Chapter One
Elio
“There you are.” Casmiro’s gruff voice cut through the quiet hum of the afternoon.
I hesitantly tore my eyes from the page in the Politics Today magazine I was reading, raising my head to find him walking toward the gazebo.
The air smelled faintly of chlorine, courtesy of the pool beside me which had just been cleaned, its surface still rippling under the sunlight.
Casmiro’s steps were careful, hand pressed against his torso, while he climbed the two steps before settling into the chair opposite me. “I went to your house to find you.”
I looked down at the magazine, not deeming his state severe enough to check for complications. “You should not be out. You need to heal properly.”
“I’m fine,” the man offered with a grunt as he relaxed back into the chair.
I could feel his stare, but I didn’t want to talk, nor did I want to entertain any human company.
His presence irritated me, and indulging him was not advisable, seeing as I didn’t want to say something he wouldn’t like to hear. “It’s awfully quiet lately,” he said.
I didn’t respond as I reread a line for the third time.
He cleared his throat. “You never got back to me on how your interrogation went with the man you caught from the gang that attacked me at Turin—”
“He is dead.”
There were a few seconds of silence before he spoke again. “How did it go?”
A mind-video of me slashing a throat, scanning a file, traveling three regions away from Milan, slashing more throats, painting walls red, muffling screams, and carving out flesh filled my vision but vanished with a blink.
“Unsuccessfully.”
“And you killed him just like that?”
“Yes.”
“So … How do you suppose we find the people responsible for the shooting at my racing company?”
“Word has been sent to our associates in Sicily. They will handle it. You need not bother.”
I heard him sigh. “I have been … meaning to ask,” he started, taking my silence as a cue to continue.
“It has been two weeks since Street left. I asked my people, and they say you haven’t properly addressed our search for the painting.
May I know if they left because of the media chaos after the bus incident? ”
“What other reason is there?”
“We sorted out the media alongside some of our associates in America, and the painting is no longer of interest to the masses.” I saw him shift in my periphery. “I think we should bring Street back in. I still communicate with one of them, Upper. And he says they are close to—”
“Casmiro.”
“Yes?”
“Your presence is a bother to me,” I said, raising my head to regard him. “Do you mind leaving.” It was not a question.
He blinked at me, a frown pulling down his brows. “Did something happen?”
“Casmiro.” I closed the magazine. “Leave.”
“Why?”
“Does my command mean nothing now. Have we grown too familiar that you do not understand a simple statement.” Those were also not questions.
His frown remained, and he didn’t make any move to leave. “Now I know why nobody dared say a word when I asked about you. You’re in a mood. But we don’t have time for your moods. The stakes are higher; we need to get moving if we—”
“We leave for Mexico next week.”
His frown deepened. “Why am I just hearing this?”
“Because I am just deciding it. Now leave.”
“Tell me what happened. Who pissed you off?”
I groaned, regretting not bringing a cigar or a drink with me.
“You are not going to leave me alone, are you?”
“No. You’re acting worse than you usually do. Everyone is waiting for you to snap, so they’re working extra hard, making sure you’ll see no reason to snap and—”
“I made a mistake.” I cut him off, watching how his frown morphed slowly into surprise. I knew that statement might have sounded foreign to him.
“You…” he drawled, not comprehending, “made a mistake.”
“Yes.”
“Can you elaborate?”
“How comfortable are you with discussing matters regarding my brother?”
His eyes searched mine before he asked, “Why would you assume I’m uncomfortable talking about your brother?”
I dropped the magazine onto the table between us. “You have not exactly been forthcoming since you learned of his existence; I believe before your accident, we weren’t on speaking terms.”
He shook his head, sighing. “I was angry you didn’t tell me.”
“I did not tell anyone.”
“I’m not anyone,” he snapped. “I thought we were trusting each other now; I mean, all those years ago? Did you think I would hurt him if I found out?”
“No. I didn’t want you to know because I never planned on seeing him again.”
“Would you have told me if I didn’t find out?”
“No.”
He was clearly displeased with my response. “All right. Let’s get back on topic. Who pissed you off?”
Going silent, I thought about it.
Telling him what had bothered me 24/7 for the last two weeks would make it seem real. It would force me to admit that I have been thinking about it … about her, and I didn’t want to because my gut told me I’d made the right decision, but my head, mind, and whole being wanted to seek her out.
It was unhealthy.
I was aching to once again be in her presence, know what she was doing at all times, keep her attention on me. I was longing for the only woman I couldn’t have. My addiction wasn’t fading. This wasn’t withdrawal; this was a full-bodied denial of my feelings and what I truly wanted.
Zahra had left a gaping hole inside me, and I was to blame for it.
“Elio?”
Casmiro’s careful tone of voice shoved me out of my thoughts.
“I was involved with Zahra. Romantically.”
I expected the silence that followed.
Casmiro’s stare was blank for about a minute before, haltingly, his brows drew together, and he frowned, his lips thinning.
“You were what?”
“I knew beforehand that she was involved with my brother, but she told me she wasn’t, and I believed her because I thought she was telling the—”
“Hold on, hold on.” Casmiro sat up, his hand supporting his torso. “Just double back for me. You fucked … you fucked that cunt?”
The flare of withheld anger that smeared the walls of my chest had me pinning him with a glower. “Call her that again, and I will shoot you and make sure you die this time,” I warned. “That’s not a threat. I will kill you if you repeat what you just said.”
He waved his hands dismissively, a tight frown on his face. “You fucked her?”
