Chapter 8
Elli
I’m not the girl that guys want to date.
I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way, I mean it in a “this is how it’s always been and I’ve come to terms with it” kind of way.
I don’t get hit on, and I definitely don’t attract guys that look like GQ models.
So when Matt asks if he can take me out on Saturday, I don’t think I heard him right.
“Wait. What?” I shake my head, trying to get my thoughts to be coherent again.
Matt steps closer, chuckling a little bit as he tucks a stray hair behind my ear just like earlier, then slides his hand down my arm and grabs my hand.
“I think you’re smart, funny, and beautiful, Elli.
I want to get to know you better. I’d like to take you out on Saturday.
That way we can get to know each other without twelve other people around. ”
Oh.
Oh my goodness.
“Okay.” It comes out as a squeak. So quiet, I’m pretty sure he didn’t even hear it.
Apparently he does because he smiles, winks, and kisses the back of my hand. “Great. Can I get your number, so we can work out the details?”
As I put my number into his phone, my mind wanders to Wes, and how he didn’t ask for my number. Maybe Robin is his girlfriend, and it really was just a friendly favor to Luke. Maybe he didn’t feel the same things I felt.
Then why wasn’t he sitting by Robin tonight? Why didn’t he scoot away when our pinkies touched? What if he-
“You okay, Elli?” Matt gently touches my arm, startling me and bringing me back from the barrage of questions in my head.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry. I spaced out for a second.” I force an awkward laugh as I hand him back his phone.
“No worries. Come on, gorgeous, we don’t want to miss the big fight scene.” Matt loops an arm around my shoulders and guides me back to the movie room.
When we walk in, I notice that Sean is sitting in Wes’s spot, and Wes is sitting next to Robin, whispering with their heads bent together.
Sure looks like they’re together. A sudden wave of jealousy crashes over me at the same time Wes looks up and sees Matt’s arm around my shoulders.
He quickly averts his eyes, but I see his jaw tense and his fists clench on his knees.
Weird.
Matt leads us over to the couch, switching us so I’m not sitting between him and Sean. He removes his arm from my shoulder, but quickly places his hand on my knee as we settle in.
When Wes’s pinky met mine it sent a million little bolts of lightning through my entire body.
All I feel with Matt’s hand on my knee is slight heat where his skin meets mine.
I try to focus on the movie, instead of the war of emotions going on inside of me.
That doesn’t last very long.
I feel like the walls are too close and I’m too hot and my stomach is turning like I’ve been going around the loops on the Colossus: The Fire Dragon at Lagoon for hours.
“I’m going to go get some fresh air, I’m feeling a little nauseated.” I tell Matt. Without waiting to hear his reply, I walk out of the room and head to the backyard.
The moon is a bright waxing gibbous that reflects off of the pool, making the water look like it’s glowing and as I take deep breaths to calm myself, I try to name my emotions.
I’m not exactly nauseated, more like my stomach feels like it has a fifty pound bowling ball sitting in it.
I can’t tell if it’s jealousy, anxiety, or…
regret? Part of it is definitely confusion.
Should I have said yes to Matt when I clearly feel something for Wes?
Am I interested in Matt? Matt is really attractive and really nice and interested in me- why wouldn’t I be interested in him?
But there’s something about Wes. Conversation flowed so easily with us.
I felt so comfortable to be myself, not a version of myself I thought Wes would like better, but me.
Matt and I haven’t really had the chance to have a conversation without being interrupted, let alone spend any time together.
Maybe I just need to give Matt a chance.
If Wes were interested in me he would have at least gotten my number, right?
Plus there’s Robin and I don’t know where she fits in to all of this.
The last thing I expected when I moved here was to be confused over dating a day after moving here. Heck, I wasn’t even going to try to date for at least a few months. Now I’m worried about which hot guy I like?
Pull yourself together, girl.
I hear the backdoor open and close, figuring it’s probably Matt or Izzy coming to check on me. But it’s neither of them, it’s Robin.
“Hey, are you okay? You got out of there pretty fast, and right at the good part too.” She asks as she sits down next to me.
I run a hand down my face and put on a fake smile. “Thank you for checking on me, I’m okay though.”
She nods and then we sit there in silence. I figure I might as well just ask what I want to know and rip off the Band-Aid.
“Look, I’m just going to ask. Are you and Wes together?”
