Chapter 26
Lindsey
Is this what being mated to a spy is like?
The constant stress and worry that they’re in danger because anything could happen to them?
If it is, then it sucks. Zero out of ten.
Do not recommend. My stomach’s in knots and has been ever since I came back to my room after Carrik left with that Ryvik guy.
There was a vibe to him that gave me the ick.
He was smarmy, but in a way that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
The tray of food I’d ordered when I came up here still sits on the kitchen counter, because I couldn’t eat it after it arrived.
I could have sent a comm to the girls, but they all had things to do after they left Erik’s, and I didn’t want to bug them.
Besides, I don’t want to share too much without Carrik’s okay.
The less knowledge they have about things, the better off they are.
They’re in less danger if they can’t answer questions.
“This is the worst feeling ever.” I stroke the leaves of a postikar plant but then cringe because I don’t want to pass any gross emotions to them. They should only receive love to keep them happy and blooming beautifully. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”
I’m pretty sure if any of my friends saw me having a conversation with my flowers, they’d shake their heads and just smile. Which is one of the many reasons why I love them and they love me. We accept one another’s quirks and idiosyncrasies. Those are the things that make us unique. Make us human.
I move to the nebjyre plant Carrik bought me and carefully caress its leaves as well.
It only brings me a small measure of peace this time, unlike how much I usually get from the action.
There’s no doubt in my mind; I’m not cut out to be the mate of a spy.
I know Carrik said he doesn’t plan on continuing to be a spy for Janik, but what if he doesn’t have a choice?
What happens if Janik won’t release him from his obligations?
Surely neither he nor the queen would do that, would they?
“God, this is stressing me out.” If I were a drinker, I’d be pulling out the plyka and having a glass. Except, now that I think about it, we drank it all last night.
I wish I knew which tavern Carrik and that Ryvik guy went to.
That way, I could send the cavalry in to rescue my man if needed.
No, I have to trust he can take care of himself.
He is a literal spy after all. I’m sure he’s well skilled in staying alive.
Oh shit. Ryvik wouldn’t try to kill him, would he?
Ugh, why does my chest hurt? Why am I having trouble breathing? Is this what a panic attack feels like?
I rub my sternum to try to ease the pinch, but it doesn’t help.
Nor does trying to slow and control my breaths.
When the knock at the door sounds, I shriek.
For god’s sake, woman, pull yourself together.
I push the display button, and on the security screen is Carrik.
Scrambling, I manage to get the door unlocked and yanked open.
The second I lay eyes directly on him, I throw myself into his arms.
“Are you okay? What happened? Where did you go? Did you find out what he wanted? Who the hell is he?”
Carrik chuckles and holds me close. “Breathe, my heart’s fire. I’m fine. Why don’t we go inside so I can close the door, and I’ll tell you everything I can.”
Reluctantly, I release him so he can do exactly what he said.
Once that’s done, I drag him to the sofa and run my hands over him to reassure myself he’s not injured or hurt in some way.
Thankfully, he doesn’t try to stop me. After I’m satisfied, I climb onto Carrik’s lap because I need to be as close to him as possible.
He holds me tightly, like he’s just as afraid to let me go.
“Okay, so what happened?”
He sighs. “I shouldn’t share what I learned with you. Not because I want to keep things from you, but because I want to keep you safe. The less you know, the less danger you’re in.”
Hadn’t I said the exact same thing about my friends? The less they knew, the safer they’d be? “Tell me what you can, at least. Please.”
There’s a short pause before Carrik finally talks.
“I will answer your last question first. Ryvik was—or perhaps still is—a rebel. He was the strategist behind all the sabotage Janik and the rest of us implemented. He planned everything we did to disrupt the trade lines, including vandalizing the shuttles and equipment. He was the one who organized the tampering of the drilling machinery that accidentally killed the Bohnari in the mines. And it was an accident.”
Oh my god. This guy—the one who’s been courting Cadence—was a rebel. Is she aware? “So he knows about Mohneek and Orvak, then? That they were the ones behind the bombing and attack on the cities? That they’re responsible for all those people dying? Did he plan those?” My voice breaks.
Carrik strokes my hair. “I don’t know for certain, but I have to assume he did. Unless Mohneek and Orvak had someone else working for them that I’m completely unaware of who coordinated the efforts.”
“If he did, then he murdered all those people.” Never in my life have I hated a person with the intensity that I do Ryvik.
I’m not sure I could have kept my feelings locked up when we saw him come out of the dormitory if I’d known this beforehand.
“Maybe this makes me a bad person, but I hope he gets whatever punishment he deserves.”
Carrik kisses the top of my head. “If I discover he is the one who planned the attacks, I swear I’ll make him suffer the consequences of his actions.”
I snuggle closer to him. “Thank you. So, what else did you two discuss?”
“Ryvik still believes me to be Bannik, so everything he told me was in relation to the male he knows as my brother. Which is that our father shared with Carrik a damaging secret of some horrific thing he’d done.
A secret that cannot get out to anyone, but especially to the royal family.
Ryvik showed me an encrypted correspondence allegedly from Carrik to his handler that said he is going to—and will—kill anyone who possesses this knowledge and might expose it. ”
I lift my head to gape at him. “Wait. You’re saying that your father shared some deep dark secret with you and you’re planning on murdering every single person who might also know what this deep, dark secret is just so Janik doesn’t find out about it?”
Carrik nods. “That is what Ryvik believes, yes.”