“Don’t put it like that.”
His eyes widened as he gestured wildly with his hand. “How the fuck do you want me to put it?” he exclaimed.
“It’s not—” I stopped, clearing my throat. “It was not just the sex. There was something else.”
Casmiro frowned, blinking as if trying to understand what I was saying but failing to. “Something else, like … you had her sign an NDA or some sort of—”
“No, nothing like that. I meant, it wasn’t just physical.”
He backed up. “Wait … emotional? Feelings? You…” The confusion on his face morphed into concern, a grimace, and then disbelief. “You like Zahra?”
I frowned. “You speak of it like it is some sort of fatal illness to like her.”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t see it. In my head—trying to picture you and—what—no—you’re joking.”
Annoyance brewed, and my chest tightened. “Why would I joke about this?”
“I don’t know, to fuck with me? Make me think I’m in some coma hell … Are you my fucking subconscious? Am I dying?”
“Do not be unnecessarily dramatic about this. You were the one who wanted to know why I was in a mood.”
He nodded. “Right, yes. I wanted to know, but I didn’t think you would tell me you’ve been fucking—hold on, when did this start?”
“Months…” Her face flashed in my head, the carefreeness in her smile that always made her brown eyes look like a good coffee, the sweet smell of vanilla and amber always coming from her hair, the softness of her skin—
“Elio,” Casmiro snapped and I blinked.
“A few months now,” I continued. “Although it was a little back and forth at first.” I sighed. “I won’t disrespect her by telling you any details; all you need to know is that we were involved until recently.”
“I thought you didn’t like her? You tried to drown her, for fuck’s sake.”
“That was before I got to know her. I could not understand why she made me feel things. I could not predict her. I still can’t, nor do I want to. I only seem to know her better now.”
“Just because you fucked her.”
“Before then,” I corrected. “She has this … charisma, very much like mine, and I was interested, and one thing led to another, and we…”
“Right.” Casmiro shook his head. “I am way too sober for this conversation, and—”
“You are not drinking.”
“No, I think I am—”
“The doctor clearly stated you cannot drink alcohol until you’ve fully recovered,” I told him. “Banish that thought this instant.”
He sighed. “How am I supposed to digest all you’re telling me with a clear mind? For God’s sake, it’s just impossible. I thought you were celibate.”
I raised a brow. “Was I?”
“I haven’t seen you with a woman in so long—like, years, and—just—of all the women out there, you choose the one who personifies suspicion.”
“I cannot help who I like.”
“I don’t know, E … I’ve never trusted that woman. I don’t like her at all. I don’t know why, I just don’t.”
“Hm.” I nodded, averting my gaze. “I can imagine why.”
“No, no, you don’t get me. I told you the day I was attacked, she threatened me.
She told me to stay out of her business.
The look in her eyes, her whole demeanor?
Everything changed in that one second I glanced her way.
If I could read minds, I would have definitely caught her plotting something.
” He pinned me with a stare that begged me to see reason.
“Think about it, E, she threatened me, and then I’m being shot at, hours later? Can’t be a coincidence.”
“I see the sense in what you are saying. But I asked her, she denied it, and I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, there was no concrete proof to show she was indeed behind your attack.”
He worked his jaw, shaking his head. “She’s using you. I am one hundred percent sure she doesn’t feel anything you’re feeling for her.”
My chest tightened at the truth in his statement. “I know that. But all of this was not why I told you about our temporary involvement in the first place. It concerns my brother—”
“Right, she just randomly has the only living Marinos wrapped around her fingers.”
“Ignoring that observation, the mistake I made was getting involved with her without checking to see if my brother still held feelings for her.”
Casmiro’s lips thinned. “So you messed up your relationship with your brother by sleeping with his girlfriend.”
“She told me they weren’t together.”
“She’s a liar, E. A skillful one. There’s a possibility she was even trained to lie.”
“I am aware,” I said, my tone flat, refusing to rise to the bait.
He sighed. “That’s why you had them off the case? Because you both—ended your, uh … temporary involvement?”
“No. I needed Elia out of the compound. I needed Zahra out too. She was complicating things, messing with my goal, and I wouldn’t say I liked that she had kissed my brother.
I didn’t want to entertain the way it made me feel.
It distracted me. It made me … angry at him.
I am never angry at him.” I frowned, realizing I still carried that anger.
“Wow.” Casmiro breathed out, scoffing and shaking his head in disbelief. “I’ve never heard you speak of a woman like this; it shows you’re not only saying this because the sex was good. You really do like her, don’t you?”
I sighed. “It is now in the past. None of it matters,” I said. “That is why I am in a mood. You wanted to know, now you know.”
Casmiro watched me for a long time before he gave a very loud sigh. “Maybe it’s for the best. Nothing good will come out of you attaching yourself to that woman.”
“Maybe,” I murmured, shifting my gaze back to the pool.
It would be easier if everything around me didn’t remind me of her—this gazebo, that pool, my house, the casino, the office, even the torture rooms. It would be easier if when I smelled food spices, or vanilla, or even hear someone speak in Spanish, my mind didn’t drag back to her.
It would be easier if when I closed my eyes, I didn’t see the look on her face when I told her she was a mistake.
It was a cruel thing to say. Knowing all that I knew about her, that meaning would have run deeper than what I wanted to convey.
But Casmiro was right. Nothing good would come out of it. Not just because Zahra had her many secrets, but because I didn’t plan to be here long. There was no use in starting something I wouldn’t finish, especially not when I was this close to getting all I wanted.