Chapter Eleven
Elio
“You are foolish, boy! How do you go to ocean and not take blood test first! You want to die? You want to be fish food?” Gran Louisa exclaimed, her face zoomed in on the screen of Gemma’s phone, and her eyes filled with worry and concern for me.
This thing called genuine care … it felt strange, different, and overwhelming.
I’d utterly neglected and underestimated the progression of things after Street came into my life.
It used to be Casmiro and Angelo I worried about because I was satisfied with Elia’s hatred for me, but now it wasn’t just them; now it was Elia, Zahra, Gemma, Gran Louisa, Casmiro, Angelo, and maybe even Street if I were to give it a stretch.
“I never knew I would catch a fever, Gran Louisa,” I told her with an apologetic look.
“Yes, Nonna, he was so healthy when we got here,” Gemma said from her position on the couch beside me, Sailor against her chest, Mimi sleeping by my side.
“Can you tell when death will come? No. You have to prepare to make it go before it come. Fever is bad. Fever kill Gaida child at age sixteen. Remember Gaida from church, the Gaida who wear black lipstick every day?” she said, her lips pursed as if to drive her point home.
“Yeah, Nonna, but Elio is better now. He had some friends over, and they took care of him. His new girlfriend was here too!”
Gran Louisa’s eyes widened, a shocked gasp leaving her. “You have girlfriend now, Elio?”
I turned my head to pin Gemma with a stare, and she beamed at me.
“Answer now!” Gran Louisa yelled.
“Yes, that is … hm”—I cleared my throat—“correct.”
“Let me see! I need to know if she deserve pretty man like you.”
I don’t deserve her.
“She left,” I told her. “They had an event to attend on the cruise.”
Gran Louisa nodded. “Okay, bring girlfriend home when you leave ocean; I will cook for her and ask her important question.”
Home.
I almost smiled as I nodded. “Okay.”
“I will go now; I have church. Gaida is making cookies for us—it will not be good—but I have to prepare for lie. Poor Gaida.”
Gemma laughed, shaking her head. “Okay, Nonna, talk to you later.”
“Bye-bye,” she responded with a wave while her hand came close to the screen as the call ended.
Gemma sighed as I handed her the phone and let my head fall back.
“Now I have to contrive a way to tell her my girlfriend would never be available to see her.”
The culprit angled her body to face mine, but I didn’t turn my head to look at her. “‘Never Say Never,’ Justin Bieber knew what he was talking about when he sang that song.”
“I do not know who that is.”
“I know you don’t; I’d be surprised if you did,” she said, laughter in her voice.
“My main focus now is when and how you’ll reintroduce us.
The first time we met, it wasn’t really great, and now she knows my face but doesn’t know who I am; so before she sees me again with you and jumps to a conclusion, you—”
“I will introduce you both.” I cut her off, turning my head to her. “When I am positive she won’t kill you, and then me.”
Gemma blinked at me. “Wh-what?”
“Zahra is … quick-tempered. I made a mistake not telling her who you were when she first saw you.”
Gemma nodded, her teeth closing on her bottom lip.
“Right, you’re right. You might need to lay it on slowly so she doesn’t misunderstand.
” She blew out a breath. “God, she was—she was intimidating. Not at all welcoming, but I know there’s a softie in there.
” She grinned, poking my arm and wiggling her brows. “She likes you.”
I sighed, narrowing my eyes and looking away. “Nothing special.”
“Oh please…” Her tone turned sharp. “Spare me the false modesty and self-degradation. You are the most likable person I know.”
I watched her. “You are na?ve, Gemma.”
“Probably, but I have that good-people tingle. I know when I see a good person.”
“I suggest that you check the tingle. Might be broken.”
She laughed, and I shook my head. Appreciating the fact that I could carry out that movement without getting a headache.
Zahra and Street had stayed till the morning, but then they had to leave for some casino bet they made … I did not want to know more or indulge them in their thieving activities, but Zahra had stayed an hour longer, and Elia had told me he would stop by later for a talk.
Since then, I’d been pretending that I wasn’t overthinking what that talk would entail.
At this point, I didn’t know what I wanted or where I stood with everything I wanted to do.
My goal was not to settle with Elia; it was the opposite.
