sex and sating the mating fever.
For a Bohnari to find the single female who keeps the fever burning but tames the beast that resides inside them, though? That is rare, according to Quinn.
“Are you disappointed I am not Lorik?” Bannik’s question is quiet, and his breath blows warm across my cheek, fluttering my hair.
I sit up and decide to be bold. For once.
I straddle his lap and kiss him, putting every emotion that’s been crashing through me since he showed back up in Preska into it.
He opens for my questing tongue. I lap up his flavor, letting it coat the inside of my mouth before swallowing it down.
Nothing has ever tasted as good as Bannik does.
A tearing sound draws my head back. I glance down to find his claws have punctured the cushion of the sofa with the strength of his clenched fists.
It’s a sight that should terrify me but, instead, sends a pulsing wave of pleasure through my body.
Of their own volition, my hips roll, and I rub myself against Bannik’s rigid cock.
My lungs seize, and for a beat, I’m breathless.
How could I possibly be disappointed that he isn’t Lorik?
Except, he’s the one who needs to hear that.
“Lorik never made me feel the way you do. No one ever has. I could never—will never—be disappointed that you are anyone but Bannik.”
If I weren’t grinding against him, I’m not sure I would have felt him go completely still for a brief second.
The flames dancing in the onyx depths of his eyes smother like they’ve been doused with water.
His claws retract, and carefully, he extricates himself from beneath me and scoots so far to the end of the sofa he’s practically on the arm of it.
He drops his head into his hands and expels a long, ragged breath.
An icky sensation lands in my stomach. I reach out to touch his arm but draw back at the last second.
“Bannik?”
He flinches before raising his head to stare at me. His mouth opens, but he shuts it before any sound emerges. Finally, he shakes his head and stands, while all I can do is continue sitting there wondering, what the hell just happened?
“It’s late, and I have an early patrol shift tomorrow.” I move to get up, but Bannik holds out his hand. “No, just stay there.”
Even though his tone is flat and even, I still jerk as if he physically hurt me.
“Gods’ blood, Lindsey, I’m sorry.” He lowers himself to his knees in front of me and carefully cradles one side of my face.
A huge part of me wants to lean into his touch, but the part that continues to hurt wins out and I remain stiff and barely blinking.
“I apologize. As you have said, it was a rough day. Will you forgive me?” Bannik asks with so much earnestness, all I can do is nod.
He studies me far too intently a moment longer before slowly leaning in to kiss me lightly.
There’s no lingering or falling deeper into the sensation, because he draws away.
His eyes move side to side as he scans my face.
I try to read his expression, but he keeps it carefully blank.
On the other hand, I’m not sure I’m as skilled at keeping my emotions in check as he is.
No doubt he’s reading the confusion, hurt, and uncertainty that are tangled up in a giant knot inside me.
“You make me question everything,” Bannik says in a strange tone.
“Why does that sound like a bad thing?” And what does he need to question? Was he lying before? “Are you sure it’s not Quinn you are wishing were here?”
He rattles his head so fast. “No, I swear. On whatever honor I have left, I swear you are the only female I want or need.”
“Then what happened just now? Did I do something wrong?” I’m trying not to be hurt, but what else is there to assume? “It’s not like I know you that well, but it’s almost as if you’re a different person than before the attacks. Help me understand.”
Bannik’s expression is pained. “There are things I can’t tell you. Not yet. I know I am asking a lot since we are only beginning to get to know each other, but I am asking you to trust me. My…actions are not because of you or anything you’ve done or didn’t do.”
I study him, trying to read beneath the words he’s saying to the unspoken, but it’s all a mystery to me. He says there are things he can’t tell me yet, though I can’t help but hear “maybe not ever.” Except, what can I do other than what he’s asking and trust him?
“Okay. I’ll trust you.” Bannik leans in again to kiss me, but I place my finger over his lips. “Please don’t break my heart.”
Pain, or maybe regret, flashes in his eyes before he nods. “I will do everything in my power not to.”
Since that is the best I’m probably going to get, I suppose I have to take it. This time, it’s me who gives him a quick kiss. “I’m really glad you stopped by, but you should probably get some rest if you have a shift in the morning.”
He hesitates but finally stands, although he moves sluggishly.
Or, maybe more accurately, painfully. He towers over me, and while I should get up as well and walk him out, I can’t find the energy.
Bannik stares down at me for a few more seconds before he gives me what barely passes as a smile and heads for the door.
He opens it, pauses to glance over his shoulder, and once more studies me.
“Good night.” His voice is soft and quiet.
“Good night.”
Before I have a chance to say anything else—even if I wanted to—he steps out into the walkway and closes the door behind him. I have no idea how long I sit there before I drag myself into my bedroom and crawl beneath the covers. It’s even longer before I finally manage to fall asleep.