Chapter 14
Elli
These past few days have thrown me off-kilter, my emotions- and hormones- are all over the place.
Izzy leaving? Sad. Heart wrenching. I’ll miss my best friend.
Having my own space completely to myself for the first time in my life? Happy, freeing.
Finally dressing how I want? Invigorating. Even if it is only in the comfort of my apartment. Just lounging around in short shorts and a tank top is cathartic.
I’ve lived in baggy t-shirts and oversized overalls most of my life, wearing loose swing dresses on occasion because I always felt like my body was bad, that it needed to be hidden.
The shame that was ingrained into me since I was a child is something that will take a lot of work.
I thought I’d hate having so much of my skin on display, but I feel… free. Beautiful. Powerful.
Wes showing up to take us to the airport, then his proposal and shopping? A pleasant, swoon-worthy surprise.
The sexual tension with Wes being so thick I can cut it with a knife?
Confusing. Arousing. I don’t think I’ve ever been so turned on in my life.
Wes didn’t even do anything. As soon as he left, I used my fingers to try and relieve the ache between my thighs.
It sort of gave me some relief, but I’m not sure what I’m doing so I don’t think I had an orgasm.
My date with Matt? Well, I almost forgot about that to be honest.
I thought I was confused before about Wes, but Wednesday just amplified the confusion. I could have sworn he was going to kiss me after he helped me unzip my dress.
What kind of man spends a whole day putting together IKEA furniture, listens to a complete stranger have a breakdown about religious trauma, checks to make sure you get in okay, willingly drives your baby sister to the airport, takes you dress shopping and says “You look ethereal”, then basically ghosts you?
Wes Jones, apparently.
Maybe I’m reading into it. I don’t know Wes that well, even if we’ve seen each other and talked to each other pretty much every day for the last five days. Maybe he’s just always like this with his friends. Maybe he’s just being extra nice to me because I’m new and he feels bad for me.
I sound like a damn high schooler. It’s only been three days. He’s probably just busy.
Swearing feels good. I’ve been swearing more in my head and I like how it feels.
I have an hour until my date with Matt, so I can’t waste any more time stressing over whatever the hell happened this week.
I ended up buying both dresses I tried on, but I’ll be wearing the black one tonight.
Good thing too, because if I wear the blue one, all I’ll be able to think about all night is Wes’s fingers gently brushing against my skin as he undid the knot.
How the mere closeness of him made my nipples hard enough to cut through glass.
How if I hadn’t been wearing panties, I’m sure my thighs would have had arousal dripping down them.
Ah, shit. Now I’m turned on again.
I stand in front of the freezer to cool my heated skin because Matt will be here any minute.
The doorbell rings and when I answer it, Matt is standing there in tailored gray pants and with a white collared shirt and rust blazer. His eyes hungrily rake up and down my body. “Wow, Elli. You look absolutely gorgeous.”
I blush, “Thank you, Matt. You look pretty dapper yourself.”
Matt drives us into downtown Austin to a high rise building, where a valet takes his car from him-I’ve never seen a valet service like that in real life. He guides me to a nondescript door where he punches in a code, and it leads us to an elevator that takes us up to the top floor.
“What is this place?” I whisper.
Matt chuckles and wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into him so my back is to his front. “This is a very exclusive restaurant that overlooks the river and the rest of downtown Austin. It’s absolutely stunning. My godfather is friends with the chef.”
My family considers The Cheesecake Factory to be a fancy, special occasion restaurant, so I can’t even imagine what I’m about to walk into.
Does Matt just go to exclusive places for dinner on the regular?
Is this a normal first date spot for the wealthy?
What if I have to eat snails? There are so many questions I have, but all I can muster is, “But why?”
Before Matt can answer, the elevator doors open and we’re greeted by a tall blonde woman who has her hair pulled in a sleek chignon and is wearing a very nice black pantsuit. She gives us a soft smile, “Welcome, Mr. Bailey. Your usual table is ready.”
“Thank you Carla.” Matt says with a charming grin.
Carla leads us through the low-lit restaurant where people are chatting quietly.
People, mostly the men, send Matt nods of acknowledgment and greeting as we pass.
I can feel the jealous gaze of some of the women when they notice Matt’s arm wrapped around my waist. I feel very out of place in my Forever 21 dress and Target heels amongst designer dresses and shoes.
Wes was right though; I do feel more comfortable in the black dress.
When we reach the table, my breath is taken away by the view in front of me.
A gold haze mixes with the light blue sky as the sun sets, reflecting off of the buildings and onto the river, making it look like a river of gold is running through the city.
It looks like a painting. It makes me long to see the sun set over the mountains in Utah, the pale purple against the golden sky is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.
Though this is a view I could learn to love.
Matt pulls out my chair before taking the seat opposite me, and we’re immediately greeted by Sam, a tall, lanky brunette man dressed all in black, who we learn will be our waiter for this evening. Matt apparently knows Sam well, and they exchange small talk while I glance at the drink menu.
“I don’t know if you drink, and if you don’t feel comfortable drinking, that’s totally fine, but their house champagne is delicious, and goes perfectly with everything on the menu.
I’m going to have a glass, if you’d like to have one too.
” Matt takes my hand and strokes his thumb over my knuckles, giving me a comforting smile.
I quickly weigh the pros and cons of the situation. My mind goes back to Wes, again, and I decide I’d rather have my first sip of alcohol with him instead.
“I think I’ll just take a glass of water please.” I tell Sam with a smile.