But that didn’t excuse the inconvenient fact that I wanted to talk to him, rebuild our relationship, and have him look at me like I was his family, his brother, his protector, his friend. I missed that …
But …
Right and wrong; tennis balls swung back and forth in my head.
Settle or ruin.
Happy or sad.
Peace or chaos.
Build a heart or break one.
“Hey.” Gemma’s voice brought me out of my head.
“On a serious note, I’m happy for you. First relationships are always tough, but they’re the most amazing; it all feels new, and the person looks like the sun when you see them.
” She spoke like she remembered her experience.
“But I know you’ll be great. She’s very lucky; you’re a really good guy. ”
I turned my head to her again and gave an appreciative nod. “Thank you, Gemma.”
“Of course.” She grinned. “How do you feel now?”
“Good. A lot stronger than I did yesterday.”
Gemma had arrived after Zahra left, although she had texted to ensure the coast was clear first.
She’d been worried when I informed her via text to avoid my suite because I had company due to a fever. When she arrived, she told me she must have been on the phone with Luigi when I called.
And then she told me how Luigi had been sending her pictures of himself in a penthouse—to brag—according to her.
When she showed me the pictures, it was with a scowl on her face.
She and Luigi had a brother-sister relationship, constantly bickering and teasing.
Apparently, just as Gran Louisa had named me a family member, she did the same with Luigi.
Although I didn’t care and probably wouldn’t like to know about anything regarding Luigi or anyone else if I was being honest, I now had some obligation to listen.
My father would have hated this, me associating with people outside of the family and the business. But they made me feel almost normal; I would not change that for anything.
Being with Gemma and hearing Gran Louisa say, Bring girlfriend home, like I had every right to be there, warmed my chest and broke my heart—this was a helpless situation.
A situation where help was within reach, within grasp, where everyone wanted the same thing for me …
Get some help, Elio. See a doctor, Elio. Consult a specialist, Marino. I think you need a therapist. I think you need help.
Absolutely delightful. I knew I needed help; I knew I would get worse.
This was how it started with my mother, the little mumblings, loud thoughts, hallucinations, lucid dreams, repetitive movements, repetitive words, self-harm …
How she would claim to hear voices, how she lost interest in the things she loved doing, her lack of emotions—the total apathy, the fear—the same as I felt yesterday.
That fear had been small but so deep, so meaningful that it sent a chill down my spine, although I couldn’t be sure if it was the fever or if it was my body showing me symptoms—I honestly couldn’t be sure of anything these days.
It was even worse that I knew this—I knew I needed help, but that voice—those words … I am undeserving of it. I don’t need help. They kept playing in my head whenever I even dared to consider the idea.
I wanted it, but that want had never been strong enough to bring forth a need.
When Angelo pointed out that I might have been made to think I didn’t deserve the help, I began to look at things in a different light.
My father had been so against me getting professional and proper help. He didn’t want to hear it or think about it.
I had always been yelling at my father, telling him my mother needed help, and getting that for her was the right thing to do … but suddenly, I couldn’t apply that same rigorousness to myself.
I don’t know if I want to.
I don’t know what I want.
I don’t know who I am.
I don’t know why my thoughts are breaking up or why the urge to speak them out loud seems like the most relieving thing in the world—
“Marino!” Angelo’s voice from the entrance, and the door closing behind me, broke my thoughts and got Gemma’s attention.
“I got your text; I brought in all your pills and—oh—” I turned to see Angelo standing a few feet away, a surprised frown on his face.
“Uh … fuck, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but if you could give me a heads-up next time so I don’t barge in and interrupt you with …
someone else?” Confusion dragged his brows down even farther.
“Hello, Angelo, meet Gemma; Gemma, meet Angelo. We work together.”
Gemma’s eyes were wide, her jaw was hanging open, and she had wholly loosened her hold on Sailor as she bent slowly toward me, taking her eyes off Angelo. “You didn’t tell me he was hot,” she rushed out.
I frowned. “What?”
“You didn’t tell me he was freaking hot; you didn’t tell me he was swimming with hotness. Are you insane not to have prepared me for that?” she whispered loudly enough for both me and Angelo to hear.
“I didn’t think it was important.”
“You evil being! I am about to make a complete fool out of myself in front of probably the hottest man I have ever seen—”
“I can—I can hear everything,” Angelo pointed out, and Gemma snapped up straight with a broad smile that almost made her ears fall off.