“I’m going to guess then that it’s not true? I mean that your dad told you whatever this shameful secret is?”
“He did not. I am also not certain there is a shameful secret.”
My forehead scrunches. “Then what’s this guy trying to do by telling you all this?”
“He wants Bannik to betray Carrik and get him to meet at a specific location. After that, Ryvik will…take care of things.”
I might be even more confused. “What do you mean ‘take care of things’?”
Once more, Carrik hesitates. But this time, it lasts much longer than the first time. “He plans on killing Carrik.”
The silence hangs for a minute while my brain processes what he just said. When it does, I jump to my feet.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” My whole body shakes as I stare down at him. “Absolutely not. You’re not going to meet up with this psychopath so he can try to kill you. He’s already most likely killed countless Bohnari. You’re out of your goddamn mind if you think I’m going to let you do that.”
Carrik reaches for my hand and tugs me back onto his lap. I fight halfheartedly while he strokes my back and speaks softly to me until I manage to semi-calm down. “You forget, my heart’s fire, that Ryvik believes I am Bannik. It is not me he wishes to remove from this planet, but my brother.”
I sag a little. “Oh. Obviously, you’re not going to let the real Bannik meet with Ryvik under the pretense that he’s there as you, are you?”
Carrik tightens his hold on me. “I do not know what I’m going to do.
My brother has only been called to the palace four times since he became a guard.
Once was when he was accepted into the guards and swore his oath to the king and queen.
The second time was the day after the attack, and I entered as him seeking forgiveness from the queen for my betrayal as a rebel.
The third and fourth times were in the last two days when my brother escaped and he learned the truth of my identity.
If I attempt to gain entry into the palace again so soon, I worry Ryvik will get word of it.
He has an associate who works as a guard there, so if he sees me, they will wonder why. ”
I make a hmm sound. “You live in the barracks, and Horek is often there. Can’t you talk to him then?”
“Possibly. My one concern is if Tarrik is still entangled with Ryvik, are there other guards who are as well?” Carrik sighs.
“I also still have no information on where Mohneek and Orvak are hiding. If Ryvik is still working with them, I need to figure out a way to get this information from him as well.”
“How have you been doing this for so long? All this cloak-and-dagger shit? Keeping secrets and pretending to be someone you’re not?
” I card my fingers through his hair and draw them out to feel the strands slide between them before repeating it.
“How is it that you are still this kind and generous when you’ve had to live as a different person your whole life? ”
Carrik doesn’t say anything. He only tightens his hold on me and kisses my head again. Out of nowhere, an idea pops up in my brain, and I jerk upright.
“What if I get a message to Janik and Horek from you about all that’s going down with Ryvik, you, and Bannik?
I mean, my best friends are their heart’s fires.
It would be so easy for us to walk right into the palace to meet with them.
No one would think twice about it, especially considering Olivia already lives there.
You tell me everything I need to pass along, and I’ll make sure the guys get it. ”
Carrik studies me. I can almost see his wheels spinning. It’s the perfect plan. My body hums with excitement, and I get antsy waiting for him to say yes. If I can help bring Mohneek and the rest of them to justice, I’ll be more than happy.
Slowly, he nods. “I think that could actually work.” Carrik palms my face. “I have no wish for you to be in danger, though. If anything were to happen to you, I would destroy everything and everyone.”
I cover his hands with mine. “This will work. I know it.”
“All right,” he finally says. “I’ll give you all of the details, and then I need to leave for my patrol shift. Comm your friends and arrange for all of you to go to the palace today if you are able. Tell Janik and Horek everything.”
Okay, maybe all this spy stuff doesn’t suck quite as badly as I first thought. The thrill I’m getting from knowing I could help catch Mohneek and the others is a lot.
“Is it wrong of me to want to tear off our clothes and head to the bedroom right now? All this talk is making me…horny.” My face is hot, but I don’t care.
Carrik groans. “You cannot say things like that to me right when I have to leave. I’m going to spend the next several clicks imagining you naked and in bed with your body flushed and your cunt wet. You are a cruel, cruel female.”
“I’m sorry.” I’m not in the least.
“Let me quickly tell you what you need to know so I can get going before I choose to forget where I am supposed to be and stay here to devour you throughout the night.”
I huff in disappointment but listen carefully as Carrik gives me all the details of this meeting he needs to convince Bannik to attend so that Ryvik can eliminate him.
Nausea swirls in my gut knowing that this fucker is going to try to kill the real Bannik because he thinks he’s Carrik.
Even worse is the fact that he’s most likely the one who caused all the death and destruction in Preska. And all because of Mohneek and Orvak.
“Do you have all of that?” Carrik asks when he’s finished.
I nod. “Got it.”
“Good. I have to go.” Carrik cradles my face. “Be careful. I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t. I promise.”
I rise up at the same time he bends down, and our lips meet for a kiss that is filled with love, worry, and hope. When it ends, I rest my forehead against Carrik’s.
“I love you.” I breathe against his mouth. “And I’m not saying that because I’m worried something’s going to happen. I just needed you to know. I should have said it before now, but I was scared. You’ve given me the strength to not be afraid anymore and to say how I truly feel. So, I love you.”
“Gods, Lindsey. I love you too.”
We stand there a moment longer, breathing in each other’s air before Carrik finally releases me. His gaze bores into mine before he inhales deeply and then walks out the door. A minute or two passes before I’m in motion. This time, I comm Olivia first.
“I need you guys to meet me at my apartment as soon as you can. There’s something we have to do.”