“Perfect. The chef has prepared a special tasting menu for you both, as requested by Mr. Bailey. I’ll have the appetizers out shortly.” Sam gives us a curt nod and strides away.
A special tasting menu? How much did that cost him? I knew he was rich, but for a first date, this seems extravagant. He doesn’t seem like the type to expect me to put out just because he paid for an elaborate meal, but the thought is still niggling at the back of my mind.
Sam brings us our drinks along with our first course which is broiled oysters in shallot butter.
I’ve never had oysters, so I follow Matt’s lead in tipping the shell into my mouth, chewing once or twice, and swallowing.
It’s velvety and smooth, and it’s not an unpleasant taste.
I don’t think I’d order them again on my own, but it’s cool to try.
Conversation with Matt flows easily enough, although most of the conversation is based on the dishes we’ve been served.
There’s a total of six courses, and by the time the dessert comes around, I am sufficiently stuffed.
I’m more relaxed now that I’ve been fed and I find I really enjoy Matt’s company.
He has a very chill vibe about him, and he hasn’t pushed me about the champagne at all, which I appreciate.
Dessert is a dark chocolate molten lava cake with hand churned vanilla bean ice cream, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth. The moan I let out after the first bite could be described as nearly pornographic.
“You like it, I’m guessing?” Matt grins.
“I would marry this cake.” I deadpan, and Matt lets out a deep belly laugh.
“Well, don’t let me get in the way of true love.” He’s still smiling, but a more serious expression comes over his face as he clears his throat. “Can I ask you something kind of personal?”
I nod, taking another bite of cake then placing my spoon down to give him my full attention.
“I know Mormons have a reputation for getting
married young, like, right out of high school sometimes. I guess I’m just wondering why such an amazing woman like you hasn’t been snatched up yet?”
I don’t know how to answer that. I could say it’s because I focused too much on school to have time for relationships, which isn’t a total lie.
I could say it’s because I never found someone who wanted to marry me, which is partially true.
There’s a myriad of plausible reasons I could give him, but I go with the one that feels the truest.
“That’s true, my best friend growing up got married a year after graduating high school. I spent a lot of my time trying to get my degree, rather than dating, but the truth is I just wasn’t good enough for the boys I dated.” I raise one shoulder.
Matt’s brows furrow, “What do you mean?”
I take a deep breath, “Mormon purity culture is extremely toxic. Some people go as far as to not even kiss until they get married just so they aren’t subject to temptation.
I wasn’t ‘pure’ enough for my first serious boyfriend, even though he’s the one who instigated a heavy makeout session.
He broke up with me two days after, saying I was too much of a temptation to be around.
That I was going to be the ruin of his eternal salvation.
My second boyfriend wanted a perfect little housewife to pop out a bunch of kids and I didn’t want that. ”
“What a bunch of assholes. It sounds like they didn’t deserve you.” Matt reaches across the table and takes my hand, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. “I’m sorry you experienced that.”
“Thank you. Unfortunately, my… reputation as an ‘impure woman’ went around so guys either wanted solely a make out session, or avoided me altogether. It’s bullshit because they get to get off, and I’m still a virgin who hasn’t had an orgasm.
” My eyes widen when I realize the word vomit I just spewed, “I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable.
I get a little riled up about the double standards in purity culture. ”
Matt smiles, squeezing my hand, “It’s okay. I’m not uncomfortable. Do you ever want to get married? Have kids?”
A loaded question. Three years ago, I would have given an enthusiastic yes to both questions, but I honestly don’t know now. I know I’d be a good mom, but I basically raised my siblings, and I just want to be able to live my life.
“I’m not opposed to marriage, but I’m definitely not going to rush into it. I’m undecided on the kids, but leaning towards no. I raised my siblings while my mom barked orders, and I think I’d like to keep my independence.”
Matt lets out a chuckle, “You sound like Wes.”
My cheeks flush at the mention of his best friend and I try to laugh it off.
My phone vibrates in my purse and I take a quick look as Matt settles the bill with Sam. My heart flutters when I see Wes’s name pop up.
Wes: ur so nwsudiful and i wdsny yo lisd u so bad
I furrow my brows., but decide not to respond right now, that would be rude to Matt.
“Bad text?” Matt asks.
“Uh, just confusing. Wes must have pocket texted me or drunk texted me or something.” I say with a shrug.
“Oh. I didn’t know you two talked after you first met.”
“He helped me unpack Monday, and took us to the airport Wednesday. We’ve texted occasionally, but I haven’t heard from him for a few days.” I try to keep the hurt out of my voice.
“Interesting.” Matt stands and offers me his hand, “Ready to go, sweetness?”
As I stand, Matt’s fingers interlace with mine as he leads me to the elevator, waving goodbye to Carla as we pass.
When we get to my apartment, Matt walks me to the door, pulling me in for a hug.. “I had a really great time tonight, Elli. Thank you for joining me.”
“Thank you for inviting me. I had a really good time, too.” I bite my lip, wondering if he’s going to kiss me.
Wondering if I want him to kiss me. All the little touches during dinner didn’t make my stomach flutter or send sparks of electricity through my veins, but maybe I just need time to be more attracted to him.
Matt moves back slightly so our noses are barely half an inch apart, then leans back in slowly so I have time to move away if I want to. When I don’t, he closes the distance between us and our lips meet in a gentle kiss.
It’s… nice? I guess. There are no sparks.
When he pulls away, he gives me another quick kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight, Elli.”
“Goodnight, Matt.”