Chapter 19
Wes
The next few days, I bury myself in writing.
It’s like Elli smashed through my writer’s block with a thousand pound wrecking ball, and the music won’t stop flowing now.
I have four new songs completely composed, and lyrics to a few more scribbled across notebooks, napkins, and the shower walls.
Yes, shower walls, because inspiration strikes at the most inconvenient times so I’ve learned to keep a dry erase marker in my bathroom.
I feel bad because I’ve only been sending Elli one word answers to her texts, but I’m trying to keep my focus.
Robin texted me on Sunday and told me all about their girls’ day on Saturday.
Where they went, and what they bought, and if I stop to let myself think about Elli with a new vibrator, my mind isn’t going to focus on the music.
It’s Tuesday, the day before the show. The day before my grand plan to confess my feelings for this girl and win her over.
Hopefully.
Did I have a panic attack yesterday when I thought about what would happen if she rejected me?
Yes.
Did it make me want to finish a bottle of whiskey just to stop the panic?
Yes.
Did I do that?
No. Go me!
I’m not going to use alcohol to numb my feelings. In fact, I poured the rest of the whiskey down the drain so I couldn’t.
I want to look my best for the show tomorrow, so it’s time for my semi-annual hair cut with Jess.
I’ve been seeing her since she got her license, and I don’t trust anyone else with my hair.
Her shop is just down the street from my apartment, nestled between a quaint little flower shop and a barbershop.
It’s small, just Jess and another stylist, and that suits me just fine.
The bell above the door jingles as I walk in, and I hear Jess shout “Be right with you!” From somewhere in the back.
I look around, taking in the pale pink walls, floral furniture, and gold accents. I look so out of place here in my dark jeans, black shirt, and tattoos, it’s actually kind of funny.
“Westley Jones as I live and breathe! How the hell are you?” Jess exclaims, enveloping me in a tight hug. She smells like hairspray and hair products, but it’s a comforting, familiar scent that I love that’s so her.
“I’m doing good Jess, thanks. How are things with you?”
“Good, good. Come sit in my chair so I can interrogate you about your life.” She says dragging me to her station.
She plops me down in the chair, ties the cape around my front and starts running her fingers through my hair.
“God, I wish I had your hair. I get so jealous every time you come in. What are we thinking today?”
“You flatter me Jess. Just a trim I think. I have a show tomorrow night. A big one. I want to look my best.”
“Ooo. A big one, eh? What’s so important about this one?”
“Well, you know…” I trail off, unsure how to explain that I’m confessing my feelings for a girl I’ve only known for a few weeks.
“Come on rockstar, let’s get you washed up and then you can tell me all about this girl that’s got you twitterpated.” Jess says with a firm pat on the shoulder.
“I never said it was about a girl.” I grumble.
“Didn’t have to, I’ve been around long enough to know that love struck look in a young fella’s eyes. This girl has got you all tied up in knots kid. Not to mention, I’ve seen you when you’re in love.”
“Yeah. I guess she does.” But I don’t like that Jess is comparing Elli to Shelby. The way I’m feeling is completely different. Shelby was a soul-sucking leech that didn’t care about anyone but herself, and Elli is…
Elli is the warmth of hot cocoa on a chilly winter day.
Seeping into your soul and warming you from the inside out until you’re all cozy and content.
She’s so selfless she moved across multiple state lines just so her sister could visit her boyfriend more.
She’s strong, thoughtful, and beautiful.
She’s funny as hell when she’s not all up in her head and worried about what she’s going to say.
Jess wets my hair, then lathers up shampoo that smells like tea tree and matcha before gently massaging my scalp.
It feels so good I feel like I’m going to cry.
This is the best part of getting a haircut.
Next, she applies a conditioner that smells the same as the shampoo and gently rinses it before wrapping my hair in a towel and leading me back to the chair.
“Now, spill. I’m assuming this girl is Izzy’s sister? Luke said you kind of liked her, but she’s dating Matt? I need the details kid.”
I roll my eyes, of course Luke couldn’t keep his mouth shut. But this is Jess. the closest person to a mom I have.
“Her name is Elli. Matt did take her on a date, but they both decided that they’d be better off as friends.
She…” I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words to describe Elli to someone who’s never met her.
“She’s like taking a big breath of air after coming up from underwater.
I didn’t even know I was holding my breath until she brought me back to the surface, you know?
“I thought I loved Shelby. But I think it was just me feeling like I could offer something to someone. Shelby never loved me, obviously. I don’t know if Elli could love me, since I don’t have a lot to offer, but I’m determined to at least try.
I don’t know if I can say I’m in love with her yet, but I’m pretty dang close to it.
I was in such a bad writer’s block I couldn’t even pick up my notebook for months.
Elli came in and bulldozed the wall I’ve spent the last two years building, and now it’s like there’s songs flowing through my fingertips.
She’s the first girl I’ve been interested in since Shelby. I just hope I’m good enough for her.”
Jess spins me so I’m looking at her, a look of determination on her face.
“You listen to me, Westley Ray Jones. You are not unlovable because of the trauma you went through. If Elli can’t see that then that is her loss.
You have so much to give, Wes. So much love in your heart, and if she’s smart she’ll see that and she won’t be able to stop herself from falling for you.
I’m glad to hear your writer’s block is gone.
Your songs are beautiful. You don’t even know how proud of you I am for what you’ve accomplished so far.
Your mom and grandma would be so proud of you, too. ”
“Damn it, Jess. I wanted to get a haircut, not cry.”
“Well that’s too bad, kid.” She sasses with tears falling down her own face. She swipes them away quickly, back to business. “Okay. Now, tell me about your important show tomorrow while I finish this trim.”
So I do.
When she’s worked her hair magic, I walk out of there feeling more confident than I have in a long time. And not just because of my haircut.