Robin scrunches her nose like she smelled something bad and then bursts out laughing. “Oh my god you’re so funny.”
I toss her a look of confusion and indignation because honestly, I’m a little upset. I don’t think the thought of dating Wes deserves to be laughed at.
Robin stops laughing when she sees my face, “Oh, no. It’s not- I’m a lesbian.”
Ah. Way to go, Elli.
“Oh wow. Now I feel really stupid for assuming.” I grumble, hiding my face in my hands. “I’m so sorry.”
“Elli, you have nothing to be sorry for. You obviously didn’t know, and I know Wes and I have a very close relationship.
But he is definitely not my type.” She pulls my hands from my face.
“I, uh, was actually wondering if you wanted to go to lunch or something sometime? I would really like to be friends, if it’s something you want. ”
“I would really like to be friends, too.” I take out my phone and hand it to her, “Izzy leaves on Wednesday so I’ll text you and we can set up a time to hang out after that.”
Robin smiles and shimmies back and forth as she puts her number in my phone.
Is making friends really this easy?
We hear a chorus of voices drift out through the back door, and we turn towards the noise to find everyone filtering into the kitchen.
“Before we head back can I ask you something random and personal?” She says as she gives me my phone.
“Sure.”
“What are you looking for in a romantic relationship?”
“Why do you want to know?”
She shrugs. “Matt’s one of my best friends, I just want to make sure neither of you are wasting your time.”
I nod, that makes sense. “I don’t know, honestly. I’ve only had two serious relationships and they weren’t good. They ended even worse.”
She nudges me with her shoulder, “Ideally, then?”
Honesty is the best policy, right? It’s not like I haven’t given this a lot of thought.
Growing up Mormon, as soon as I turned twelve a lot of lessons were about dating standards, how to be a wife and mom, and all the qualities you should look for in a future husband.
The number of activities I spent looking through bridal magazines to plan my ideal wedding is disturbing.
The amount of lists I was forced to make on my “perfect husband” is equally as disturbing.
“I’m definitely a romantic, but with what I consider realistic expectations.
I guess ideally, I’d like to be with someone who helps make the mundane tasks like grocery shopping or cleaning fun.
I’d rather be with someone who can say ‘hey, I planned this date for us. Be ready at 7’ or ‘I saw this flower at the park and thought of you’ than someone who tells me all the things they want to do, but never act on it, or make me figure out every date.
I used to leave my ex little notes around his apartment, or in his car while he was at work and he would get so mad and tell me it was embarrassing and clingy, so I want someone who likes the little gestures I do, and hopefully they’ll return them…
Actions over words, you know? Maybe I’m asking for too much and that’s why I’m still single. ” I say with a self-deprecating laugh.
“I think those are realistic and attainable. How important is religion?” Robin studies my face as she asks.
“That’s complicated. I’m kind of in the middle of-”
“Robin! Come on! I have to be home soon and you’re our ride!” Lexi yells from the back door.
“Ugh. Kids. That’s my queue. It was really nice to meet you, Elli. I look forward to getting to know you better.” Robin and I both stand, and she brings me in for a bone-crushing hug. She’s surprisingly strong for such a petite woman.
“It was nice to meet you too.”
As soon as Izzy and I get in the car, she’s bursting at the seams for me to tell her about what’s going on with Matt. I casually tell her about how he wants to take me out on Saturday, and from her reaction, you’d think I’d just told her that I won a trip to Italy or something.
“This. is. AMAZING. Ugh. Matt is so hot.” She gasps. “Don’t tell Luke I said that.”
“I won’t tell Luke.” I chuckle.
“I think dating him will be good for you. Maybe he’s the one! You can get married, and then you guys can move back to Utah to have babies and I can be the super fun and cool aunt that spoils your kids!”
“Woah, Iz. Pump the brakes. I just met him. We haven’t even been on a date yet! Besides, I can’t plan a future with a guy without talking to him. Not that there’s a future to plan, because we JUST MET.” My voice is raised on the last two words for emphasis, and I think it’s gotten through to Izzy.
She sighs and waves her hand dismissively. “Whatever you say. But if things don’t work out with Matt, I’ll probably end up married before you.” She gives me a grin that can only be described as devilish.
Yeah, at the rate things are going with my love life, she’s probably right.