Chapter 18
Lindsey
I stroke the leaves of the postikar plant, but whereas two days ago that would have brought me a lot more comfort, today I’m feeling…
blue, I guess. Maybe a little annoyed as well.
Truthfully, my emotions are all over the damn place, and it’s Bannik’s fault.
Just when I tell myself to stop holding back, something happens that makes me question the decision.
Every time I close my eyes, I replay the image of him pulling away.
He’d given me the best orgasm of my life, and I’d swear we both experienced something special and a deeper connection.
Then, out of nowhere, he got weird. Closed off.
I’m doing my best not to overanalyze it and trust him like he’d asked me to.
It might help if I had someone to talk to, but everyone’s been MIA, most especially Bannik.
I haven’t seen him since he left the other night.
“Coming to Bohna was supposed to be this great and wonderful thing.” Except here I am, talking to a damn plant.
I mean, being on this planet is far better than being back on Earth and working at the sanitation facility. And living in the bottom tier. Women would kill to be where I am, and guilt eats at me for not appreciating more the opportunity I’ve been given.
It’s also not really like me to be so whiny and morose, and I hate it. Maybe I should take a page from Devon’s book and find a hobby besides my plants and flowers. Something that will force me out of my apartment and my mind off Bannik and the way he left the other night.
Determined to find the thing that gets me out of this funk, I store my watering can under the sink, check my reflection in the hygiene room, and head out of my apartment.
I take a quick glance out the windows toward the palace.
The sun shines brightly on the copper building and makes it sparkle.
Foot traffic moves quickly through the massive courtyard in front of the entrance.
It’s the greatest number of people I’ve seen since the attacks on the cities.
No one is rushing around or appearing frantic, so I don’t worry anything might be wrong.
The ride down to the first floor is quick, and I step out of the lift seconds after I entered it.
Several people loiter in the atrium, including Cadence and a Bohnari male I don’t recognize.
They sit close, leaning into each other’s space with their heads together and their knees almost touching, and my heart pinches at the sight.
The flush that covers her cheeks is visible even from this distance.
I’m happy for Cadence and her guy but envious as well when she laughs at whatever it is he says.
I slam open the doors, barreling through, and collide with a hard body. One that smells achingly familiar. Warm hands grip my hips, and I tip my head back to gaze up into Bannik’s eyes. Flames dance in their ebony depths, and my heart races at the heat in them.
“Lindsey.” His voice is rough and rumbles through my chest and lower.
“Hi.” I’m frozen in place, basking in the way he watches me as though he wants to devour me. A fact I’m not in the least opposed to either.
“Apologies. You appear to be on your way somewhere in a hurry.”
“Not really. I was only…” My laugh is awkward. “I didn’t really have a destination in mind. Just thought I needed to get out of my apartment.”
Bohnari don’t blush that I’ve ever noticed, but Bannik does appear to be ill at ease. “Once again, I must apologize. I have been a neglectful mate. My duties have kept me busy, but I should have sent a message telling you I have missed you.”
My heart skips a beat at the admission. I duck my head as my cheeks heat. “I’ve missed you too.”
Saying it out loud cements the fact even further. I have missed Bannik. Not just the way he makes me feel when we kiss and touch, but being in his presence soothes me in a way I didn’t fully recognize until this moment.
His warm, callused palm cradles my jaw, and he slides his fingers through the length of my hair. A shiver courses down my spine and across the back of my neck. My nipples harden, and a throbbing beat begins between my thighs.
“I am glad to hear this.” Bannik’s thumb caresses my skin in a gentle sweeping movement, and I lean into his touch.
His gaze skates down my body like he knows exactly how he’s affecting me. I can’t find it in me to be embarrassed either. Why should I? We’re mates who’ve already orgasmed together, and I’m completely on board to do it again. Soon. Somehow, I keep forgetting I’m supposed to be annoyed with him.
“I was coming to find you and thought perhaps we could go for a walk, if you don’t have anywhere else to be,” Bannik says.
“A walk would be lovely.”
To my surprise, he takes my hand and threads his fingers through mine. I shiver slightly at the way his calluses abrade my skin, but I like it. The few guys I’ve been with weren’t more than a night of lackluster sex, so I’ve never actually had someone hold my hand in this way.
“You said you’ve been busy with guard duty. Is everything all right? There aren’t any problems, are there?”
Bannik glances at me. “Nothing more than usual. A few altercations at one of the taverns that have needed breaking up, and now that port has reopened, we have increased guard presence there to ensure general safety protocols are adhered to.”
“I forget that ships often come to Preska for trading and refueling. It was one of the things we learned about on the flight here from Earth.”
“It’s not the biggest spaceport on Bohna, but there are enough off-world visitors that the presence of patrolling guards is necessary.”
We pass Bohnari and various other species on the streets, but no one pays us much attention other than a few of the guards out on patrol, who don’t appear too happy.
I’m not sure if it’s Bannik they’re not pleased with or the fact that he and I are together, leaving one less woman potentially available to one of them.
I feel bad there were only twenty of us to choose from, considering there are thousands of males on this planet searching for a mate.
“Do you know why Alik only asked for twenty women to be chosen?” It’s an abrupt shift in topic, which is obvious from the way Bannik blinks in clear confusion.
“I’m afraid I do not. If he shared that information with anyone, it wasn’t with me. Nor do I believe any of the other guards knows, aside from, perhaps, Horek.”
I nod in agreement. “I don’t know why the question suddenly popped into my head.”
“The question is a valid one, considering the number of males wishing for a mate far exceeds the number of females available,” Bannik agrees. “Perhaps the prince had every intention of requesting more volunteers once the rebellion had been squashed and the females already here had found a mate.”
“That makes sense. I mean, I can’t imagine how hard it is to see other Bohnari being mated, while you’re forced to rely on the kanet powder. It has to be difficult.”
He squeezes my hand gently. “My mate has a good and kind heart.”
“I try to.”
We pass through the market square, and Bannik slows when we reach the same flower and plant vendor where he purchased my gift for me.
“Would you like to see what he has today? Perhaps a new addition to your home garden is needed?”
I laugh. “You sound like Devon. She’s an enabler too, when it comes to encouraging me to buy more flowers for my apartment.”
“They clearly bring you joy, so what is the harm? We should all surround ourselves with the things we love.” Bannik’s tone goes soft, and I glance at him.
God, the way he’s watching me has me wondering if there’s a deeper meaning to his words.
I know the connection between a Bohnari male and his heart’s fire is so much more than a regular mating.
It transcends every emotion and both life and death.
I don’t know that I ever believed in fate or destiny before, but sometimes, like when Bannik looks at me the way he is in this moment, it’s not hard to imagine it exists.
“What has you so deep in thought?” he asks with a slight head tilt.
“Just how glad I am that my name was picked in the lottery to come here.” With my free hand, I cradle his jaw and rise up on the balls of my feet so I can reach his lips. The kiss is brief, but I still feel it all the way to my toes.
When it’s over, Bannik caresses my damp and, no doubt, shiny mouth with his thumb. “I am equally as glad. You are everything that has been missing in my life.”
As if whatever reservations or misgivings I’ve been having slide away, I want nothing more than to become his heart’s fire in truth.
So many unspoken truths still lie silent between us, but I have to stop thinking about them and trust my mate the way Quinn and Olivia trust theirs.
It’s like they both said—there is nothing a Bohnari won’t do to make sure his heart’s fire is happy, protected, and knows they’re his whole world.
“The loneliness I sometimes feel disappears when I’m with you.” It’s a hard admission to make. Being lonely, I mean.
“It is the same for me. My parents are gone, and any relationship I might have had with my brother has been destroyed. I thought I was surviving well without any of them, but that’s a lie.
The only thing I do is exist and let each day pass by without truly living.
It is a lonely existence. Then I met you, Lindsey.
I wish to spend every moment at your side.
” Bannik unthreads our fingers and cradles my face between his two strong but gentle hands as he stares intently into my eyes.
“Your face is the one I wish to see every night before I go to sleep and every morning when I wake. My entire being burns for you, and I would let myself go up in flames if it meant spending the rest of my existence proving I am a worthy mate for you.”
I grip his wrists tightly, anchoring myself to him. “I want all of those things as well.”
Before I can overthink things or second-guess myself yet again, I take Bannik’s hand once more, and together, we walk back to my apartment. No matter what happens in the future, I want this. I want him. I’m going to take what pleasure I can and pray I don’t get hurt in the end.